All Purpose General Fanfiction Posting Thread

When she came back from what Leon had grinningly called Knightsaber Nudie Island— which he'd promptly been smacked by Priss for— Mackie had been waiting. Nene slowed as she saw him, eyeing him nervously. The places on his arms where tendrils had erupted were smooth and unmarked. His face was the same as it had always been, with no strange veins or flickers of uncanny madness lurking. He was just… him. The way his eyes lit up when he saw her, how he began to smile, his lips beginning to shape her name.

"Nene!" he cried, and there was pure emotion in his voice. It was hard to believe he was a boomer.

So she didn't.

"Mackie!" she greeted back, beginning to run towards him.

He was Mackie, whole and entire. So what if he wasn't made the same as her? Men were already from Mars. Robo-Mars made no difference.

Now, a distant part of her thought as his warm, oh so warm, soft, gentle arms held her as if he never intended to let go, she just had to get on Sylia's good side. She looked the possessive sister type…

Maybe you should delegate ten minutes or so and put pen to paper on either Negima Piece or that Metal Gear Evangelion thing.

As if confused by Kaname's rage, Sousuke snapped to attention and barked out his report. "The first woman had been exhibiting suspicious behavior over the past seventy-five hours, including a - rather amatuer - attempt at continuous covert surveillance. When she delivered a packet of chocolates to me several minutes ago, I suspected that she was being used as an assassin - the seemingly-infatuated student is one of the most basic counters that terrorists use against agents undercover in educational facilites. With myself out of the way, your security would be compromised, thus giving those who desire Black Technology easier access to you. Since the chocolates were probably laced with poison of some sort, I disposed of the weapon and detonated it with plastic explosives."

Kaname's eye twitched. "The... first?"

Sousuke added, "Over the hour or so since then, four others have made similar attempts. Clearly, the organization we're dealing with is either incredibly persistent, or incompetently stubborn."

Kaname inhaled as if to scream, before then letting out a sigh. Sousuke was being his typical idiot self, seeing military conspiracies where none were to be found, but she could see the logic he was working with. Apparently, it was time to explain another facet of civilian life.

"Sousuke, there's this thing called Valentine's Day, when girls give chocolates to the guys that they like. ... You know, romantically. It's a tradition of the Japanese people, not a terrorist conspiracy."

Resting his chin in his hand, Sousuke took in that information. "I see. Using a national tradition as a cover... how insidious."

Exhausted from her duties on the Student Council, Kaname just shoved a box of chocolates into his hand and walked off to her next class. "Happy Valentine's Day, Sousuke. Talk to you later."

Nonplussed, Sousuke stared at the box for a few seconds, before stashing it with his MRE pack.

The idea that Kaname might have been part of the conspiracy never once entered his mind.

Since I'm the only one in this traincar sketching in the margins of my notebook, I know that must sound strange. First term hasn't even begun, and I'm taking up space on all these clean sheets of paper, too. Talk about getting a head start on passing the time.

I get the feeling drawing isn't a popular diversion. I think most people feel they can't do it correctly, but there isn't really a right way or a wrong way. If you keep your goals modest, does it matter if you draw a person's head too large or the legs too small? Yeah, some know-it-all art major might say you don't know anything about good techniques, but for me, it's not about that. I don't pretend to be capable of the next Mona Lisa. I sketch things in my notebooks now and then—sometimes with pens way too thick to do anything precise—because it's a good distraction, because it helps me focus on something. Sometimes, I remember lectures better because I know what I was drawing while I wasn't really paying attention at the time. Weird, right?

But just because I can draw half-decent sketches and doodles doesn't mean I understand art. I don't, and I realized I don't have to. Everyone has their own interpretation of a work. Mine just happens to be abject bewilderment most of the time.

I don't draw to have my doodles understood, though. I'm not even really an artist. I studied physics in undergrad. In some ways, it's very different. There's a problem to be solved, and maybe you don't know how to solve it (or even what the problem is), but there's a clear goal in mind for every situation. As my optics professor said once, "If you're going to stand naked in front of a window in broad daylight, you'd better be sure more sunlight reflects than passes through, or else the police will quickly be at your door. Luckily, I can teach you the principles needed to figure out just that."

…he was actually one of the saner ones, too.

Believe it or not, though, art and science have a lot in common, too. In the end, nothing we find with science matters if we can't get the ideas across to others. With art, it's not necessarily idea. It could be a feeling you want to express, but the concept is the same. A mathematical equation or a painting on a canvas are both ways to communicate something that requires more than just words to express.

I knew someone once who found words all but impossible to work with.

And I'm going to see her.

I haven't spoken to her in years, not since a rainy day in the summer of my third year in high school. I've known for some time where she went after that—the art teacher, Nomiya, was all too proud of what Rin had accomplished, and he'd tell anyone who wanted to hear about her scholarship offer in Tokyo. She was his prized pupil, after all, and as sad as it was that she'd left him, he beamed with pride at even the mention of her name.

Rin wasn't like other people, though. She didn't care to stay in touch with people. She may have thought there was nothing to say. I've heard from other students from Yamaku now and then. Shizune has a business degree, but she spends a lot of time doing charity events and other good work like that. Mutou tells me Misha teaches sign language at Yamaku, and just by thinking about her, I can hear her laughter echoing through the halls. Rin's friend Emi is all over the Internet with photos of her running marathons all over the world. She's a personal trainer, and I think she must be happy drawing up dietary plans and exercise regimens for her clients.

I made a point to catch up with some friends of mine from home, too, once I graduated from Yamaku. Iwanako is married now, to a man I don't know, but I sent her my congratulations, which she accepted cordially. We've never discussed the letter she sent me after I left—or my short reply, which in hindsight I realize was altogether inadequate. To be honest, after all this time, I don't know what either of us would say.

Things are what they are, I guess. They're neither right nor wrong; there's only your willingness to change them, if you choose to.

That's part of why I'm on this train, surrounded by strangers who have no interest in my doodles. A couple pieces of luggage are all I have with me—barely more than what I brought to Yamaku. I might have to go back to my parents' house to pick up some more things later on. Yes, definitely. Home isn't where the heart is; it's where your stuff is. I've learned that well.

I say Rin is part of the reason I'm coming to Tokyo because even if she weren't there, I'd have a good reason to go. Come Monday, I'll be a student in the physics master's program at University of Tokyo. It's daunting, being at the best school in the country. Already, I've heard horror stories from former students about professors humiliating them during presentations. Even one derisive snort while you're up there, standing before a panel of professors to explain and defend your research, could be soul-shattering. I hardly want to think about it. I've got nearly two years of work to do before I reach that point.

Still, I'm proud and honored just to be facing that challenge. I realized, after Rin left, that I'd thought she was an artist who made art for the sake of it. As difficult as she always was to understand, I couldn't have misjudged her more. I thought she was a person who could just put everything else aside because she had clear talent, because there was something she knew she could do. That's not Rin at all, though. All along, she was trying to find herself, and the process nearly destroyed her. I couldn't just hang around her and hope for a magic sense of purpose to fall into my lap, especially after she left. I buckled down and focused on what I wanted to do. Mutou helped with that a lot, and lo and behold, here I am.

If I look at my reflection in the train window, I think all I'd have to do to look like him is grow some stubble and put on a world-weary stare. Heh. What's scary is that I don't think I'd mind that.

