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CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#76: Apr 6th 2011 at 8:13:58 PM

Because they're only notes for a scene, not the actual scene. Written in a sort of weird style- look, here's one:

She lays gasping on the ground/

Life's red essence trickling from her wounded heart/

Her eyes dart round as she searches for her inspiration/

By her side, her desire kneels/

One last gesture, loving, tender/

"I cannot save you, little one..."/

"This wound is beyond my ken..."/

She smiles peacefully, face so white, so pure/

"That is fine... I can rest, at last."/

Gentle fingers stroke her face/

"I will stay with you, little one."/

"... I am glad."/

Fragile silence, a golden peace that is not broken as her beloved prince stays by her side during her final moments/

"Do you see them? The inspirations?"/

Looking around, he sees naught but the empty skies and uncaring plains/

"Yes, my love. They are darling, are they not?"/

A peaceful smile winds 'cross her face/

"I am glad..."/

And as her prince strokes her cheek/

Her chest stills, her soul expelled through her final breath/

Leaving the desolate plains still but for her prince/

As his shoulders shake/

While tears run down his face/

Turning the sandy earth to mud beneath him/

He gathers her body in his arms/

And lifts her like she was a child again, seeking the arms of her prince at fear of the crashing thunder/

He staggers off, her body held limply 'gainst him/

Tears soon run dry/

Because he knows/

She is resting in peace/

At last/

See the problem with writing it up here? >_>

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
Leradny Since: Jan, 2001
#77: Apr 6th 2011 at 8:16:48 PM

Two of these slashes are used for single linebreaks, not these slashes /.

Also I don't see anything wrong with posting it here.

edited 6th Apr '11 8:18:18 PM by Leradny

CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#78: Apr 6th 2011 at 8:18:17 PM

The slashes are used to indicate a pause in the voice of a speaker. Like a comma, but also used to indicate a new line.

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
CrystalGlacia from at least we're not detroit Since: May, 2009
#79: Apr 6th 2011 at 8:18:19 PM

Wow, your notes look... poetic.

"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
Leradny Since: Jan, 2001
#80: Apr 6th 2011 at 8:19:07 PM

Oh, okay. Do your notes always look and/or sound like poems?

CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#81: Apr 6th 2011 at 8:34:53 PM

Yes- I find they're easier to write that way.

Eh, may as well then, I guess. Look forward to more stupid stuff in future.

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
EldritchBlueRose The Puzzler from A Really Red Room Since: Apr, 2010
The Puzzler
#82: Apr 6th 2011 at 8:41:48 PM

@ Crystal Glacia: Hmm... that's bizarre. I might have to read it.

@ QQQQQ: It is meant to be a different mythos than the character threads. As far how the characters get to the setting I do have a plan as to how to get that done, but I'm not going to tell you yet. Oh and yes there will be an actual story behind everything going on, not aimless chatter.

Well the only concrete moral dilemma is near the end, which of course being near the end it is spoilers. The plot is being planned, yes, based off of what I'm anticipating are the likeliest choices you guys would make to various events. Of course I'm going to have to adapt my plan to what you guys do, because I can't expect things to go exactly as planned. cool

Many things need to be ironed out, though.

  • Doors
  • How to make my villains challenging without making them invincible
  • And many other things my sleepy brain cannot think up of yet.

Maybe I should post a video with me talking about it? ?_?

edited 6th Apr '11 8:43:01 PM by EldritchBlueRose

Has ADD, plays World of Tanks, thinks up crazy ideas like children making spaceships for Hitler. Occasionally writes them down.
QQQQQ from Canada Since: Jul, 2011
#83: Apr 6th 2011 at 9:01:18 PM

Maybe I should post a video with me talking about it? ?_?

=3 Sure! (And to admit something, for the character threads I'd had a hand in, I was hoping.. I was hoping to keep leading everyone else through my imagination, keep building up the layers and layers of plot and whammo. And hope it comes to one explosive ending, like in Crysis 2 and Bioshock 2. The real difficulty I found was finding the direction to go, as I never had anything planned out.)

