We are making jokes around SCP-504

So we decided with the rousing success of other SCP tests on this location that maybe we can continue testing with SCP subjects. As usual one Subject-Troper must give the test and another must give the results. In this case the tests are all attempts at puns and humor. to make things easier I will run the first test myself Doctor-S[REDACTED]. Please try to avoid needless deaths.

You can find other tests here

TEST: Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery

RESULTS: SCP-504 clocked in at normal throwing speeds. No damage done to subject.

Simple no now let us continue?

TEST: Why are all skeletons perverts? Because they all have boners!

edited 12th Jul '11 11:25:05 PM by stevebat

Result: SCP-504 clocked in at 220 MPH, resulting in a few broken ribs.

Test: Do Ents get morning wood?

Result: SCP-504 seemingly disappeared with a loud bang, as did the tester's head along with the wall behind him.

Test: In world war 2, didn't America help Russia? weren't we just Lenin a hand?

Result: SCP-504 clocked at 110 MPH. No substantial injuries recorded.

Test: [In a German accent] Zwei peanuts were walking down die Strasse when one was assalted!

Result: SCP-504 paused for some moments, before accelerating to 114 MPH. Subject suffered crippling pain to the groin and has been hospitalised.

Test: What do you get when you cross a flock of sheep and a pogo stick? A woolly jumper!

Result: Tomato clocked in at 203 miles per hour. Subject suffered moderate concussion upon impact.

Input: Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"

edited 10th Aug '11 8:30:00 PM by Zennistrad

Result: Tomato clocked at 1776 miles an hour. Subject's head shattered.

Test:
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Doctor."
"Doctor who?"

edited 11th Aug '11 2:54:33 AM by LiberatedLiberater

Result: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Tomato at remained motionless for a few seconds, then [DATA EXPUNGED] time warp [DATA EXPUNGED] swirling energy vortex [DATA EXPUNGED] drumming noise [DATA EXPUNGED] described as "looking like pepper shakers" [DATA EXPUNGED] shouting "exterminate" [DATA EXPUNGED] appeared to move when unobserved [DATA EXPUNGED] celestial bodies disappearing from the sky [DATA EXPUNGED] two hearts [DATA EXPUNGED] code-named "Torchwood" [DATA EXPUNGED].

Input: How do you get a pikachu onto a bus? You Poke 'em on.

Result: SCP-504 clocked in at 145 MPH, resulting in major bruises along the chest.

Input: -tells an Aristocrats joke-

Result: Speed approximately [REDACTED]. Injuries included [DATA EXPUNGED].

Test: Is this supposed to be a joke?

Result: SCP-504 shakes for a second before ultimately stopping.

Test: So, if the head of Tibetan Buddhism uses a handcart to carry around his South American pack animal, would that make it the Dali Lama's llama dolly?

RESULT: SCP-504 recorded at 400 miles per hour. Subject suffered extreme groin injury.

Ouch. -Dr. O'Malley

TEST: (Says something out of a Mel Brooks film.)

BLARGS

result: 117 mph, going behind the subject, before turning and striking the kidney.

joke: so a bar walks into a man, the man is crushed, and the bar is torn down for safety reasons, then a rabbi comes in and says, "if i had a nickel for every time this happened, I'd be one rich rabbi". The town drunk shows up and is upset about the demolishment of his favorite drinkin location, and he decides to brew his own beer, but he dies on the way home because he didn't look both ways before crossing the street.

Result: SCP-504 quivered for a moment, as if unsure of what it had just heard. This was immediately followed by the tomato present falling straight down. The Tomato in question then proceeded to explode in spectacular fashion.

Uhh... I go nothin'. -Dr. O'Malley.

Test: So, Newton, Pascal, and Einstein are playing hide and seek one day. Einstein is seeking, Newton and Pascal are hiding. Pascal goes off and hides up in an apple tree. Newton, however, draws a square meter and stands in it. When Einstein finishes counting, he turns around to Newton and says, "What the heck are you doing, Newton, I found you!" Newton grins smugly and replies, "You didn't find me you found a Newton over a meter squared. You found Pascal!"

Results: The tomatoes appeared to bounce 125 mph, Subject received a small skull fracture.

Test: Why did Mickey Mouse get shot? Because Donald ducked!

Result: SCP-904 reached 258 miles per hour. Subject received a broken rib and some internal bleeding

"Why did the chicken do a seance? To get to the other side."

SCP-504 launched 200 km towards subject. Subject promptly disappeared with a symbol on the floor.

"How do you get Marvin Gaye's sheep back to him? You herd it through the grapevine!"

Handful of grapes; clocked at 110 MPH.

Okay, so there's a Beer Summit happening one day, and everyone goes for lunch. Of course, they all order their own brand. The CEO of Coors orders a Coors, the CEO of Miller orders a Millers Lite, etc. The CEO of Guiness, however, orders a Dr. Pepper. "Hey, how come you didn'd order a Guiness?" asks Budweiser. "Well, if you guys aren't having beer, then neither am I."

The tomatoes combined to form a massive hand which smashed into the subject's face at Mach 9, turning it to chunky salsa.

How much [REDACTED] could a [DATA EXPUNGED] [REDACTED] if a [DATA EXPUNGED] could [REDACTED] [REDACTED]?

edited 24th Aug '15 3:20:19 AM by 434411423124222344

Result: SCP-504 flew at the test subject, scoring "3.7" hits. Subject was familiar with Calvin & Hobbes: The Series.

Test: Expose it to an early episode of Arby n' the Chief.

RESULT:No change in speed. The tomato slice split in two, and now both of the speakers used in the test are broken.

TEST:Why did the Spy cross the road? Because he never really was on your side.

Result: SCP-504 clocked at 144 mph.

Test: Expose it to a Charlie Chaplin silent film.

Result: SCP-504 clocked in at 178 mph. The subject experienced profuse pain and a broken nose.

Test: Why are skeletons such bad liars? Because you can see right through them.

Result: 504 launches a tomato clocking at 322 mph.

Test: A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt. He says, "A beer please! And one for the road!"