Overall, I'm not going to get my hopes up. I'd be fine just seeing Rin once, saying hello, catching up, and going our separate ways again for a few years. That's what adults do, after all, right? They maintain friendships over decades, not needing to talk to someone every day or every other day or even less than that.

I realize I don't sound very convincing when I say that. Adulthood still puzzles me sometimes.

In the train, some of the passengers are starting to wake up. The lights flicker. A young girl in the row ahead me points and calls to her father. "Look, look, Daddy, the tower!"

The orange-and-white metal tower dominates the view. I've heard it's painted that way because of air safety, but that doesn't make a lot of sense. The Eiffel Tower doesn't have to be painted. There must be an explanation; it's something I'll have to look up, I guess. Still, I can't imagine the Tokyo Tower looking any other way. I quickly try to sketch it in my notebook, but it's difficult with other buildings zipping past. Maybe I can capture that with some kind of blur….

But it all zooms by in too much of a hurry. Before long, we're pulling into the train station, and I need to pack my things. Two bags? Check. Notebook? Check. Address card? Check. There's one more thing, though, and I pat my pocket to be sure it's there. As the train rolls to a stop, I pull it out just to check it's really what I think it is. It's a flyer—well, a flyer printed out on an ordinary sheet of paper, so the texture is smooth, not glossy.

"Tokyo University of the Arts — Opening Exhibition," reads the title, and the background is a cubist rendition of a man's face, in blue instead of skin tones. Apparently it's an annual tradition at the school to have the new students meet their peers through their work.

I can't think it's great advertising to put a bunch of students' names down as featured artists if no one knows who they are, but all I need to see is Rin's name to know where I'll be Monday night.

The train stops, and I close my notebook with the sketch of the Tokyo Tower unfinished. I'm okay with that. There's plenty of time to finish something once it's started.

Even if it takes me over four years to do it.

"What do you want me to tell you, huh?" he asked. "That I love you? That's what you'd want, right? I can't believe it. Me, telling you I love you. What, not blowing the planet up and not killing all those idiots, plus enduring your nagging all these years, all that wasn't enough for you? No, so now I must tell you I love you. Well, tough, woman, because I'm not going to tell you 'I love you'. No way you'll hear an 'I love you' from me! Not even Kakarott would ever be that sappy, and he's a subdued idiot. So you can stay there waiting forever for that 'I love you'. Yeah, you heard me right..."

He seethed for a few moments, with his face strangely red and sweaty, before placing a hand on the gravestone and whispering something his son couldn't hear from where he waited, way back.

Then the short man turned around crisply, grumbled a somber "Goodbye," and began walking away.

Trunks walked next to him with a small melancholic smile. "I'm glad you finally could tell her, even if she always kne—"

"I didn't!" his father snapped quickly.

Yozora had lost in scissors-paper-stone, so she had been left with the portable console to play while Sena used the clubroom's TV and PS 3. The fact those also had been bought and brought by Sena helped too.

"You know," Yozora grunted, "there's something that has always bothered me about these stupid galge. If you're playing a guy, and you're a mean bastard to girls, you'll end up justifiably alone and loveless, right?"

"Ah-hah. Or stabbed if you mess up really bad," Sena agreed for once, since she was too hypnotized by her own dating sim to find a reason to argue.

"Well, that's great, but like half the bitches to woo in this shit are just as bad if not worse. Dating your rival as soon as your compatibility points go down, verbally abusing you at the drop of a hat, acting all selfish and arrogant, like they're better than everyone else."

"Yeah, that's really annoying," Sena agreed once again with a vacant nod. Hell froze.

"And yet, they never pay for it!" Yozora hissed. "Either you drag yourself through the mud to marry them, only to surely be left penniless by them a few years after when you divorce, or you end up alone while they continue being beautiful, airheaded and beloved by everyone despite being useless bags of shit! Man, this pisses me off!"

"Yeah, and when they aren't bitches, they are spinless doormats who only live to please others. It's disgusting," Sena commented as Yukimura served her tea without a word. "I hate that kind of stupid extremes. But at least galge give you some chances to date the odd normal or funny and friendly lively girl. In anime and manga, it's always the bitch who wins."

"Yeah, but those routes are hard to find in the first place," Yozora frowned while Rika walked before her to go pick some books up. "And they're always the shortest too. Like the developers want to railroad you into suffering through the bitch's and the doormat's route instead of going off the beaten path."

Kodaka sighed. "Why don't we start buying fighting games then? You can play those online, so we could make some—"

"Don't interrupt!-!" Sena and Kodaka yelled at him at once. Then they turned their attentions back to their games.

"Someone should already make an option to see those domineering no good bitches old and alone at the game's end," Yozora mused. "It'd be very cathartic..."

"Oh ho ho, you were bound to have a good idea at some random day, Weasel..." Sena mocked her.

"Shut up, Meat."

Sixty years later, Yozora picked up her cup of tea and gave a tired sigh. "I feel so alone..."

"I'm still here, old weasel," Sena wheezed across the table, frowning at her.

"It's still the same thing, you piece of flaccid meat with droopy breasts," Yozora muttered. "Living with no one but a nagging old witch like you is such a bore..."

"Hey, that's my line...!"

They kept on mumbling to themselves for a few moments, until a wrinkled hand rested on top of another. It didn't matter who had done it, who was on top this time, or exactly why.

At least they weren't alone.

“They were calling me by that name again,” said Tatewaki Kuno, masked vigilante of the lawless region known as the Nerima district of Tokyo. Although between his dark cowl, his black gloves and boots, his grey sweater and slacks, his black mask, his metal bat, and the two-horned helmet he was wearing, one could be forgiven for mistaking him for someone else. Such as a deranged psychopath.

“Indeed, sir,” replied Sasuke Sarugakure, short ninja sidekick of aforementioned vigilante. “If I may, I must admit that I find it to be a fitting name.”

“But it is not the moniker that I have chosen to be known as,” replied Kuno, more than a little annoyed. “How am I supposed to properly terrify the members of the criminal underworld if they believe me to go by something as droll as 'The Bat Man'?!” he asked, waving the bat that had earned him said name.

“...Hit them harder?” suggested Sasuke.

“Hmm... I suppose that could work,” muttered Kuno. Pausing, he took a moment to look over the unconscious thugs laying on the warehouse floor in a rough circle around them. “Although I do believe that I have been hitting them fairly hard as is.”

“And they seemed absolutely terrified of you once they realized you were here,” said Sasuke.

“Indeed,” affirmed Kuno, grasping his bat tightly in a gloved hand. “But were they terrified enough? I seek to reform these lowly criminals by making continuing their lives of crime a prospect too horrifying for them to consider. I ask you this: will we see these men again?”

“...Possibly,” admitted Sasuke. “Although I suspect that their injuries shall keep them off the streets for at least a few weeks.” However, before he could continue, the sound of approaching sirens caught his attention. “I hear the cops coming. We need to get out of here.”

“Indeed. Let us return to the mansion!” announced Kuno dramatically. “Whereupon we shall discuss ways to strike terror deeper into the hearts of the superstitious and cowardly lot that is the criminal underworld of Nerima!”

“...Oh joy...” grumbled Sasuke. Though he would never admit it to his master, he greatly preferred him to be known as 'The Bat Man' to Kuno's intended moniker. 'The Night Beater' just sounded far too inappropriate to be taken seriously.

