Coming Out of the Closet

That's certainly why I came out to my sister. And she was so damn happy to find out that her little brother likes dudes.

I think I'm going to talk to my mother about my gender issues as soon as I can.

Here's the thing, though: I don't actually want to use the word "bigender". My mother is one of many people who, unfortunately, still equate gender and sex, so she would instantly dismiss that concept on the grounds that "you are either one or you are the other."

Granted, I would like to educate her some more on that, but first I want to establish the whole "sometimes I feel I should be a girl" so I can feel free to discuss it openly.

...Good idea? Bad idea? Comments? Complaints?

Starting slowly is a good plan, if you ask me.

I thought so too.

She's not hateful, but I don't think she understands gender and transgenderism at all.

My mom seems to view gays, lesbians and other people that aren't straight as strange or something. I asked her that if I was a lesbian, how would she feel about it? And she said don't be like them because they're messed up. I lied to her that I said wasn't a lesbian and asked how she would feel if I was.

Yeah....I don't think I'll ever come out to my parents..

edited 23rd Aug '11 8:05:04 PM by dracosketch

If that was exactly what she said, notice that she never actually voiced an opinion about you specifically. I wouldn't write out coming out completely. It might be rocky at first, but you never know...I mean, as long as they don't outright despise homosexuals. They are your parent's, after all. If anyone can learn to accept it, it's them.

My mother also regards gay people as weird. When I tried to admit that I was bi, at first she didn't believe me, then she thought that I "admired" men. Our relationship hasn't actually worsened—I've just given up on trying to drag her into the modern age.

edited 24th Aug '11 12:40:01 AM by feotakahari

I never really so much came out as snuck out of whatever closet I was in. Or, rather, I continue to do so, as I am unsure whether or not several of my friends are even aware that I have experienced sexual attraction to another person at all, let alone to other guys. Unless, of course, one of my other friends told them; it's hard to say, really...

My mom knows I'm bisexual, though I don't think she cares as long as I find some means of producing offspring as necessary.

I finally told my mother I want to be a girl.

She seemed surprisingly unfazed by it.

I'm heterosexual, but my best friend in Real Life came out of the closet to me a while back. I was completely fine with it.

Not to be offensive, but why is there such a stimga against LGBT? I don't think there should be at least.

>shot<

>ahem<

Anyway, A:Good for you, CA! B:I'm not sure either, Darky.

@Claws: My God. So much do I wish that the people at my school were more like you, just so I wouldn't be scared to come out.

edited 25th Aug '11 1:45:20 PM by FuschlatzOReilly

@ Fuschlatz O Reilly

If you don't mind me asking, why are you scared to come out? I haven't really been discriminated against due to my sexuality, so I can't give much advice but hopefully I can help a bit.

I mean, I know when it comes to me and sexuality, I haven't been discriminated against too badly. The closest thing to "discrimination" I've been through is some people making fun of me when they discovered my kinks, and spreading it like rumors amongst some social circles. I then realized three things: One, never leave your laptop open with a "friend" while you go to the bathroom. Two, in a way it was a good thing that it got out, because that way instead of hiding it so much, I knew others knew and I didn't have to feel bad about the insane lengths I went to hiding my kinks. Three, I realized that I gave others way too much importance. I shouldn't have to worry about what others think so much...I should just be me and if they don't like me, screw them.

I know, that obviously coming out about which gender or genders you're attracted to is a LOT more different than saying, "Oh, I have -insert fetishes here-" but there was a reason I brought up that story. If you hide something important about yourself, such as aspects of your sexuality, it will hurt you in the long run IMO.

If no one knows what you're attracted to because you hide it; then a) people will try to find out your secrets , b) you'll drive yourself nuts lying to others about it and only being able to share the truth with yourself and c) it will really make it hard for you to be in a relationship with whoever you're attracted to, because you won't be able to tell them you're attracted to them.

Also, if you're worried about how others will treat you...your real friends will accept you for who you are. Screw everyone else, because honestly, trying to be like what everyone thinks is "normal" is pointless for two reasons: One, it will only annoy you for conforming to others and Two, there is no such thing as "normal", only what each individual separately percieves as "normal".

Hope that helped :)

I'm scared to reveal my bisexuality because I'm pretty sure that at least a quarter of the student body at the all-boys high school I go to are extreme homophobes who would try to make someone's life absolute hell if that someone was openly not straight. A lot of them have somewhat respectable religious bases (there is a large number of Muslims at my school — this is Sydney, after all), but a lot of them don't. Either way, I don't want to spend my last few months of high school as a nervous wreck or possibly even a corpse just because a chunk of the student majority hates me for my lifechoices...

Long story short, if I ever do come out, it definitely won't be until after I finish high school.

I figure if I come out, I'm gonna have to deal with a LOT of explaining. Most of my friends are girls, but I always seem to make at least FAIRLY attractive guy friends. Even if I don't FIND them attractive(if that makes any sense), so that'll be awkward.

