Should people meet halfway in social interactions?

More or less, yes. This is why I think that you're slightly extroverted. From what you've said, the deciding factor on whether or not you decide to socialize depends on other commitments and suchlike, not whether or not you enjoy or feel comfortable with generalized socialization. Introverts are the opposite and decide whether or not to go out based off of how much they like or dislike socialization.

Also, do keep in mind that this is a psychological theory that was proposed by Carl Jung, so it's pretty old and has changed a bit over time.

@Jeysie: I think that this is the point where it gets more complicated than my experience in the field of psychology allows. At the very least, in order to determine more, I'd have to ask lots of questions, some of which are very uncomfortable. It's pretty safe to say that you're introverted, but the extent of it is still slightly dubious.

edited 25th Apr '11 11:14:11 PM by DrunkGirlfriend

"Um. Except that it has nothing to do with hang-ups or self-image issues. Even if I'm around someone I feel totally at ease with where I know what to say, I know they like me, etc. it still takes mental effort. It's just the way I am."

Not to refute what you're saying, but in my own experience, the "mental effort" comes into play when I'm in a shitty mood or when I have to deal with specific people. Because, to me, it's not a given of social interactions, but rather something that comes up in certain types of circumstances, I don't associate it with one's intrinsic qualities.

Out of curiosity, do you feel this mental effort while talking to others online?

"This is why I think that you're slightly extroverted. From what you've said, the deciding factor on whether or not you decide to socialize depends on other commitments and suchlike, not whether or not you enjoy or feel comfortable with generalized socialization."

No, my enjoyment is a huge part of it. I'm not uncomfortable, per se, with any particular type of interaction other than being accosted by drunken men who don't know when to fuck off, but I tend to choose solitude over most gatherings because I don't find them interesting enough. Of course, you could argue that this is a reflection of the events I'm invited to and the commute I'd need to undertake more than anything else - and I'd buy it. On the whole, I maintain I'm pretty much in between.

If you must put a label on it, I'd say "requires constant mental and emotional stimulation or else ragequits" should about cover it.

edited 25th Apr '11 11:57:57 PM by kashchei

That's why I'm saying slightly extroverted. If you were introverted, said interactions would be uncomfortable in some way, and would be accompanied by a dislike of social interaction (on a whole) at a basic level. Since you neither inherently dislike social interaction or feel uncomfortable (again, on a whole) during or after spending time with other people, you're not introverted.

Jeysie is introverted, and says that social interaction leaves him/her feeling tired or "drained", and has a bit more of an apathetic outlook on the whole thing.

I'm severely introverted with a hefty dose of shyness, which means that if I'm in a crowd (even of people I know) I tend to have panic attacks.

edited 25th Apr '11 11:46:25 PM by DrunkGirlfriend

I think you're conflating introverted with shy and/or awkward. To me, at least, it's about preference rather than comfort. Hypothetically, if one had no problem socializing but preferred solitude, would you think him extroverted?

edited 25th Apr '11 11:50:20 PM by kashchei

That would depend entirely on why he preferred solitude. If it was because he was shy, then yes, he'd be extroverted. If he simply had no interest in it or disliked being around other people, then he'd still be introverted.

Right. Sometimes I find myself in the second bracket. And other times I prefer company over solitude. Square one?

And, mind you, I also need to recharge after spending prolonged time (sometimes hours, sometimes days, sometimes weeks) with others, much like I crave other people after being alone for too long.

Anyway, I bid you good night. I've usurped the thread for too long, anyhow.

edited 25th Apr '11 11:56:47 PM by kashchei

I think everyone might've missed the part where kashchei said "Not that I treat the Myers-Briggs test as any sort of gospel, but I've taken the test several times, around four or five, and I clock in at 51% routinely, either E or I."

I'm absolutely sure this is Typical Mind Fallacy now: a bunch of strong introverts trying to tell someone who this whole paradigm isn't useful for she must really be one thing or another; and she in response believing the entire system doesn't make sense because it doesn't for her.

It's like a bunch of gay guys arguing with a bisexual over whether sexuality is a choice.

Wait, how did a thread about building bridges between extroverts and introverts derail into discussing the definitions of the terms for almost four frakking pages?

I actually haven't told kashchei a single thing about what she is or isn't, since she hasn't given me anything to work with that relates to regards my definition thereof. (I did initially think she was an introvert, but backed off when she said I took the only seemingly-useful statement the wrong way.)

It's not gay guys arguing over whether bisexuality is a choice, it's like trying to figure out what someone's sexuality is when all they've told you is that they like hanging out with both sexes as friends on different occasions but absolutely nothing about which sex(es) they're attracted to beyond just hanging out.