It had been a good day for six-year-old Tatewaki Kuno. He had played hero with his little sister, Kodachi, who had generously agreed to play the princess, while Sasuke, one of his family's servants, had agreed to be the evil ninja who had kidnapped said princess. He had painted a picture on his new easel. He'd had a delicious lunch at a new restaurant known as “Mc Donalds”. He had managed to convince his parents to take him and his sister to the new Digimon movie. And he'd even gotten his parents to buy him and Kodachi some candy to eat during the movie. An unlikely start to what would soon become the worst day of his life.

As the Kuno family came out of the movie theater, young Tatewaki had the misfortune of spotting a man mugging a woman at knife-point in an alley across the street. Being young, stupid, recently inspired by a children's cartoon, and unaware of the cruelty of the world, he did the first thing that came to mind: he tried to stop the mugger. And being a small child, he tried to do it by yelling at him to stop.

Unfortunately, the world is not a fair place. Circumstances drive people to commit terrible acts, heroes do not always arrive to save the day, and things do not always turn out all right in the end. The man committing the mugging, startled by Tatewaki's shout, immediately turned his attention on the young boy. With a kick, he knocked the boy away. Had his parents stayed back, things might have turned out better. But they didn't.

With a cry of rage, Tatewaki's father leapt forward, attempting to tackle the mugger. While the two of them struggled, the original victim ran. Tatewaki's mother tried to pull the boy away from the alley, but before she was able to, his father gave a pained squeak and went limp. With a grunt of exertion, the mugger shoved him off, revealing his now bloody knife. Gasping, Tatewaki's mother dropped him on the sidewalk.

Groaning, Tatewaki sat back up, only to look at the bleeding form of his father. “...Dad?” asked Tatewaki, slowly realizing that something was wrong. Suddenly gripped by fear, he looked up at the mugger, who looked about as stunned as his mother did. Realizing that he'd just killed a man, however unintentionally, the would-be mugger-turned-murderer looked at his mother. Who he quickly realized was a witness.

Abruptly the man lunged forward, driving his knife into the neck of Tatewaki's mother. Pulling it free, he then turned to Tatewaki. Paralyzed with fear, the young boy could only watch in horror as the man that had just killed his parents took a step toward him. And then jerked back as his mother yanked on the killers leg, trying desperately to save her son in her final moments. And just like that, Tatewaki could move.

Screaming, Tatewaki ran into the night. Moments later, the murderer followed him, having finished off his mother. And all alone stood a horrified Kodachi, forgotten in the commotion.

Tatewaki ran. His father was dead. His mother was dead. And he was going to be next. He didn't know where his sister was. All he knew was that the murderer was after him.

The murderer ran. He had just killed two people. He had let someone get away who had seen his face. He would have to hope they just didn't report him. But the kid had to be shut up before he told anyone or drew attention. He could go back for the bodies later. But he had to get the the kid first. If the cops came to investigate, he wouldn't have time to hide what he'd done. His life would be over. So he ran.

The boy was fast, but he wasn't faster than his pursuer. If he'd had time to think, he would have realized this. He might have tried to hide. He didn't. Instead, he ran as fast as he could. And he tripped.

With a cry of pain, Tatewaki Kuno landed on the concrete. Not having time to get back up, he curled into the fetal position and waited for the inevitable. And waited. After a few seconds of nothing happening, he fearfully turned back.

Sasuke Sarugakure, a ninja of the Sarugakure clan under the employ of the Kuno family, would never forget that day. He had been following the family during their entire outing. Being a ninja, he did his best to stay out of sight so as not to interrupt the Kuno family's enjoyment, but stayed close by enough to intervene if anything happened to them. Unfortunately, he neglected to use the bathroom before the outing. He probably could have used it during the movie without leaving the family in too much danger, but although he hated to admit it, he had been enjoying the movie. So, as the credits rolled, he had run for the bathroom. It was a stupid decision he would spend the rest of his life punishing himself for making.

When he had left the bathroom, the family was nowhere in sight. So Sasuke had rushed to catch up. What he had found was the bloody corpses of the two older Kunos, and a shocked, crying Kodachi Kuno. And no Tatewaki Kuno in sight. He'd immediately noticed the bloody footprints leading away from his dead masters and, grabbing Kodachi, took off after them. If there was even a chance of rescuing his young ward, he had to take it. He owed his dead masters that much.

Being a ninja, Sasuke was much faster than the newly minted murderer, and quickly caught up. With a swift strike to the base of the spine, Sasuke rendered the murderer unconscious before he had even noticed him. Looking up, he spotted Tatewaki Kuno laying on the ground, curled into a ball and crying. Apparently he'd arrived just in time to save the boy. ...No. He'd arrived far, far too late.

After collecting Tatewaki, he used a phone booth to contact the police. They arrested the man, and Sasuke never saw him again. He then went about making the funeral arrangements. And then he contacted his clan.

With their parents dead, Sasuke's contract was nullified. He should have immediately returned to his village to await his next mission. Instead, he stayed with the Kuno children, determined to keep them safe until their new guardians were appointed. Unfortunately, his plan ran into a problem: the Kunos had no surviving relatives outside of the children. If no guardians could be found, they would be placed into an orphanage.

Desperate to somehow make up for his failure, Sasuke accepted guardianship over the two newly orphaned Kunos.

Princess Kodachi was happy. She was a princess in a castle filled with servants who did everything she asked them to, and she went on adventures, and everyone loved her, and she got everything she wanted, and everything was perfect.

Sometimes it seemed like there was something else, but she couldn't remember what. Maybe it had something to do with why her brother Prince Tatewaki was sad. When she asked him about it, he wouldn't talk. And trying to remember what it was hurt, so she usually didn't. Instead, she spent her perfect days enjoying her perfect life. And since her life was perfect, she saw no reason to change it. After all, why change perfection?

Sasuke was worried. His new masters, Tatewaki and Kodachi, were not okay. Tatewaki seemed to be running on autopilot. He hadn't said much since his parents had died. He wouldn't talk at all unless he was made to. He didn't react emotionally. He didn't do anything unless he was prompted to do so by someone else. And as far as Sasuke knew, he hadn't played at all during that time.

Kodachi, on the other hand, wouldn't stop playing. She seemed to have become completely convinced that she was the princess of a magical land. She wouldn't refer to him as anything but Sir Knight Sasuke. She wouldn't refer to her brother as anything but Prince Tatewaki. And she wouldn't respond to anything but Princess Kodachi. It would be a relief compared to Tatewaki if it weren't for the fact that she seemed to be losing touch with reality.

Even when referring to her as Princess Kodachi, the young Kuno daughter wouldn't always respond. And when she did, it was always part of the fairy tail story she seemed to be living. With each passing day, Kodachi seemed to become less and less aware of her surroundings. The more he tried to reach out to her, the less she seemed to respond.

In a way, Kodachi's loss of touch with reality was like her brother's withdrawal from it. And despite Sasuke's best efforts at getting the two to interact with their surroundings, both of the Kuno siblings seemed trapped in their own worlds. But Sasuke hadn't become a ninja by being easily dissuaded. So he kept trying. He would succeed eventually. He just had to keep believing that.

Tatewaki was the first to start to recover. After two months of silence, he asked for something else for breakfast. Sasuke, relieved that Tatewaki had actually asked for something, was all too willing to throw out the breakfast he'd just spent the morning making.

