The art of doing nothing - am I missing something?

I've never been the kind of person who enjoys idleness. People keep telling me to "relax" - from what I can tell, relaxation is generally considered a state of doing nothing, of idleness, of ceasing to make progress in any areas. I do not find this enjoyable. I find this stressful, as I have not made progress and am generally aware of the number of tasks I could be accomplishing while instead, say, sitting on a beach staring at the water. I have fun sometimes doing things that are pointless, like playing games, but when I play games I am making progress towards an eventual goal.

The purpose of relaxation seems to be to relieve stress. I generally have a number of projects that I consider fun that I can work on to relieve stress while still making progress. I don't know how to not do things. Is this detrimental to my health? Should I be concerned?

Lately people have been insisting I "enjoy my engagement". The obvious activities I assumed they were referring to are impossible due to distance from my fiancee. And yet, I'm being told to enjoy it anyway, that I don't need him around to enjoy myself. What, then, should I be doing? Is this like "relaxation" - something soothing to other people but that I do not find enjoyable?

It's a matter of clearing your mind for a moment and just enjoying what you have and not stressing.

And when that minute's over you have more stress because you missed a chance to do something...

I mean, it's not that I'm never not working. Making progress can be things like riding on a bus listening to music on my way somewhere, or cooking a meal, or reading a book. I just don't see the point of doing *nothing* - a vacation spent laying on a chair on the beach tanning is not a fun vacation to me. A vacation spent finally coding the new feature idea I had for my bot is. But the latter involves "doing work" and the former involves "relaxing", which I'm told is better.

It's quite frankly wasteful, is what it is.

Oh I see what you're getting at. Actually I have the same "problem" :)

I can be very jumpy and needing to do something or just so at peace with everything that staring at a wall and counting breaths is fun. I like staring at walls.

You sound like a textbook case of type A personality. The issue with this is that the body can't handle too much stress for too long or you crack, for lack of a better word. I'd recommend a low intensity hobby, something like beach books or gardening.

edited 21st Jan '11 1:19:20 PM by mikefrombrooklyn

My dad has the same problem; our vacations are more like speed recon than actual vacations. Mom and I have tried unsuccessfully for years to clue him in that by relaxing you're not doing nothing, you're letting your body recover and sometimes this is quite important for your health.

edited 21st Jan '11 1:32:27 PM by Pykrete

Can I just say? Being engaged is lame. By many accounts (certainly by mine), engagement is the worst part of your relationship: Way too much planning and stress; not nearly enough sex and snuggling (YMMV based on your living arrangements, obviously). And LD Rs suck, so a long-distance engagement is pretty much guaranteed to be no fun at all, regardless of how awesome your significant other is.

But being engaged is worth it because being married rocks.

You know what rocks even more? Being unmaried heretics who don't need a piece of paper from a clergyman to tell them they love each other.

I have the same general issue. A good comprimise is to read a lot; you are relaxing while still doing something. Admittedly something pointless, but entertaining and still something.

edited 21st Jan '11 2:12:33 PM by Diamonnes

I would far rather be restless and constantly working on things like the OP is rather than what I am now.

It does seem like you mostly do tasks that need to be done, but it's worth mentioning that if you're doing a task for enjoyment, or if you're lying around for enjoyment, what matters is the enjoyment, not whether you're adding to some arbitrary number of tasks completed (insomuch as anything matters at all.)

To clarify that, I often encounter people who think that they need to read a certain number of good books, or play a certain number of good games. It seems to me that it's enough to enjoy the books you do read or the games you do play. There's no cosmic quota that must be filled to keep you from going to Hell or something.

edited 21st Jan '11 2:57:44 PM by feotakahari

You know what rocks even more? Not dissing other people's relationship choices.

It's ok, I'm the same way. I always have to be doing something, and when I have idle time, that something is actually talking, when other people call it doing nothing.

I see it as a cognition thing: some people (me, the OP, etc. Don't ask me it it's learned or ingrained) have a high need for cognition and thus, among other thing, need to be doing something, mentally or physically, to feel at all comfortable. Some people don't and thus don't find doing nothing inherently distressing or uncomfortable.

We're planning a long engagement, but since I've got time off right now I'm bored bored bored, so I've been doing some wedding planning to solidify my preferences so that when my mother inevitably tries to take over I know what I want already. And yet, when I mention browsing through wedding stuff, people keep telling me "Don't jump right in, enjoy your engagement!"

What on earth do they MEAN?! If I were home I could enjoy plenty of snuggling and co-op gaming and gushing to friends and sex, but he's a bazillion miles away.

dont let it bother you so much. the whole point of relaxing is to enjoy yourself. even if it is "doing nothing".

the way I see it is this: whats the most important thing in life? its not whether you've left a mark on the world. its that you've enjoyed your time while here. having a good time is the most important thing you can do. if you cant enjoy yourself while sitting still, well i say stop sitting.

OP do you have OCD or something in that vein? Because the language you used and the general idea really came off as something like that.

I could enjoy plenty of snuggling and co-op gaming and gushing to friends and sex, but he's a bazillion miles away. - Yamikuronue

Personally, there's only so much "nothing" I can do before I start setting myself projects. Even if I'm unlikely to finish them.

If you're having difficulty with "doing nothing" and get more stress out of it then don't do it. Basic idea of the concept is not to think about your duties for a while and if you can't block it out it's no use.

I think you get your relax time out of your other hobbies like reading, hearing music etc.. As long as it gets your thoughts away from what society expects of you it works, in my opinion. Don't worry about it too much.

Doing nothing is actually doing something. It prepares you for action, for example, and allows you to think. It can also be quite healthy, so...

kinda... cute.

@Erock: Nope.