Nowadays, with this current, "go-easy casual" lull I find in the recent Character threads, I think pulling off something like the Character Nightclub would seem difficult. Unless I can get everyone's absolute involvement, and cooperation — I don't mean "let's go vote for next plot twist in OOC." Do it ad hoc in your writing, and let everyone go with the flow. Drop the abundant OOC chatter, drop all the rules and the restrictions holding everyone back — get everyone to pull on the plot threads, and ramp the intensity and stakes up. Something towards Terminator 2 level.

Do you remember the last time you were so caught up with a game? A movie? Forget that you're sitting there on your seat? I remember Ocarina Of Time so much, it is like you're beside Link and the twisty, puzzling dungeons.. the boss battles just sink into your head — like a vivid dream? That is a feeling I want others to feel in these threads.

edited 6th Apr '11 9:26:24 PM by QQQQQ

CrystalGlacia from at least we're not detroit Since: May, 2009
#84: Apr 6th 2011 at 9:28:38 PM

You know, QQQQQ, about those threads. Someone even mentioned the possibility of adding a works page for them. What do you think? I was more wondering what media index it would fall under (now I know; Web Original).

Castle seems to have a chaotic feel to it, with lots happening in up to four different locations. In what is my setting, effectively making it feel RP-like.

I dunno if that's good or bad.

edited 6th Apr '11 9:29:26 PM by CrystalGlacia

"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
QQQQQ from Canada Since: Jul, 2011
#85: Apr 6th 2011 at 9:34:55 PM

Hm. Web Original seems good. It's Role-Playing like, you can say. But it gets boring for me if people post short quibbles — like one, two sentences or one-liners even. What I imagine — it's like a Writing Expo. It's a once-in-a-year event.

Here, you get to impress other people with how much uniqueness you can put into your writing. Show yourself off. Be daring and try to top what has come before.

I think, as an ideal, the character threads can be more like a big soap-opera. It's an episode of {{24}}, or The Wire. The stakes are high. Love bonds are made and shattered. Are they going to conquer the next base? Make world-wide changes? What the hell is coming next around the corner? This sort of stuff I find drives the thread forward.

edited 6th Apr '11 9:38:22 PM by QQQQQ

LoniJay from Australia Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
#86: Apr 6th 2011 at 9:36:47 PM

There kind of was supposed to be a plot in Outpost and the Snowflake thread - the blue flower and the party.

But it all ended up derailing into fighting. I think the Snowflake thread was a bit better in that respect, in that there was also some cooperation and relationship-developing going on.

Be not afraid...
PsychoFreaX Card-Carrying Villain >:D from Transcended Humanity Since: Jan, 2010
#87: Apr 6th 2011 at 9:43:41 PM

[up][up][up]Well I support the character threads works page [lol]. About the Castle though, Crystal Glacia have you by any chance played Dragon Age before? The plot structure I think is similar and character choices were an especially major factor. Which I don't think is such a bad thing.

But maybe it's because I haven't gotten around to finish reading Character Bar or Nightclub. So were they much better?

edited 6th Apr '11 9:46:34 PM by PsychoFreaX

Help?.. please...
QQQQQ from Canada Since: Jul, 2011
#88: Apr 6th 2011 at 9:45:51 PM

[up] In Bar, the characters all were locked in a snowstorm. It seemed like it was an Ontological Mystery — were they trapped in a pocket dimension? Did the possessed hotel want something with them? Everyone was doing stuff — cook dinner, question everyone's background, investigate facets of the place. They did it in such a way that every action built up the background tension, and involvement. Morven especially did a fine job on his part — I admit I'll be so glad if he can find time to join in again.

In Nightclub, you were there. You could smell the traces of popcorn in the air, you felt the jazzy night French atmosphere of the Moulin Rouge, Duke Zidler changed everything when he starts his act and unleashes his magic. And I liked how we ventured out into the city after a random car drive-by (I thought the thread was going to die at this point, only to realize that this is one of the greatest things that can happen.) It was a Xanatos Speed Chess — as soon as we come across something new, we took advantage of the opportunity and moved onward from there. (New players had some trouble catching up with the action though.) We ultimately ended up in Rapture.