Shortly after that, he began paying attention to his surroundings. And he concluded that his sister was crazy. While Sasuke was happy Tatewaki was talking again, he didn't particularly approve of his young ward's willingness to state his analysis of his sister's sanity to her face. A lot. Oddly enough, this was almost always enough to get through Kodachi's delusion long enough for the two of them to get into fights with each other.

Sasuke had never been happier to deal with two children behaving like horrible little brats.

Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High and secretly the vigilante that had been dubbed as “The Bat Man” by the criminal underworld of the Nerima district of Tokyo, was feeling rather pleased. In the six months since he'd taken up the mask, helmet, cloak, and baseball bat, local crime rates had fallen by almost 50%. Most of which had occurred in the past month. And that was good. He was doing good, and he was proud of it. And this drove him to train even harder than before. Crime didn't rest, so he had to be ever prepared for anything that he might come across.

The sound of a spit-take drew the Kuno heir's attention from his morning workout to his servant Sasuke, who was in the process of reading the morning paper. “Does something trouble you?”

Looking up to his young master, Sasuke jumped up and began waving the newspaper. “Master Kuno, look!” Handing the paper to Kuno, Sasuke gestured toward an article a few pages in. “Those guys from the drug deal we busted last month! They've all been released, and all the charges have been dropped!”

“What?!” snarled the senior Kuno, grasping the newspaper. “That's preposterous! We presented them to the police on a silver platter! We relieved them of their consciousness, verified their identities, confirmed the presence of the illegal substances with which they had been dealing, informed the authorities, and even stayed around long enough to verify the approach of the police before leaving.” Throwing it down in disgust, he scowled. “This is absurd. Sasuke! Clearly this bears investigation! To the police station!”

Once he began speaking again, Tatewaki began demonstrating an interest in martial arts. Initially, this took the form of an interest in samurai and kung fu movies, but eventually he requested that Sasuke arrange kendo lessons for him. To the ninja's surprise, the young Kuno showed an aptitude for the sport that he had never seen in a newcomer before. That Sasuke had not actually seen anyone learn Kendo may have had something to do with it.

Once Tatewaki began learning kendo, he became extremely dedicated. It wasn't long before he began practicing outside of his lessons. He could often be seen in the front yard swinging his bokken. Consequently, it wasn't long before Kodachi redubbed him as Sir Knight Kuno. However, Tatewaki's continued refusal to participate in Kodachi's fantasy world resulted in him being re-redubbed at The Lazy Knight That Doesn't Do Anything.

Despite his training, Tatewaki was too young to compete in tournaments. Nor were there any local children trained in kendo. Kodachi had no interest in the sport. The sensei instructing the young Kuno heir was quite a bit taller than the seven year old, in addition to outmatching him significantly skill, speed, and strength-wise, making him an ill choice as a sparring partner. The only person with an even passing familiarity with the sport with a similar body size to Tatewaki was his servant/guardian Sasuke. And so it came to be that Sasuke Sarugakure became the sparring partner of Tatewaki Kuno.

Tatewaki Kuno, champion of the Furinkan High School Kendo Club, heir to the Kuno fortune, and secretly the vigilante known at “The Bat Man” (much to his chagrin), was displeased. It had come to his attention that the criminals he and his sidekick had spent the previous night rounding up had all been released from prison, in addition to the gang from the drug bust the month before. Apparently, all the deviants had been bailed by an anonymous source. Anonymous since the records of who bailed them had gone missing. Or perhaps never been filled out properly in the first place.

Had Kuno possessed a contact within the police department, he might have been able to review the security footage for a clue as to the identity of the mysterious bailer. Unfortunately, being a vigilante rumored to be a complete psychopath had its downsides, one being that the police tended to try to arrest him whenever he tried to talk to them while in costume. When they didn't just outright attack him for refusing to put down the bat. Nevertheless, Kuno refused to stoop to the level of a common crook by breaking into the police station just to check the security footage for a possible lead. That was what he had Sasuke for. Speaking of which...

“I see you have returned,” stated Kuno levelly. “Have you discovered the identity of our anonymous enemy?”

“Er, it might be a bit soon to label them as an enemy,” muttered Sasuke.

“Sasuke! This fiend has gone to great lengths to release dangerous criminals from their incarceration. What could they be but enemies of justice seeking to recover the members of their own criminal group? And enemies of justice are enemies of I, Tatewaki Kuno, defender of this fair district of Tokyo.”

“...It could just be a relative?” asked Sasuke.

“Gasp!” said Kuno (as opposed to actually gasping). “Are you saying that all of the criminal fiends that we delivered into the hands of justice last night were related to one another?”

“No,” replied Sasuke. “Although I suppose they could be. I didn't actually check that.”

“Then you most do so with utmost haste,” insisted Kuno. “After we review the footage of the fiend who released them,” he quickly added when Sasuke began to leave.

“Right,” said Sasuke.

The footage revealed something shocking: the criminals were released upon receiving a phone call. This anonymous bailor remained just that: anonymous.

“That fiend!” cried Tatewaki! “They've taken measures to conceal their identity! Now how shall we discover what schemes they seek to commit?”

“We could track down one of the criminals and find out from them,” suggested Sasuke.

“Brilliant, Sasuke! To the Beating Room!”

Sasuke suppressed a groan at the name. “Right away sir.”

When Kodachi finally began to take an interest in something outside of her personal fantasy world, Sasuke was overjoyed. He encouraged the young Kuno heiress in pursuing her newfound hobby, and quickly convinced Tatewaki to do the same. The two of them did everything in their power to make it seem as appealing as possible to Kodachi, and went to great lengths to support her, even building a large greenhouse for her personal use. After all, what harm could an interest in botany bring?

It wasn't even a year before Kodachi discovered and began experimenting with organic toxins.

Upon the roof of a warehouse, Kuno and Sasuke waited. It was the same warehouse that they'd found out about the failed drug deal from. The warehouse itself was abandoned, but a group of local toughs going by the moniker 'The Big Toes' used the building across the street as their hideout. It was where the deal had been arranged in the first place, although not where it took place, and it had been quite thoroughly bugged by Sasuke. Unfortunately, at the moment, the dynamic duo upon the warehouse rooftop seemed to be the only people anywhere near the building.

“Sasuke, when was the last time that we found this facility entirely devoid of criminal activity?”

“I don't remember that ever being the case, Master Kuno.”

“And yet the facility seems to be empty. If I did not know otherwise, I would assume it to be as abandoned as the structure upon which we currently stand.”

“It seems... strange.”

“Indeed it does, Sasuke. Indeed it does. This bears further investigation.”

Tatewaki Kuno was tired of waiting. It wasn't fair that he wasn't allowed to compete in Kendo Tournaments. He had been training for longer than several of the people that actually did compete, and he was better than most of them. He knew it. He'd seen recordings of tournaments, and he knew he could do it to, if only Sasuke would let him. He wasn't just throwing a fit.

One day he'd convince Sasuke. He knew it. And then he would win the tournament and become famous for something other than being a rich orphan. But that day was not today.

As the crime-fighting duo approached the building, they were met only with silence. None of the lights were on, and there was no sign that anyone had been in the building the past few days. Quickly, the two snuck toward the window that they had broken the lock on months before. Somehow, it had never been noticed, and it was now their most frequent entrance into the building.

As they silently opened the window, the two looked around. The room still seemed to be empty. They entered into the building.