...and then they tell you that they don't see why who they're attracted to matters, when to them it's only important who they like as friends.

Anyhoo.

I made a simple attempt to point out I thought someone was misunderstanding what other people were actually talking about, and got a reaction I completely wasn't expecting, essentially.

Yeah. If you want to get stuff done, it kinda helps to try to agree what stuff it is you are trying to get done

(Seriously, unless you have agreed on the definitions of key terms, you can't even have a discussion, only a misunderstanding.)

I personally think DG's definition is workable, even though Dorothy Rowe's definition is something I find much more precise and helpful for actually relating to others. Did I just do that damning with faint praise thing? Unintentional — I really do think it's workable.

Well, I would certainly be willing to agree with what's in the quotes DG made, but I'm kind of iffy on the "rephrase" part of the post.

(Well, unless it's emphasized they're tendencies, not absolutes or even really guidelines.)

Although, to be perfectly honest (and probably annoying), I don't really see the OP's post as necessarily a tug between introverts and extroverts anyway, but as a tug between "people who are comfortable with/knowledgeable about social interaction" and "people who aren't".

edited 26th Apr '11 5:47:49 AM by Jeysie

"she in response believing the entire system doesn't make sense because it doesn't for her."

I'm not saying the system isn't useful because it does not work for me personally, but that the individual criteria which we associate with either introversion or extroversion can be found across the board. To oversimplify it, it's like having two categories, one comprising red, white, and blue, the other consisting of brown, yellow, and green, and telling someone who is red, white, yellow, and green that they must fit within either the former or the latter. If such is the case, I'm asking what the purpose of these categories is. Maybe I'm wrong to dismiss the framework altogether, but so long as it does not make any real attempt to understand and improve social behavior, then what's the point of it?

"It's not gay guys arguing over whether bisexuality is a choice, it's like trying to figure out what someone's sexuality is when all they've told you is that they like hanging out with both sexes as friends on different occasions but absolutely nothing about which sex(es) they're attracted to beyond just hanging out."

I still don't understand why you'd be trying to "figure out" something you've been told to take at face value. I'm not a fucking lab rat. If you're interested in me personally, do me the courtesy of not assuming that how I define myself is inaccurate.

@kaschei: All definitions of introversion/extroversion (and admittedly there are many) use exactly one trait and no more.

For the most common one, if you use up mental energy to socialize, you're an introvert, and if you use up mental energy thinking, you're an extrovert.

For other ones it's other things, but you can't mix and match them.

"All definitions of introversion/extroversion (and admittedly there are many) use exactly one trait and no more"

Citation needed?

Wow, this thread has been incredibly frustrating to read. I'm gonna side with Jeysie here, not that it really matters.

Here are a bunch of definitions for introvert.

Notice that all the (non-trivial) psychological definitions use exactly one trait.

I find that they're terms that are defined by their opposites. Define one, and you can define the other by taking the initial definition you've worked out, and seek its opposite. Very much like dark/light, good/evil, up/down, etc. Of course, this isn't the catch all, and everyone might come to different conclusions over specific definitions, but that's all that I see everyone arguing about: specifics. Since we're speaking in (mostly) generalizations, specifics shouldn't matter, so long as the general or overall idea is understood by those involved by the discussion, which seems to be the case here as well.

I actually find it pretty interesting that defining these seems to only serve how to judge and treat others in a way that we think is most comfortable for them. So what's the relevance in attempting to pin down the reasons why someone may be introverted/extroverted if they make, as clear as they possibly can, which way on the scale they slide?

Primarily, not exclusively, and thoughts and feelings are not one trait.

Multiple things.

Shaped Like Itself.

Unless what you're saying is that the one trait is the focus inward - which we can agree on - I still don't see how these definitions don't allow for multiple criteria within them.

edited 26th Apr '11 3:37:33 PM by kashchei

The second one you're talking the verb, not the noun, and the third is what I meant to exclude when I said non-trivial.

But the focus inward is what I meant as the one trait for these definitions.

Can't we all agree to disagree?

Wait a minute, I'm an extrovert? When did this happen? Why wasn't I informed?

Welcome to the club, Turk. We provide counseling on learning how to deal with this new found label.

But...I go out of my way to avoid people. I haven't made a friend that hasn't been a friend of a friend since ninth grade. People scare me.

Yeah. They scare me too. I still leech off their energy though. I live off people and need people to energize myself. NEED. EVEN THOUGH THEY SCARE ME.

Hence the counseling. We'll have you up on stage dancing like a drunk to amuse people in no time, dear.

...

o___o

...yay?