What Could I Do With This Idea?

I've had this idea rattling around in my head for a while. It's about this teenage girl,let's call her Marie for now, she's socially awkward and doesn't have many friends and is frequently a target for bullying by her peers. One day, she discovers/develops god-like powers, she can literally do anything she pleases. She starts using her powers to cause mischief in school and at home and as she realizes just how powerful she is, she starts making the kids who bullied her suffer (Like making the stereotypical "Rich Mean Popular Girl" develop boils on her face) and then starts targeting anyone she pleases whether or not they're innocent. The story is set a year after she got her powers, at that point Marie has created a barrier sealing the town off from the outside world and now rules over the town as a goddess figure, forcing the remaining townspeople to serve her or face a fate worse than death. The story is told from the perspective of another girl, let's call her Joy, who was Marie's friend from before she got her powers as she struggles to survive. Joy starts dreaming of somehow rebelling against Marie and is inspired to start planning this rebellion after finding out that the only limit on Marie's power is that, as powerful as she may be, Marie cannot read minds.

Joy starts making up a plan to use Marie's trust to get close to her and kill her somehow, meanwhile Marie is planning to extend her rule beyond the small town.

Eventually Joy decides to attack her, it fails and Marie slowly, agonizingly turns Joy into an immobile tree-like being. Joy is able to look straight ahead and hear, but that is all she can do. And to rub it in, the story ends with Marie coming to Joy to tell her of every successful conquest she has made, eventually with Marie in control of the entire Earth.

And that's about it.

One thing I'd like your opinion on is the theme of the story, what major theme would go well with this story, what would be the most effective message to convey and what message to avoid.

Another thing is Marie. I want to make her more than a two-dimensional Complete Monster, so what would be a good way of fleshing her out? What behavior would she have pre-God Mode that would lead her to do such things later on?

Another is how Grimdark to make this story. I've considered making this something of a (very) dark comedy and make Marie's punishments ironic and creative, or I could make it a straight horror story and make Marie's punishments as horrific as possible, or I could do a little of both. What do you guys think?

There's an episode of The Twilight Zone called "It's A Good Life" with an eerily similar premise, but replace the teenage girl with a little boy. Although, I think your idea is unique enough, you might want to check the episode out for inspiration, or to make sure your stories aren't too similar.

I think the first thing you need to do is give a reason as to why this girl has developed these powers. It might just be a personal issue for me, but I have a real problem with the "randomly develops powers" thing that pops up in stories, especially when the powers are that powerful.

Also, to keep Marie from being a complete two dimensional complete monster, I think you have to give her at least a moment or two where she questions the morality of what she's doing. Maybe give her a moment, perhaps during the final confrontation, where Marie seems to come to a realization that her godlike powers has alienated her from all her friends and turned her into an abomination that she herself would be ashamed of, but in the end, does nothing to change it. Maybe she just accepts that she can never be normal and keeps the course.

Make the way she uses her powers realistically balanced:

The starts out using her powers on people who deserve it, but it's not until it corrupts her that she turns into a Complete Monster. Have her claim a few genuine Asshole Victims, then move on to people who just irritate her.

And also, for Black Comedy, you could say that the world she creates isn't too bad, but in a False Reassurance way:

There's no countries - that means no nationalism or war - because the entire world is Marie-Land now!

There's no religions - we have a proven God now! Marie is the way, the truth, and the light! There's no reason to believe in anything else!

There's no posessions, because everything belongs to Marie now!

Marie's world is John Lennon's dream come to life!

edited 14th Mar '11 2:17:17 PM by Wheezy

Thanks for the feedback so far. I was also thinking of this idea. Instead of having Marie get her powers from some source during her teenage years, she could have always had them and never realized what she could do, and one day when she's especially angry at everyone, she makes a stray dog drop dead. She at first just thinks this is a freak coincidence and tries to forget about it, then the next day the same dog is brought back to life when she wishes that she hadn't killed it, and then she realizes that she's powerful. Also,what would be a possible way for her to get such powers? Should it be supernatural or a piece of unearthly Phlebotinum?

I think if you're going for Black Comedy, Twilight Zone-esque, then it doesn't need to be explained where she gets the powers. It's absurd, surrealism, whatever.

Exactly. It me when stories try to explain things that are obviously impossible using other things that are obviously impossible, anyway.

Maybe model her psychology after school shooters. Research what makes them tick.

One thing you should keep in mind is that (unless the powers also have mind-altering properties) she should show signs of being a twisted puppy prior to getting her powers. To play her sympathetically, maybe have it that she's very unhappy because, in her warped view of things, the whole world is against her and the only way to love her is to be perfectly nice to her no matter what. Maybe she's paranoid of rejection, so she pushes people trying to prove that they love her unconditionally, and eventually pushes them into rejecting her.