Why do people want to have children?

It seems that most people want to have children. They just do, it seems like the obvious thing to them. To me it seems that they haven't given it any thought, or are just following an arbitrary social norm.

I though about why or why not to have children, in our modern societies, and I've mostly come up with negative aspects to having children.

I'm causing damage to myself: Children require a lot of resources, lots of time and money. They cause the parent great stress for many years. A female parent has to suffer some of the most horrible pain imaginable while giving birth.

I'm being a selfish asshole: I do not know if the child will suffer during its life, but I'm forcing life upon it anyway. I do not know if the world has enough resources for more humans, but I'm creating a new one anyway. The child may cause great harm to others during its life. A male parent forces some of the most horrible pain imaginable on his partner.

So, why do people want to have children?

I'll think of one later

Not married with no children myself, frankly I don't know. Even though I know full well how hard it is to take care of a baby, I still want my own.

If a chicken crosses the road and nobody else is around to see it, does the road move beneath the chicken instead?

• Bragging about them and their accomplishments
• Having a pet you can embarrass and that understands your orders better.
• When old enough, extra working hands.
• When even older, if you brainwash them enough, they'll take care of you instead of putting you in a retirement home
• Rambling about some boring hobby of yours to a victim that can't escape

Plus all the misplaced ridiculous things about "propagating the name" et al, though those usually require specifically a male child.

edited 19th Aug '11 2:18:33 AM by Medinoc

"And as long as a sack of shit is not a good thing to be, chivalry will never die."

To build ones personal army of spawn.

The term "Great Man" is disturbingly interchangeable with "mass murderer" in history books.

Inbound natural instincts that must be overcome?

You know that most women in first world countries have access to painkillers, right? I'm not quite versed on how strong those are, but they do help mitigate the pain. And... well, except for cases of rape I've never really heard of it as "forcing pain on their partner".

Frankly, I don't get where all the negativity is coming from. Most people I know (my sister in particular) are pretty happy with having a child. It is, in fact, bringing her the most joy I've seen in her just about ever. And her husband is just ridiculously in love with this baby. It helps that he's a sweet tempered baby who bounces back from just about everything. (Unrelated, me and Mom are betting the next one will be a little devil.)

I guess that's what it comes down to; babies make people happy. Plus, the whole instinct to pass on your genes. Most kids won't go on to become horrible people who deliberately hurt others. Most kids go on to be average people who sometimes hurt others and sometimes help others. There also comes a point where the kid as an individual is responsible for their actions and not the parent.

Firstly, I agree.

TC, I'd assume your glass is half-empty? Or probably completely empty?

In the same vein, I could say "Why do people want to have friends?"

Friends offer superficial monetary benefit most of the time, and in fact, spending time with friends can eat up your resources like water. Friends can potentially cause stress, since human interaction tends to invite arguments. And they often impose on your schedule, which limits your freedom, an extremely important right to most.

Furthermore, I'm being a selfish asshole by forcing these same impositions on my friends. I bother them over the phone or web and force them to acknowledge me and reply, and who knows, maybe their interaction with me will incite one of my friends to head out on a psychopathic rampage and stab to death all my other friends who each befell this misfortune, all because of me...

Of course, this is ignoring all the enjoyment we get out of having friends, but what does that count for?

edited 19th Aug '11 2:37:00 AM by Vellup

They never travel alone.

Mitigate. It's still nine months of being really sick, and it's still damn painful, sometimes with irreversible physical damage. Not to mention psychological conditions some mothers have to go though.

How long can this keep up without being a strain on their resources and nerves? It's not like they can go back now, so even when the child becomes a nuisance they must still convince themselves that they should look happy about it.

I'm not sure there is one, or that it is strong enough to effect your decisions. I think you're mistaking the power of a social norm for instinct. And even if there is a strong instinct to pass on your genes, does that make it in your best interest to do so?

Excellent reasoning. What you say is true and does show how much of a pessimist I'm being.

But there are some differences: You get to choose friends, and if a friend is no longer to your liking you don't have to keep in touch with them. On the other hand, you don't get this choice with your child, a total stranger who you must take care of for many years. The amount of resources you spend on friends is way less than what you spend on a child. You get to choose when to interact with your friends, but you don't get that choice with your child. Your friends also get the same freedoms when they interact with you.

edited 19th Aug '11 3:01:34 AM by Kolikeos

I'll think of one later

Of course: If everyone were like me, the world would be a better place.

"And as long as a sack of shit is not a good thing to be, chivalry will never die."

If everyone are like me, then the world is a better place.

@8

I don't think we have instinct to pass our gene, we have instinct to make, have and love babies.

edited 19th Aug '11 2:56:29 AM by Blurring

If a chicken crosses the road and nobody else is around to see it, does the road move beneath the chicken instead?

The same applies. I think you're mistaking a social norm for instinct.

I'll think of one later

This is the weirdest question ever. Don't you feel the CRAVING to raise some babies? Don't you FEEL IT?!!

