Draconian measures you will implement if you take over the world

Title says it all, really: what tyrannical laws and regulations would you put into place if you successfully Took Over The World?

This thread is supposed to be entirely in jest. Please keep any ideas related to Real Life politics out of here, thank you, unless they are of a more generic nature.

Things you can expect from my dictatorship:

• Bringing babies into movie theaters, for any reason, would be a crime.

• The following forms of music would be put under probation: country, new age, rap, and hip-hop. By probation, I mean that the 2% of those genres that don't suck would be given special endowments from my government, while the bad artists would be shot on sight.

• Breeding licenses would be mandatory before any people can procreate. Unlike the other examples on this list, I'm not entirely sure if I'm joking about this one.

• All public speakers are required to have an historian, an economist, a political scientist, and any other experts appropriate to their speech standing behind them whenever the speak in public. Whenever the speaker says something that one of the experts deems to be untrue/idiotic, said expert will then punch the speaker viciously in the face. This will have the advantage of utterly destroying every election campaign for the rest of eternity.

• All car radios will be fitted with detonators that will explode if the bass is turned too loud in a residential area.

• The following products will be banned: automatic toilets, jeans, pants without pockets, pickles, and baked beans.

• I want a pony.

Every day at high noon, my citizens must dance the Funky Chicken. This is an important patriotism-building activity.

All girls will be bisexual.

Yeah. Cus I'm evil like that.

Rule One: Don't be stupid.

Rule Two: Everything Not Prohibited Is Mandatory.

A draconian measure to improve the world's aesthetics:

"The King hath yesterday in Council declared his resolution of setting a fashion for clothes, which he will never alter. It will be a vest..."

I'll be like VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!! (*Throws Molotov cocktail*)

Oh yeah, and I will make fanny packs mandatory. HA!

Thou monster! That will ruin the lines of every coat!

(*Revolts*)

• The intentional harming and/or killing of a cat or dog shall be punishable by summary torture and execution without trial.

• I get first dibs on everything.

• Everyone will get along...or else.

Here's mine:

1. The false idol of anyone I don't like shall be publicly destroyed.

2. Naming your child something stupid or unusual shall be a crime, punishable by the offender(s) getting slapped and told to choose a proper name.

3. ALL HUMAN RIGHTS ARE REVOKED UPON COMMITTING A CRIME OR ANNOYING ME

4. Abolish the current copyright systems in favour of Creative Commons-style licences.

5. All people must be given permission to have children, anyone who violates this act will be castrated, except in the case of it being an accident, in which case the child will be allowed to live, if the parents can prove they are able to raise the child well.

6. I am allowed to do what I want, and when I feel like it, even if it's not a good idea.

edited 20th Aug '11 4:31:54 PM by Steventheman

Oh lookie, the second OP I've seen this goddamn week that called for the murder of rappers! Yeah, in my empire, this kind of shit would constitute an atomic wedgie. Also, mandatory pets. Fuck your allergies, PUPPIES FOR EVERYONE.

edited 17th Aug '11 2:50:38 PM by KitsuneInferno

People who stay in stores after the store is ready to close, especially when they have no intention of purchasing anything, will be petrified and sold as art.

Soccer and fried foods will be illegal.

Yeah, I'm evil.

edited 17th Aug '11 3:04:49 PM by MrAHR

Ok, My rules:

• Every radio station has a mandatory Throbbing Gristle, Lustmord & SPK quotient.

Oh, radio stations...I have rule for those.

• Completely fucking random.

@Kitsune: In my defense, I only specified the bad rappers. I acknowledge that there are good ones out there, thank you; I just don't think that there are many of them.

And there are equally numerous and shitty folk, metal, indie, electronic, pop, art/prog/avant-garde artists. Your point?

If I take over the world, everyone must have straight sex in the missionary position for the purpose of procreation.

edited 17th Aug '11 3:45:40 PM by RocketScience

In my country, all music except showtunes will be outlawed.

When I take over the world, The Beatles will be enshrined and rap artists will be banned.

My only music-related rule will be "Listen to what you like but if someone asks you to turn it down, especially if it is someone in the apartment below you and they're trying to sleep because it's 3 AM and they have work the next day, turn it down. Or be petrified."

All fans and creators of heavy metal, classic rock, and video game music shall be subjected to mandatory electroshock therapy until they are trained to enjoy/create either hip-hop, jazz, indie rock, or funk.

edited 17th Aug '11 4:38:48 PM by Wicked223

You monster.

That sounds like what someone in desperate need of electroshock therapy would say.