Further examination of the rest of the building resulted in more of the same. Every room of the building was empty. However, one room smelled strongly of an unfortunately familiar odor.

“Master! That's-”

“I know!” interrupted Kuno, already pulling a cloth over his face to filter the air. “It's one of Kodachi's favorites. It seems they set a trap for us.” Pausing, Kuno took a moment to look around. “We may be in need of a new stakeout point, Sasuke. None but ourselves have approached this hideout for the past two hours, and the building looks like it's been empty for days.”

“Do you think they realized that we bugged it?” asked Sasuke through his own filtration cloth.

“That is indeed what I fear. It seems that we must once again rely on our seedy informant to obtain information on the happenings of the criminal underworld.”

“Gosunkugi isn't that seedy,” replied Sasuke.

“He has the countenance of a zombie and the social graces of a malformed rat. If he is not seedy, I do not know the meaning of the word. But for now, let us escape from this facility. But maintain caution. More traps may yet lie in wait.”

It had taken a long time, but Tatewaki Kuno had finally managed to convince Sasuke to enter him into a kendo tournament. It had required the pulling of a few strings, since Tatewaki's elementary school did not actually have a kendo team to enter into the tournament, but Sasuke managed to convince another school's team to accept Tatewaki as a replacement for a member that had come down with a sudden case of severe diarrhea. It had been either that, or to drop out of the tournament. It helped that Sasuke paid them off. And had been the one to slip the sick member the laxatives to begin with.

Every other person in the tournament was from high school. At ten years old, Tatewaki was the youngest person in the tournament by several years. It didn't matter. With his help, Tatewaki's team placed second in the tournament. It was Japan's first glimpse of Tatewaki Kuno, rising star of the Kendo World.

Hikaru Gosunkugi was not a particularly notable person. Which was odd, considering just how sickly he appeared. His skin was a pale gray, and his eyes were constantly surrounded by dark circles. On top of that, he was disturbingly scrawny. Yet somehow, he was able to go about almost completely unnoticed. It was a skill he used to great advantage.

Because he was almost never noticed, he was able to investigate even the most unsavory of locations without attracting attention to himself. This, in conjunction with his skill at hiding and his experience with a camera meant that he could find out pretty much anything that was going on within the district without placing himself in any real danger. Consequently, he made a great informant if you could convince him to tell you what he knew. Unfortunately, he usually didn't feel like sharing without some persuasion.

“Hikaru Gosunkugi!” announced Tatewaki Kuno as he crashed through a window, scaring the hell out of the aforementioned small, scrawny high schooler. “The Big Toes aren't at their hideout! What do you know?!”

“DON'T KILL ME!” cried the boy, bolting for the door, only to slide to a stop as Kuno cut him off.

“Talk!” said Kuno, raising his bat toward the seedy zombie lookalike in a threatening manner. “Before I lose my patience!”

“The Big Toes aren't around anymore,” he yelped, raising his hands in a defensive gesture. “They've been disappearing for the streets for a while now. First you put that lot in the hospital three months ago. Then there was that other group from last month. But that's not the end of it. Lots of them turned up in the hospital a few days ago. They'd been poisoned with some sort of paralyzing agent that left them bedridden. The rest of them were caught in the bust last night.”

“Lies!” yelled Kuno, jabbing Gosunkugi in the stomach with his bat. “The ones that were incarcerated last night were released earlier today! What really happened?”

“I'm not lying, I swear!” cried Gosunkugi. Kuno pulled the bat back in preparation to swing it, at which point Gosunkugi threw himself onto the ground in the fetal position with his hands over his head. “They disappeared right after they were released. So did the ones in the hospital! Several of them have shown up dead since then! Nobody knows what happened to the rest. That's all I know, I swear!” When no bat came slamming down into him, Gosunkugi risked looking up, only to find that he was the only person in the room. The Bat Man was gone.

Kodachi Kuno was jealous. Everybody was paying attention to her brother, just because he was good at sword fighting. They could have been paying attention to her, but they didn't. Instead, they looked at him while he beat up older kids, and they said good things about him, like “He's the best kendoist I've seen in years, and he's only eleven!” and “If he's this amazing now, think of how good he'll be after going through puberty. ...I'm talking about his kendo ability, I swear!”

It wasn't fair. She was an amazing botanist, and nobody paid attention to her for that. Just the other week, she'd bred a type of rose that produced toxic pollen that could be used as a sedative. That was way more impressive than beating someone up with a stick. But alas, it seemed that the neanderthals that most of the public consisted of cared more about sports and martial arts than they did about science. If Kodachi wanted people to look at her too, she would have to debase herself by pandering to the moronic masses. If they wanted martial arts sports, then she would give them martial arts sports!

Later that day, Kodachi asked Sasuke to enroll her in Rhythmic Gymnastics, having already picked out a place she wanted to go to. Sasuke immediately complied. Anything to distract her from her fascination with creating new and more poisonous breeds of plants to experiment with. And really, what harm could an interest in gymnastics bring?

It took nearly six months for Sasuke to realize that the place he'd enrolled Kodachi into actually taught Rhythmic Gymnastics-based martial arts. And by then she had already mastered it.

Curses, thought Tatewaki Kuno, rising star of the Kendo world and secretly the vigilante that had been dubbed “The Bat Man” by the citizens of Nerima (much to his dismay). It seems that somebody is collecting members of the local gangs, likely for some insidious ploy. It was true. After he'd found out about the disappearance of almost the entirety of the gang known as 'The Big Toes', Kuno had investigated the happenings of several other local gangs. And just like The Big Toes, they had been suffering from sudden disappearances of large numbers of their members. Especially frustrating was the realization that this was probably what had actually been behind the drop in crime rates. But who could be behind this? And to what nefarious end? Unfortunately, he had no idea. Information gathering was not Kuno's forte, and his sister had been keeping Sasuke too busy to help out in the investigation since they returned the night before. Speaking of which...

“Oh, brother dear,” drawled Kodachi, interrupting his thoughts. “I'm afraid that I shall be engaged in gymnastics-related activities this evening, and late into the night. As such, you shall have to feed Midorigame this evening. Furthermore, I may not be present when you return from... whatever it is that you have been doing late at night these past few months.”

“Very well,” replied Kuno, flatly. “I shall see to it personally that Sasuke takes care of it.”

“See that you do,” replied Kodachi. “My darling just can't go without his regular meals. And you know how he gets when he isn't fed properly.”

Kuno shivered. He did indeed know how Kodachi's pet crocodile, Midorigame, was when not properly fed. He would have to take care to remember this time.

As Kodachi left the room, Kuno attempted to pick up his thoughts, but quickly decided that wondering over what was going on was pointless. He just didn't have enough information. And since it seemed that Kodachi had finished with Sasuke, it was time to find his servant. He had an investigation to request of him.

It didn't take Kuno long to find Sasuke. Unfortunately, he was sleeping underneath the house. The Kuno family's personal ninja seemed utterly exhausted. Between staying up late on a stakeout with Kuno the night before and attending to Kodachi all morning, he was in no shape to be out investigating anything. As such, it was with much frustration that Kuno left him to sleep it off. He would have to turn to other sources. And, at the moment, there was only one source he could think of left. Nabiki.

Tatewaki Kuno dropped the phone in shock. Fortunately, Sasuke managed to catch it before it hit the floor. “Master?” the ninja asked. “Are you alright?”