I was imagining Yomiko and Milo having a thing for each other. I liked how she became so concerned for his well-being because he looked like a little boy who only wants to get back home. (What does Milo look like again?)

There's one point I like to mention. When intriguing situations are set-up, there is often the mistake of dragging it on to the point of "Get it over with already!" (People get bored) or that some people can't hold their wads and must get trigger-happy with their fingers (People lose interest after everything's all demolished). It's like chess at this respect; you have to find a way to evolve the situation, to push it forward in the right direction for long-term payoffs.

And I think David Lynch has something to say on 'immersion.'

edited 6th Apr '11 10:00:13 PM by QQQQQ

LoniJay from Australia Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
#89: Apr 6th 2011 at 9:49:17 PM

It would have been interesting if that had developed - you see, in Milo's culture, his species and humans don't intermarry. He would find the idea of being attracted to a human woman quite squicky sad

It would have made for some interesting writing...

Be not afraid...
Leradny Since: Jan, 2001
#90: Apr 6th 2011 at 9:59:44 PM

I have military slang for every possible type of magic user except for healers. *thinks. Like really, really hard.*

(Ten minutes later:)

Screw it, just going to use real slang for medics.

CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#91: Apr 6th 2011 at 10:03:01 PM

Think of a pun on 'medic'. Perhaps a derogatory form of it.

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
QQQQQ from Canada Since: Jul, 2011
#92: Apr 6th 2011 at 10:03:55 PM

edited 7th Apr '11 9:17:03 AM by QQQQQ

CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#93: Apr 6th 2011 at 10:05:54 PM

I was thrown off by one of the first sentences- "It would tickle her skin inside."

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
Leradny Since: Jan, 2001
#94: Apr 6th 2011 at 10:10:11 PM

Cyg: I've thought of that, and scoured the net for terms. The most vulgar one I've seen so far is "pecker checker", from Canada. I guess they just like medics too much for vulgarity.

edited 6th Apr '11 10:11:07 PM by Leradny

CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#95: Apr 6th 2011 at 10:17:55 PM

Hmmmm...

"Quack" is a derogatory term for doctors, apparently derived from the term "Quacksalvers", which were people who sold unhelpful medicines (such as medicines with no curative properties, or medicines like morphine, which help patients to feel better but don't actually cure them).

This is apparently derived from their method of aggressive promotion (Quacks quack!).

Would something like this be useful?

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
Leradny Since: Jan, 2001
#96: Apr 6th 2011 at 10:26:08 PM

Eh, I guess for bad ones it would work. But anyway I've scoured about eight databases and glossaries across all the branches, coming up with a grand total of three relatively tame terms—including the one you just gave me!—so it seems there really isn't a lot of slang.

Also, in case something else comes up: "doc" and all its variants won't work in my world, since "doctor/Dr" refers to college graduates. For those who work in the medical field it's "Healer/Hr".

CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#97: Apr 6th 2011 at 10:46:12 PM

"hir"

Hmmmmmm

Oh well. I tried to help >_<

I was merely saying, that's the sort of thing you have to consider. Medics evolved from hedge witches, after all ;)

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
Leradny Since: Jan, 2001
#98: Apr 6th 2011 at 10:50:47 PM

Anyway, if there's no real-world vulgar terms for field doctors, I think I'm going to have them be similarly off-limits in my world. No big deal, and thanks anyway Cyg.

CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#99: Apr 6th 2011 at 11:00:44 PM

Cool.

No worries. Give me a buzz if you need any help with research, etc.

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
SPACETRAVEL from ☉ Since: Oct, 2010
#100: Apr 7th 2011 at 1:10:04 AM

Nothing done at all. My thread is going to be on the second page before I finish the ur-outline. But believe me, it is shaping up to be a good thing that I'm doing. When it rises again from page two, it will be alive. As opposed to undead.

whoever wrote this shit needs to step on a rake in a comedic fashion

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