Parenting

One example I can think of is how parents sometimes chide their kids for doing the thing that they used to do as children.

It depends on if they think it was a good idea for them to do it. It's entirely possible to do something stupid, realise it was stupid and then later try and stop people from making the same mistakes you did, that's not hypocrisy.

Sheesh, I do that all the time.

Children do not realize that what they are doing is wrong or dangerous or in some other way, "bad". It is only as an adult that they realize "oh. That thing i used to do is bad."

Then they tell their own children "Hey. Do not do that. It is bad" because these parents learned from this

That is a pretty awful example of "Parental hypocrisy" and more an example of "Human beings learning from their mistakes is a thing"

I guess you are . I sure had researched some more examples.

edited 12th Nov '15 5:33:27 AM by GAP

Cracked tackles parenting again

This here is about 6 common sense parental techniques and how they damage your kid.

So, does anyone have any anecdotes or stories on how you were taught to treat strangers? As in, "be polite" or "avoid at all costs" or perhaps other ways?

"Beware" was what I received. Especially of the folks trying to pick you up.

I grew up in a very rural neighborhood; one neighbor was a violent drunk and another took pleasure in sending his pack of dogs after anyone who walked by his property, so the whole "avoid at all costs" sort of idea was instilled at an early age

My school was big on Stranger Danger. Although I lived on quite a rough estate, so that was probably a good idea.

No, but I did feel that I had to correct what my daughter was being taught: "If someone you dont know speaks to you, run away and yell as loud as you can."

Be polite. Be efficient. And have a plan to kill them.

It's good to interact with people and get to know new people, though obviously you shouldn't just wonder off with people. My mum deliberately make sure I spoke to at least one stranger each time we went to the supermarket, I had to ask my a gingerbread man at the bakery counter myself, so that I actually spoke to someone.

I have a few questions:

1. How do you deal with the so called problem child? How do you deal with children who just seem to get themselves into trouble without meaning to?

2. Is the whole guilt-by-association thing a good tactic to teach children anything?

3. Lastly, how do you properly discipline children without making them hate you for it? There was a video I saw once of guy ordering his kid to destroy an Xbox 360 because he didn't get his grades within the two week time limit he set out and he posted it on Youtube. I know what that guy is doing but the way he did it was...not the a good way to go about it. I am not a parent myself but how do you discipline your kids without tearing them apart?

You deal with a problem child by identifying their problems, if all you can say is that they're a problem child then you're doing it wrong. There's reason, context and cause & effect for everything, find and solve the issues that are causing the kid to act in a bad way.

Beyond the world being unfair, there being no reason to follow the rules because you'll be punished anyway and that it's okay to blame people for stuff they had nothing to do with? No, it's not good for anything beyond that.

Make sure they don't think you hate them, generally kids want to love their parents, but they can easily confuse a parenting hating the stupid thing they did with the parent hating them. Don't make it about hurting them, make it about teaching them. Oh and public humiliation is never a good idea for any kind of discipline, especially with kids, that's just a good way to breed anger and resentment.

Public humiliation and "beatings will continue until moral improves" are two common pitfalls, that and blatant hypocrisy.

Public humiliation has, in many cases, led to the child committing suicide. Especially when it's done via youtube/facebook/other social media.

The best way to discipline young children (and probably older children, but I haven't gotten there yet) is to set clear limits on behavior ahead of time, and also clear consequences regarding what will happen if they transgress the limits. The consequences have to be appropriate while also intense enough to properly motivate the child. There is a progression- first is the loss of some desirable privileges ("you cannot go outside and play until your room is clean"), then more restrictive sanctions ("Sit in the time-out chair for 5 minutes") and then more restrictive ("Stay in your room for one hour", confiscating a favorite toy for one week, etc).

Parents should try never to do anything out of anger (I know that's actually impossible, but you're obligated to try). The rules and the consequences were all explained ahead of time, so when mis-behavior occurs, it's simply a matter of imposing the consequences.

I personally never used physical punishment for any reason except curbing violence by the child, and that only after repeat offenses.

Also, it's helpful to give the child a short opportunity to correct their behavior before the punishment occurs. This is why you often hear parents counting at their kids ("I told you to come here!... 1... 2... ").

Of course, some children have cognitive or emotional difficulties that prevent them from adhering to a program like this. If their difficulty is severe enough, it may require an intervention by someone trained in family social work.

Googling "Positive Parenting" will provide you with a lot of helpful links.

edited 29th Jan '16 9:28:53 AM by DeMarquis

That is surprisingly true and yet so cynical.

"Kids will kill the relationship that produced them."

Obviously not true, or no one could ever have a second child.

A mild pet peeve of mine is when people declare that marriage/children are the worst things EVER. Though, as someone with very little interest in having children, that's probably hypocritical of me to say.

It' not the worst thing ever, it's just very very hard. And also very rewarding.

People say marriage is the worst thing ever because they're being constantly fed unsubstatianted negative stereotypes about marriage. Brainless husband + shrewish wife, total loss of any joy in your life whatsoever, nothing but petty arguments any reasonable adults would have negotiated over a nanosecond, and even though the partners are literally living together - no sex somehow.

Deciphering whether or not a person has legitimate gripes against marriage or they're actually stereotypical is easy - ask them what they think about them living together with their partner(or partners... I'm open-minded) without a marriage. If they react positively - their idea of marriage is rooted in false stereotypes, because marriage is living together. That's what it fucking is.

Now onto actual parenting. Cracked columnist Kristi Harrison published this in defense of homeschooling.

@De Marquis: specificlly, kids transform the relationship, killing the "romance" part and opening up a new "team spirit" part.

If by "Romance" you mean "impulsive infatuation", then yes. But any sufficiently challenging new responsibility will do that, not just child-rearing.

@luminosity: "Because even back in 2004, kindergarten was really first grade, complete with multiple standardized tests, full days, no naps, and parents who expected their kids to come home with homework."

Sounds to me like the real problem was the school. "Early homework" has been pretty much refuted by the research.

edited 10th Apr '16 5:09:56 PM by DeMarquis