“No, Sasuke, I do not believe that I am,” replied the stunned Kendoist. Sasuke waited for him to continue, but he didn't. Instead, he continued staring blankly ahead. His curiousity getting the better of him, Sasuke raised the phone to his ear. “Hello? This is the kuno family servant Sasuke Sarugakure speaking.”

“Finally! God damn! The fuck is wrong with you people?! Who the fuck gives the phone to someone else unannounced during a ransom demand?!”

“WHAT!?” yelped Sasuke.

“You heard me!” replied the unnamed man on the other end of the line. “We've got Kodachi Kuno tied up down on... Well, you don't get to know unless you agree to pay us. And we are getting paid. If you don't, this little lady isn't gonna be around much longer.”

“I'm listening,” said Sasuke.

“Right. You're gonna deliver 10,000,000 yen to the park. It's gonna be in an unlabeled suitcase, and the suitcase is gonna be blue.”

Sasuke paused for a moment. “...Is the color that important?”

“DAMN RIGHT IT IS! JUST FOR THAT, THE PRICE HAS GONE UP TO 50,000!”

Sasuke decided not to comment on the price lowering. “Alright. You'll get your suitcase of money. Is there any particular time you want it delivered at?”

“What, you think I'm stupid or something? You've got two days to deliver it. If it don't show up, you don't get Kodachi back.” At that point, the ransomer hung up.

“Master! We've got to-” Sasuke started to say, but was interrupted by the phone ringing. “Hello?” he asked.

“It's me again. I forgot to say this before, but no cops! If the fuzz shows up, Kodachi gonna join her parents in the graveyard!” The ransomer hung up again.

Sasuke lowered the phone. “Master! We've got to-” Yet again, he was interrupted by the phone ringing. “Hello?”

“Me again,” replied the ransomer. “Kodachi says her parents were cremated, not buried. Well, if you don't pay up, she's gonna be cremated alive!” The ransomer hung up.

Sasuke waited a few seconds, but no phone call came. “Master, we've got to do something!”

“We will pay the ransom,” replied Kuno.

“...That does seem like the most reasonable decision in this situation. Very well. I shall prepare it immediately.”

And so, Sasuke did. He stuck to the agreement, and left the blue suitcase of 50,000 yen in the park. But a half hour later...

“THE FUCK IS THIS!?” yelled the ransomer over the phone.

“What do you mean?” asked Sasuke. Kuno had yet to move from the spot he had initially heard about the kidnapping at, yet hadn't answered the phone when it had rung. So Sasuke had. “I did everything as you asked.”

“The hell you did! I said 50,000,000 yen! This isn't even enough to pay for everyone's lunch!”

“I'm sorry, but you said 50,000 yen,” replied Sasuke, attempting to sound calm.

“FUCK THIS SHIT! YOU'VE GOT TWO HOURS TO GET ME 1,000,000,000,000,000 YEN!” The ransomer slammed the phone down.

Sasuke lowered the phone. He took a deep breath. “MASTER! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL KODACHI!” They only had two hours to deliver more money than was in the Kuno family fortune to kidnappers if they wanted Kodachi to live.

The ransomer grinned. There was the little man that served the Kuno family now. He'd seen him the first time he dropped off the suitcase. Like last time, he had a blue suitcase with him, although this one was significantly bigger than the first. It was so big, in fact, that he wasn't carrying it. He was rolling it on a set of wheels. Like before, he took it to the middle of the park, then left it.

Huh, thought the ransomer. That is a very big suitcase. Needless to say, he was not the brains of the operation. In truth, he was the fall guy. He'd been part of the group that ambushed Kodachi, he was the one who made the call, and he was the one who obtained the money. If the money wasn't delivered, he would be the one to off Kodachi. And if the cops did get involved, he was expected to take the fall for the sake of the group. If things went bad, it would be a rather raw deal for him. However, if the cops didn't get involved, he would get the second largest share of the money, and he would be promoted within his gang. And for that, he was willing to risk being the fall guy.

After waiting for the midget servant of the Kunos to leave, the man approached the suitcase. Holy crap this is heavy, he thought as he attempted to pick up the case. Quickly giving up, he began dragging the suitcase toward the base. He was tempted to open it to verify that the money was inside, but the Kuno family had been cooperative so far, and if the suitcase was as heavy as it was, it was likely that opening the suitcase would just cause the money to spill everywhere. And in the middle of a public park, that was likely to draw attention he didn't want.

Several blocks later, the man finally heaved the heavy case into the doorway of the base. “Holy crap that sucked!” he announced to the rest of the gang. “You guys won't believe how much this thing weighs!”

“Well, you asked for a trillion yen,” replied his boss over the sound of the rest of the gang congratulating him. “I can't believe that they actually paid you that.”

“Why not?” replied another member. “They paid the 50,000.”

“That was 50,000 yen,” interjected yet another. “That might seem like a decent amount to you, but it's pocket change for the Kunos. A trillion yen is practically their whole fortune.”

“Damn!” replied the man.

“Yeah. Damn. Looks like you're going to be counting for a while.”

“What!” yelped the man. “Boss, you can't let him do this! Make him count it!”

“You stole it, you count it,” replied the gang leader.

“Dammit,” grumbled the man. With a groan, he opened the stupidly huge suitcase. Amazingly, inside was not a loose pile of cash like with the previous suitcase. Instead, the bills were tightly bound together in stacks, which were in turn bound together into what appeared to be a large block of money.

One of the gang members whistled. “Fuck, man. You gonna be here all night.” This prompted another groan from the man.

Standing up, he walked over to the yen block. Picking up one of the stacks of bills, he began counting. He was roughly halfway through when the block shifted.

“Huh?” he muttered. The block shifted again. And then the money block suddenly burst open, revealing it to be a large box with stacks of yen attached to the outside of it. And out burst a man with a bandanna tied around his mouth.

“I STRIKE!” announced Tatewaki Kuno, slamming his bokken down onto the head of the confused gang member who had been counting yen. Before the conked criminal even had time to crumple to the ground, Kuno had already found his next target. Lunging forward, he landed a second blow to the side of a second gang member, launching him across the room. Spinning around, he took in the rest of the room.

Nearly two dozen other thugs had been milling around the room before Kuno's surprise attack. However, the surprise was wearing off, and several of them were going for weapons. At the far end of the room was Kodachi, who was bound to a chair with several ropes and gagged with duct tape. She was, however, conscious. “GET THE GIRL!” yelled the gang leader, prompting half a dozen of the gang members to turn toward her.

“Not so fast!” yelled Kuno. “You neanderthals have made a grave mistake in spiriting away one of the only two surviving heirs to the Kuno legacy,” he growled. “And it shan't go unpunished!” At that, Kuno threw a black rose across the room. As it landed in the center, it burst into hundreds of petals, which scattered across the room. “Taste the poison fostered by the very person you hold captive!”

The gang leader, who had been nearest to the exit, managed to slip out the back door. However, he was the only one to do so. Immediately, thugs began dropping to the ground. A few of them did manage to get their shirts over their faces in time to filter out the poisonous spores. However, it was only a few.

