What is so shameful about virginity?

No really. I don't get it. I mean, right now, it's as if it were the first thing to do as soon as you start having hair growing on your pubes.

Since when is having sex a prerequisite or something that you HAVE to do?

Even back when I was 15-16, many guys and girls still hadn't been doing anything sexual of note or, when they did, they were rather discreet about it and only let a few people know.

Now, it's like being virgin at age 12 is a curse, especially if you're a boy. Where does that come from? And since when does adulthood and maturity depend on a guy's penis and a woman's hymen?

edited 16th Sep '11 10:21:06 AM by Alrune

Not sure, sexual conquest has kinda been a big thing like forever and I can't pinpoint where exactly it started from. I guess some people see being able to seduce others into bed as a triumph of how alluring they are and that if you haven't already had sex that maybe it's something to do with you personally like not being attractive enough or something and you fail because you can't attract another mate. I really don't know for sure but I do see it as kinda a 'Lads Lad' mentality which I'm not really too keen on.

I quite agree with you. I'm currently a virgin and it doesn't bother me really in the slightest and I'm in no real rush to lose it.

edited 16th Sep '11 10:29:00 AM by PiccoloNo92

Nothing is shameful about it, that's just an excuse people use when they personally are in a hurry to lose their own but don't want to admit that they're just lustful.

Both sides of this debate are as bad as each other. I see plenty of "any sexual contact at all means I've become unclean" "why are those awful people touching each other, I thought they were my friends and nice people before I found out they did that" etc on the likes of Six Billion Secrets.

My name is Addy. Please call me that instead of my username.

Umm, just because this one does not think that 14 years old should have sex does not mean that she considers sex "unclean" or "nasty" in any way. Sex is a great thing when handled maturely, which most teenagers (not all, obviously) are not capable at.

If we disagree, that much, at least, we have in common

Not the case in my experience; that kind of talk didn't start to emerge until around the 15/16 mark.

IIRC you were expected to have had a girlfriend by 12, which meant you bought each other presents and held hands a lot. If you were hardcore you might have snogged.

edited 16th Sep '11 10:58:01 AM by BobbyG

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To answer the original question, about this much:

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edited 16th Sep '11 11:14:01 AM by Pykrete

I think 14/15 is the new virginity cut off for boys. At least in my highschool it was.

Please.

Also, I think most of the people who actually cared about this were virgins anyway.

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I would be hesitant to assume them equally bad, but yeah, it is pretty much damned if you do, damned if you don't, though especially the former for females and especially the latter for males. (Which also shows that the average person Didn't Think This Through... for males to have sex with females, said females have to have sex with said males.)

Anyway, a lot of people assume that if you didn't have sex it means you couldn't, at least if male... people are more open to the idea that a woman could have sex and would choose not to. Still, those people are not only presumptuous, but fail to take into account several valid reasons why having sex, especially while young, might not be such a great idea. How often do people who make fun of virgin guys offer to help guys who caused unwanted pregnancies meet their child support payments? How often do they support research into the STDs that afflict "stud" guys who end up with them?

EDITED IN: You mean the ones who look down on virgins? If so, you're essentially implying that they are dishonest.

edited 16th Sep '11 11:09:18 AM by HiddenFacedMatt

"The Daily Show has to be right 100% of the time; FOX News only has to be right once." - Jon Stewart

The term I always hear, which bugs me, is that Virgins are "betas" and therefore not superior as males.

That's... kinda silly.

i. hear. a. sound.

^^^ Not exclusively, though I daresay a lot of exaggerative bragging goes on.

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I hear it from silly places.

@Bur: Look up the people sometimes mentioned in the Pu A thread for examples.

edited 16th Sep '11 11:54:09 AM by JosefBugman

I've never been a wait for marriage type, but yeah the pressure to lose your virginity at a young age is stupid. It just leads to nothing but trouble. I pretty much think sex as a goal among itself is a destructive and stupid pursuit.

Sexual activity is seen as a mark of maturity, a rite of passage. Most young people want to be considered mature, ergo, virginity is bad.

...if you don’t love you’re dead, and if you do, they’ll kill you for it.

It has connotations of not being attractive enough to get anyone to sleep with you.

Scepticism and doubt lead to study and investigation, and investigation is the beginning of wisdom. - Clarence Darrow

Jesus Christ, I actually have a legit excuse to say "Back in my day..."; when did the age get pushed forward?

Which also has connotations of being unpopular. Which has connotations in itself of being worth less as a person

edited 16th Sep '11 12:36:04 PM by mailedbypostman

Quite a while back. I remember for my group it was around about 16, and thats at an all boys school for pities sake.

Macho culture like this is a issue... that must be shorted. It is foolish notion and those who commence to the idea that worth comes from mating have no idea what the worth of life be.

I’m a lumberjack and I’m ok. I sleep all night and work all day.

For some reason it was never that big a deal at my school, at least not that I was aware of. Granted, I wasn't the most aware person in my year, but it wasn't uncommon to be genuinely shocked at people getting laid at 15, and this was only 10 years ago. That it was a Catholic school (ostensibly; 60% of pupils weren't Catholic) may have contributed. There were also multiple relationships lasting three years or more among folk in m year, which isn't really standard these days.

Somehow, loyalty took priority over sex for us. Which is why it was such a big deal when Dorothy had an affair with the Tin Man during the production of the Wizard Of Oz when I was in 5th year (as was the Tin Man, Dorothy being in the year below)...

My name is Addy. Please call me that instead of my username.

I question whether or not this actually gets thrown around very much. I've never been made fun of for my virginity*

, and I'm almost never asked about it. Nor is anyone else asked about it all that often.

I think it's a stereotype people have about teenagers. "They're all a bunch of irresponsible sex machines and the ones that aren't are discriminated against" sounds like a massive typecast, and also probably something I'd hear from an ageist.

edited 16th Sep '11 12:48:02 PM by BlixtySlycat

go ahead and do every stupid thing you can imagine

I never remember anyone getting shamed for being a virgin, is was more like the occasion shit-talking by both parties. At most, guys who were virgins were told "Dude, you need to hurry the fuck up and get laid."