To me wanting to have children feels like being hungry or like being thirsty. I just NEED THEM!

Well, that depends on the law in your region. I know it's not as simple as dropping a ten-year-old off at social services and saying, "They're your problem now," but surely there's some legal mechanism for disowning your children? If nothing else, there must be stuff you can do to prove you're an unfit parent and that your child must be taken away for its own protection.

"It takes an idiot to do cool things, that's why it's cool" - Haruhara Haruko

Some people have babies so they can have someone easy to enforce their somewhat controversial views on. Others have babies so they can vicariously live through their children as they have pleasant childhoods unlike their own. Some people see their baby as an agenda to do more stuff onto; others just want to see their own flesh and blood.

Oh you wanna post about me- So why not be open about it? ... Just don't be. A. Closet. Freak.

A character in one of Aristophanes' plays argued that people have children as someone to take revenge on for the things their parents did to them.

I think this is why some generations of families swing to such extremes; if your parents were kitten-huffing, violently sex-ing (in a swing), off every weekend leaving you with the old lady next door who smelled like mushy carrots, and dressed like slutty hippies, you'd probably want a nice, stable, ordinary life for your kids. If your parents were blander than oatmeal and 8" x 11.5" copy paper, you'd want your kids to experience new stuff, be diverse/yourself, etc. But if your parents were in the middle....nothing would change much for your kids, because you didn't have anything against them in the first place.

Oh you wanna post about me- So why not be open about it? ... Just don't be. A. Closet. Freak.

As you said, it's not simple. And even if you do succeed, you've spent a lot of time, money and pain up until that point. Not to mention that you've just done the child a great disservice.

I'll think of one later

Personally, I'm not that fond of having friends OR of having children, so, interesting how that works out. o.o

"The Daily Show has to be right 100% of the time; FOX News only has to be right once." - Jon Stewart

It perpetuates the family name ensuring that some part of you will still exist, regardless of what happens to you after the birth.

Mostly though, it just being able to love and care for something that is your own. You are able to help another develop and mold them into a stable individual.

Also, babies are adorable.

edited 19th Aug '11 4:23:12 AM by Pentadragon

I don't have any desire to have any biological kids of my own. I don't see it as necessary to pass on my own genes as if I'm being honest with myself they aren't particularly anything extraordinary and I don't really care about passing on my family name that much. Besides I have a younger brother to do all that stuff anyway

Though despite saying all that I do love kids, they can be annoying little brats at times but also incredibly sweet and I do see myself maybe wanting to adopt in the future if I have a partner and in a stable, loving relationship. I guess it's just nice to have someone you adore the hell out of and want to do anything for and wanting to give them the best life possible. May not be a whole lot of reasoning in it but it's just a wonderful feeling I guess.

edited 20th Aug '11 5:42:55 AM by PiccoloNo92

@11

Instinct is what people wants to do automatically. Like people want to eat when they are hungry. The want for food to satiate the hunger is instinctive. Even though the real reason the body want food is for obtaining carbon and energy. Similarly, people have a want to make babies, that is instinctive. When the babies come, their parents will look at their cute faces and instinctively want to care for them. So, by following what is instinctive, humans spread their genes even though none of their instincts make them want to spread their genes.

And yes, knowing that still makes me want to have children of my own.

edited 19th Aug '11 6:00:39 AM by Blurring

If a chicken crosses the road and nobody else is around to see it, does the road move beneath the chicken instead?

Well, nature compels every living creature to exstent it's genetic legacy. It is literally an instinctual thing.

That's not to say we should all make like bunnies, some thought should be applied to when reproducing (time, money, stable situation.)

edited 19th Aug '11 7:00:39 AM by TheEmeraldDragon

I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.

I don't think that social norms and instinct are mutually exclusive in this case. Passing down your genes to the next generation is a very powerful and primal biological urge that is exhibited by every species, including other animals who also have social structures. The ability, and drive, to have offspring means that a species isn't automatically doomed to extinction.

Just because some people decide not to have children doesn't automatically mean that having children must be a social expectation instead of an instinct.

edited 19th Aug '11 7:44:06 AM by RedViking

I very much approve of this way of thinking!

Adoption has all the self inflicted drawbacks (waste of time and resources, stress) and all the (imagined, in my opinion) benefits of raising a child. Except that in the case of adoption you are most likely improving the life of an already alive child at your own expense. It's a selfless act. You are also avoiding the need to create an extra person, and you avoid the gruesome pain a woman has to suffer to create one.

As for wanting children being an instinct: I don't think it's a strong instinct. I do think that the social expectation to have children has a lot more influence on us than our instinct. Anyway, if there is such an instinct, wouldn't adopting a child satisfy it to some degree? And why should we follow our instinct anyway? Especially if it leads to a negative outcome?

I'll think of one later

Something about raising a son... it's hard to explain.

If you don't like a single Frank Ocean song, you have no soul.