Kuno dashed toward the first one. And zigzagged past him. He then made a beeline toward his captive sister, his bokken raised. Tatewaki Kuno, rising star of the kendo world, was more than capable of swinging his bokken fast enough to use it as if it were an actual sword. With a swift slash, he severed the ropes keeping Kodachi bound. The few remaining

Silently, Kuno offered Kodachi a second bandanna. She waved it away. Instead, she pulled the tape that had been covering her mouth off. She then took a deep breath. “OHOHOHOHOHO!” laughed Kodachi. “It seems that you foolish apes have bitten off quite a bit more than you could chew!” Grabbing the very chair she had been tied to, the Kuno heiress lifted it above her head, then smashed it into the ground, breaking it apart. Raising two of the chair-legs, Kodachi pointed one at the gang members. “It seems you morons need to be properly educated in the consequences of attacking a Kuno. Brother dear, would you mind joining me in a demonstration.”

“Very well, Sister,” replied Kuno. Of course she would be immune to her own poisons, he thought with a grin concealed beneath the bandanna wrapped around his face. “Shall we make a game of it? The one who defeats the most foes shall be acknowledged as victor.” Turning back toward the thugs, Kuno realized that they were running.

“It seems that I win,” said Kodachi smugly.

“What?! That's preposterous!” replied Kuno. “You didn't even fight!”

“And yet it was the toxins of my roses that rendered the vast majority of these lowlifes unconscious.”

“Grr,” growled Kuno. “Very well. Let us depart. Sasuke should be outside waiting for us.”

“Very well.” said Kodachi. “Although it chagrins me that these fools shall have no proper comeuppance delivered upon them. They have done much to earn my enmity.”

Just then, the sound of police sirens cut through the air. Kodachi smiled. “Let us be off!”

Kuno stared into the night. After the kidnapper had called, Sasuke had devised the entire plan. The money box was to ensure that whoever picked up the suitcase didn't find him if he stopped to make sure there actually was money in the case. Inside the box, Kuno had waited, along with two bandannas, one of Kodachi's poisonous roses, and a tracking device that he activated just before jumping out of the box. Afterwards, Sasuke called the cops, giving them the address that the box had been taken to. And everything had worked perfectly. And for the first time in a long time, he felt truly content.

“Does something trouble you, Master Kuno?” asked Sasuke.

“No. Quite the opposite.” He paused for a moment. However, just before Sasuke could ask for clarification, he began talking again. “It was amazing, Sasuke. We saved Kodachi, defeated the kidnapper, and brought an entire gang to justice. We were heroes tonight, Sasuke.”

Sasuke hesitated, unsure of how to respond. Kuno maintained the silence. “Does this have something to do with your parents?” he guessed. Kuno stiffened.

“If only someone had been there to help,” Kuno finally replied. “Perhaps they would still be alive today.”

Sasuke shifted guiltily. That had been his job, and Kuno knew it. He wasn't sure if the jab was intentional or not.

“I want to do it again,” said Kuno.

“Pardon?” asked Sasuke.

“I wish to continue opposing crime directly,” repeated Kuno. “I cannot revive my parents, Sasuke. They are no longer here. But I can prevent the deaths of the parents of others.”

“Master, what are you talking about!?”

“Crime-fighting, Sasuke! Do you know how high the crime rates of Tokyo are? Of the Nerima district in particular? They're ludicrous, Sasuke! Ludicrous! If there weren't so many criminals, there wouldn't be so much crime!”

“Master, you can't go about murdering people! What of the Kuno family reputation!?”

“You misunderstand me, Sasuke,” replied Kuno. “I have no intention of murdering anyone. What I wish to do is defeat them and present them to the police for incarceration. I have the abilities necessary to bring these villains to justice. Is it not right for me to make use of them?”

Sasuke suppressed a groan. He could tell he wasn't going to be able to talk the Kuno heir out of this. And he just knew it wasn't going to end well.

As the duo entered the stand, they came across Ichiraku Ayame scooping a pile of what looked like ramen-filled vomit out of one of the stools. “What a waste of ramen,” commented Naruto.

“That's kind of hypocritical considering that you're the one that did that,” replied Hibiki Ryouga from next to Ichiraku Teuchi as the two of them watched Ayame clean the stool.

Negi gasped in surprise as he finally noticed Ryouga. Had he been holding anything, he would have dropped it in surprise. Fortunately, he wasn't. Instead, he was instead still being clutched beneath Naruto's arm. Ryouga! He's not an ermine! But how? Before the boy had time to contemplate further on this, his thoughts were interrupted by a surprised gasp from Naruto and the rude meeting between the floor and his face.

My wall! thought Naruto in despair as a horrified clone's memories filtered into his mind (consequently resulting in him dropping his teammate). ...Wait a second. I already knew about that. Hopefully I can get the landlord to harass the owner of the other apartment about fixing it instead of me.

“Are you okay, Negi?” asked Ryouga, as he helped the small child up from the ground.

“Ow...” moaned Negi in response. “...Yes.”

“Oops,” said Naruto, only just now realizing that he'd dropped Negi. “Sorry.”

Negi gave him a long look. “Did one of your clones just dispel?”

“Yeah,” replied Naruto. “How'd you know?”

“You dropped me,” replied Negi, rubbing his forehead in pain. “Naruto, you need to stop using so many clones.”

“WHAT?!” yelped Naruto, immediately going on the defensive. “No way! Clones are awesome!”

“They are interfering with your ability to focus on your surroundings,” said Negi.

“I've always been like that!” Naruto yelled. “It's called being stupid!”

“Not as much as you have been lately!” responded Negi with a pout, intentionally not completely denying Naruto's self-proclamation of being stupid.

“Excuse me,” interrupted Ryouga. “How does Naruto using shadow clones have anything to do with his short attention span.”

“It doesn't!” cried Naruto.

“It does!” wailed Negi.

“Shut up!” snarled Ryouga, filling the ramen stand with an oppressive atmosphere. Immediately, both of the genin under his command snapped to attention. “Now, what is it you were saying, Negi?”

“I was saying that his shadow clones disrupt his attention every time they dispel,” reported Negi. The child kept in mind that he was reporting directly to his immediate superior. Blowing a raspberry at Naruto would not be appropriate behavior for a ninja. So he would have to wait until later to do it.

“How so?” asked Ryouga. He hadn't been working with Naruto for long, but even so he could tell the boy could use a little more focus. Even if that was a little hypocritical coming from him.

“When one of Naruto's shadow clones dispel, Naruto gets the memories they acquired during their existence all at once.”

As if on cue, Naruto abruptly chimed in. “Hey! I know where Sakura is!” He paused, suddenly remembering that Negi and Ryouga had been talking. “She should be here in a bit.”

Negi pointed at him. “See! He isn't even following our conversation!”

“Uh... yes I was?” tried Naruto.

Ryouga gave him a flat look. “Naruto, repeat the gist of Negi's explanation.”

“Um... shadow clones are bad because things,” tried Naruto. At Ryouga's continued stare, he quickly added, “And, uh, those things are, um, memories! Yes! Shadow clones are bad because of their memories!”

“That sounds about right to me,” commented Ryouga. Naruto blew a raspberry at Negi. Ryouga took the time to contemplate a punishment for inappropriate behavior on duty, only to quickly remember that technically, Naruto and Negi weren't on duty at the moment. “Even if it sounds like Naruto doesn't actually understand how that makes them bad.”

“I told him what I thought earlier!” said Negi. “He already knew what I was telling you.”

“I see,” said Ryouga. “Naruto, keep your clones to a minimum outside of missions.”