@ O'Reilly

Don't take this the wrong way but...your school is ALL guys and there is homophobia there? I would think some guys would experiment and would probably be more accepting due to that. But I respect your decision and it does have sound logic. College and/or Uni is usually more accepting, if that's any consolance.

@ Poisonarrow

I wish I could help, but I personally don't have experience coming out since I'm heterosexual. But, if I think of anything to help, I shall let you know. And if there is any way I can help, let me know.

edited 25th Aug '11 7:59:20 PM by darkclaw

Australia officially recognises the rights of gay people as equal to everybody else's rights, right? (That's a lot of "right"s for one sentence...)

Well, then you shouldn't have to be afraid. Yeah, yeah, I know that this isn't an ideal universe where everything is always as it should be, but still.

How can someone's views be "respectable" - even "somewhat" so - if, in the end, they're exactly the same views of which mankind has been trying to rid itself throughout the entire process that we call "progress". That's a large part of what democracy and education are about. So what if you derive your rules from an old book or a superstition. That doesn't make them any more respectable than those of someone who derives theirs from deliberate misinterpretation of social or scientific concepts and their own ignorance. (Meaning: Nazis.)

The British writer and journalist Johann Hari says: "I respect you as a person too much to respect your ridiculous beliefs." You don't need to respect someone's beliefs because they're religious; but you can respect them if they have a strong factual or logical basis, or if they're especially valuable or insightful.

I don't want to go on a religious derail; I'm genuinely trying to encourage Füschlatz O'Reilly here by pointing out that it's possible to defend themself without stepping on other people's "rights" for their "respectable" views. They've no right to infringe on your rights just because their own views aren't the same as those of Western democracy or most of the society in which they live.

Come out of the closet and make a stand. It really does mean something, and it really does accomplish something, even if you end up suffering, though obviously I hope it won't come to that.

The reason that lower-class people or sexual minorities or in fact sexual majorities or other minorities and majorities have any rights is because they stood up and made their cause heard. For every civil rights leader, there were thousands or millions of people who did their little part of simply making themselves heard, or simply not bending over backwards to accommodate the narrow-minded, obsolete views of conservatives.

If you don't want to participate in activism, at least don't hide, and don't pretend. Be who you are and expose the other side to the facts of society and biology; namely, that there are homosexual people and other sexual minorities around, and they're not hurting anybody, and they've a right to be themselves without having to hide.

To stick to the stereotypes we're trying to tear down, being open and making your case or at least not hiding is what a "man" would do. Coming out is the "manly" thing to do.

("Man" in quotation marks to point out that it is indeed a stereotype, and to get rid of the "manly" stereotype, someone's gonna have to stand up and be a "man" about it until the stereotype is replaced with "brave" or some other gender-neutral word, thus removing pressure from men and making bravery a genderless quality in society and language, as it is so in humanity.)

Disclaimer: let's not turn this into a semantics debate or one about the nature of society and/or language etc. If you get what I meant, this post did its job and there's no need to go on a tangent.

edited 25th Aug '11 8:02:02 PM by BestOf

This. Post. Is. Awesome.

Not sure if this is directly relevant to the topic, but anyway

fairly recently, a lesbian friend of mine was forced out of the closet, that is to say, one of the handful of people she told (about six, I think, including myself) blabbed to someone who decided that publicly outing her would be "fun".

Anyway, her parents found out and they're kicking her out. She's being given a month to find a place to live. I can't take her in, but I'd like to do something to help. Suggestions?

edit: And I walked into the middle of something, fuck.

edited 25th Aug '11 8:04:13 PM by SpainSun

@ Spain Sun

Tell the police and make sure those parents get in trouble for discriminating by sexuality against their own daughter. And be there for your friend if she needs to talk.

edited 25th Aug '11 8:04:41 PM by darkclaw

What can the police do?

I should clarify, the girl in question is eighteen, so I'm pretty sure they're allowed to kick her out. It's a total dick move, but I think they "can" legally.

@Claws: Well, there's an all-girls school right next door, so...

@Best: (reads) ...eh. Still gonna leave it until next year, I think.

@Spainey: Try to get the police on those parents' asses anyway. If it works, it works; if it doesn't, it doesn't.

edited 25th Aug '11 8:07:15 PM by FuschlatzOReilly

@ Spainey ...I'm not sure, but I know that is grounds for discrimination. I would call the police (not an emergency number, but their local offices) and ask how to proceed. See if you can file charges or anything.

@ O'Reilly

Hmm, I see your point. Though I don't believe in segregating schools, but that's a totally different topic.

edited 25th Aug '11 8:09:29 PM by darkclaw

@Spain ... I hope whatever sorry specimen decided to tell people gets a thorough talking to from somebody.

@Poison I know your pain. It seems all of my meatspace friends just so happen to be cute girls...

Anyway. Any advice on coming out to friends? Like, maybe a group of friends?