Polyamory

Fact of the matter is they exist and some work out just fine. It is like a lot of things in life, it is not for everyone. Another one of those things you should consider very carefully before doing to avoid causing trouble down the road. But like lots of things folks think they need to just hit the ground running.

edited 25th Feb '11 5:01:35 PM by TuefelHundenIV

Who watches the watchmen?

I don't so much think that polyamory shouldn't exist as that it is more likely to create inequality than monoamory (see:most polyamorous societies that have existed).

@SFN: Make a different thread unless you have some questions about how the lifestyle actually works.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

Do polyamorous societies distinguish between sexual and reproductive relationships?

@SFN: The short answer is "I can't answer that", but in longer form..

Poly is too disorganized to have a "society" as you are mentioning it...but in individual relationships the answer is "yes, often": Separating sex into pleasure, love and reproduction is a common three-way line that is drawn, since modern medical technology allows us to draw it.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

I suppose that makes more sense... the kind of polyamory I don't like is the kind where sex is still taboo outside of marriage or for nonreproductive purposes, because that case simply biologically requires the death of some percentage of men and men as a result gaining an authority over women.

edited 25th Feb '11 5:18:59 PM by SFNMustDie

@SFN: Ah. I think you are referring to polygamy (multiple marriages) which does have societies and is very different from what we're discussing here.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

Granted, there is some overlap, since people who practice the polyamorous lifestyle are more accepting of the idea of multiple marriages.

Just keep in mind that polyamory/polygamy does not automatically mean pseudo-Mormon cults.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

I suppose I've never really thought too hard about the kind of polyamory discussed in this thread, except for a vague contempt for the fact that I will never participate in it.

It's not for everyone, it's simply personal preference.

It's also not gender-specific. People involved in polyamorous lifestyles can be in any number of combinations. One man, multiple women; one woman, multiple men; multiple men and women as a group; all women; all men; etc.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

TBH, I have a feeling that however appealing it sounds, it probably isn't right for me anyways.

Fair enough. Like I said, it's not for everyone.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

So, Communism, Polyamory, and dual-wielding chainsaws - all awesome in theory, but difficult-at-best in practice? Though actually I'm with you; I think poly sounds awesome, I'm just not sure if I could pull it off. Honestly, I think that I would be able to handle my wife sleeping with other guys/girls better than vice versa  ^*

^{leaving aside any derails into bisexuality}

, but she doesn't seem eager to try and I'm not dumb enough to pressure her into it.

Just for clarity here - do have contempt for poly relationships, or are you upset about the fact that you will never have a poly relationship?

@drunks: I don't remember seeing it here, and if it's too prying feel free to non-answer, but I'm curious how many partners you each have  ^*

and how long you've been seeing them, as well as how much (if any) overlap they have with each other.

That’s the epitome of privilege right there, not considering armed nazis a threat to your life. - Silasw

@Blue Ninja: Not too many right now, actually. I've got a girl I see occasionally, but it's nothing serious at the moment. Mainly a mutual interest/attraction thing. There is some overlap, but I'm not going to get into details there (this not being Fetishes after all).

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

@Blue Ninja: We currently don't have any other relationships, but we've had casual sexual partners come and go, with various levels of involvement. For example, right now Drunkscriblerian is having casual sex with a girl on the side, and I'm occasionally involved with her too.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

The latter.

@SFN: I'm confused by your comment. What are you referring to?

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

Other people's private and consensual arrangements are none of my business. Still, polyamory ain't my choice. It looks like it's bound to be either a lot of effort or a lot of drama, and I like neither.

Friends with benefits or a standard open relationship offer the same perks without the awkwardness of having to deal amicably with your partner's multiple lovers. I find it dramatically easier to politely ignore such lovers :p.

You exist because we allow it and you will end because we demand it.

Just how does a 'standard' open relationship differ from polyamory away?

hashtagsarestupid

I think he was answering my question to him, a few posts above it; at least, I took it that way at the time he posted it.

That’s the epitome of privilege right there, not considering armed nazis a threat to your life. - Silasw

You do whatever you want, your partner does whatever he/she wants. 'S long as you're OK together, you stay together. That's what a standard open relationship is about .

Not having to get involved with your partner's other lovers is the main difference .

edited 28th Feb '11 1:39:03 AM by SavageHeathen

You exist because we allow it and you will end because we demand it.

@Blue Ninja: Ah, okay.

@Savage: That's certainly one way to do it. I've tried it and I did not work so well for me, but if you can make it work go for it. Poly is all about writing your own rules as I stated earlier.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

What most people think of when they hear "Open marriage" is something like this:

as opposed to the interlocking relationships like those diagrammed on Triang Relations.

edited 1st Mar '11 8:43:04 PM by Madrugada

...if you don’t love you’re dead, and if you do, they’ll kill you for it.

@drunk: okay so with a 'standard' open relationship, a couple is together but allow to see other people 'on the side'. While yourself and D.G. a have greater level of mutual interaction with each other partners. Am I on the right track? :S

hashtagsarestupid

@Madrugada: you're pretty much right on.

@joey: yes, as long as you're not assuming "mututal interaction" always means sex. Yes, at the moment it sort of does but that's not always going to be the case; mutual interaction means we're all at least friends because in our opinion that makes everything run smoother.

Not that I'm averse to three in a bed or anything.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~