“WHAT?” cried Naruto.

“You heard me. No more unnecessary clones.”

“But I've got like five hundred running around right now. You can't just ask me to get rid of all of them at a moments notice!”

“Naruto...”

“Dammit,” grumbled Naruto, as he formed the cancellation hand seal. A faint poofing noise could be heard from every direction as numerous clones throughout the village dispelled simultaneously. Outside, large gouts of smoke filled most of the public buildings throughout Konoha. The local onsen looked like it had caught fire. And inside a little ramen stand that was frequently visited by a certain orange ninja, Naruto's eyes rolled up to the back of his head, and the orange-clad genin dropped to the ground.

Ow... thought Naruto, scratching the back of his head. Looking around, he saw nothing but sewers. What happened? How'd I end up here?

You canceled a few hundred clones that had all been out for a few hours all at once, overwhelming your conscious mind with the influx of information built up during each of their brief existences combined, replied a deep, booming mind.

Looking up, Naruto took in the immense form of the nine-tailed demon fox of legend, the Kyuubi no Yoko. Hey Kyuubi. What's up?

I have just spent half of an hour repairing your brain. The same brain that you just about liquefied with all the memories you absorbed. You should be glad that you didn't completely wipe your mind with that stunt.

...What exactly happened when I dispelled the clones?

You went into convulsions on the floor while suffering a major seizure, the red-headed child began panicking, the owners of the ramen stand began panicking worse, and your jounin instructor had to carry you to the hospital. Naked.

I'm naked! thought Naruto, in as close to a yelp as is possible without actually talking in the waking world.

No, your jounin instructor is. Was.

For several seconds, Naruto was speechless. Thoughtless. ...Could you say that again?

It seems that your instructor was naked and using a henge as a clothing substitute. You managed to cause a sufficient disruption to his concentration to break the jutsu. Congratulations. Also, Haruno arrived for the meeting.

Who?

The Kyuubi abruptly broke down laughing, and continued to do so for several seconds before regaining its composure. Don't worry. She's not that important.

If you say so, thought Naruto. Is Ryouga still naked?

...No, replied the Kyuubi, unconvincingly.

...I think I'll stay unconscious for a little bit longer.

Good, replied the Kyuubi, suddenly sounding more serious. There is something that we must discuss before you awaken and screw things up even further.

Naruto recognized that tone. It was the tone the Kyuubi usually used before trying to convince him to let it out. But it hadn't tried that in quite some time. Maybe it was something legitimately important? I'm listening.

The Springfield child has noticed discrepancies in your behavior since your murder and subsequent assimilation of the body of this world's original version of yourself.

I like to think of it as 'replacement', replied Naruto awkwardly.

Think of it however you wish. It does not change the fact that the original Naruto of this world is no more. Nor does it change the fact that it was your doing that ended his existence. The Kyuubi seemed almost amused by that.

...Are you trying to congratulate me or guilt trip me?

Just like that, the biju was serious again. You fool! snarled the Kyuubi. You are vulnerable! Your present body is weak! Your abilities are no longer suited for the form you possess! And worse! You have failed to properly conceal that you have compromised the mind of a ninja in a village of ninjas! Do you know what Konoha does to mentally compromised ninjas?

...Fix them with the Yamanakas?

Naruto's response seemed to kill some of the wind in the Kyuubi's sails. ...Well, I suppose they could do that too, muttered the beast. But that's not what I was referring to. Tell me, what does Konoha do when a ninja of Konoha has their body stolen by a foreign ninja?

That's not fair! replied Naruto. I'm from Konoha!

You're not from this Konoha.

Naruto swore. The Kyuubi was right. If his origins were ever discovered, he could be in rather deep shit with the village. Especially since he hadn't actually done anything significant in support of this one.

That said, there is good news. It seems that your teammate has already found a convenient scapegoat for your odd behaviors.

The Kyuubi paused, possibly for effect. However, before he could continue, Naruto grinned. My shadow clones! He thinks it's just the backlash from my shadow clones! Woo! ...Wait. If I let him blame the clones, he's going to try to get me to stop using them. Hell, he already got Ryouga to command me to cut back on them. And if I stop using them but don't immediately revert back to the Naruto from this world, everyone's going to realize the clones aren't to blame! Also, I won't be allowed to use my shadow clones! As Naruto started to panic, the Kyuubi started laughing. Shut up! If they find out I'm not this world's Naruto, they'll kill me for infiltrating the village! And you know what that means for you.

You moron, retorted the demonic fox. There's an easy way out of this that you're missing.

Oh? And what is that, Mr. All-Knowing Belly Fox?

...You know, if it weren't for how amusing this is probably going to be for me, I would probably have decided not to tell you for that, temporary death be damned.

...Something tells me I'm not going to like your solution. The Kyuubi's grin was more than enough to confirm his suspicions, even before it responded.

It's very, very simple. Enough so that even you should be able to understand it.

Hey!

Ignoring Naruto's outburst, the Kyuubi continued. Let the Springfield child think the clones are causing your personality differences. Let him think that they're throwing off your fighting style. Let him think you're sabotaging yourself to a horrible extent with them. Let him tell your sensei when you use them. Let him tell your academy teacher Umino. Let him tell this world's Hokage, Jiraiya. Let all of them forbid you from using shadow clones.

Each statement from the Kyuubi made Naruto more and more nervous. While he hadn't had much time to think about the potential consequences of Negi thinking the clones were a problem, the Kyuubi had apparently taken the task upon itself immediately. And it seemed to be building up to something. Nervously, he swallowed. Clearly, this was going to be very, very bad for him.

And just keep using them anyway.

...Huh? thought Naruto. That... That doesn't sound too bad, actually.

Exactly! When Springfield begs you to stop, blow him off. When Haruno calls you an idiot, show her how right she is!

Who?

Not important, replied the Kyuubi. Now where was I? The biju paused for a moment to scratch the back of its ear with a hind leg. Oh, right. When Hibiki forbids you from using your shadow clones under threat of punishment, tell him to bring on the pain! When Umino tries to talk you out of using them, show him how much of a stubborn ass you can be! And when Jiraiya tells you to cut the crap if you ever want to be promoted to chunin, tell him you're gonna be a genin for life! But whatever you do, DON'T STOP USING THE CLONES!

...When you put it that way, it sounds really, really bad.

Thank you, said the Kyuubi, seeming genuinely pleased. But remember, keep using the clones. As long as the ninjas of Konoha think they've found the cause of your strange behavior, they won't see any reason to dig deeper. Ninjas always spout that 'look underneath the underneath' crap, but they rarely actually put it into practice without a reason. And you need to do everything in your power to avoid giving them a reason to look. Remember, if they dig deep enough, it could very well become your grave.

Naruto swore. He needed some time alone to think about this before he was ready to face everyone again. Turning, he began walking deeper into the sewer system that was his subconscious mind.

Remember, cried the Kyuubi from behind him, sell the clones thing! Sell it with everything you're worth!

He tightened his fists, gloved in stark white. "Ghosts are a cowardly and superstitious lot. That's why they only venture out in the darkness of the night, and only through narrow labyrinthic corridors. They fear the sun, so I'll become what they fear the most, a bright yellow circle. Yes, father. Yes, mother. I'll become... a Pac-Man!"

Then he swallowed another pill for good measure. If drugs had done it for Captain America and Dr. Midnight, they'd also do it for him, damn it!