Misquoting Historical Figures for Fun and Profit, Mostly Fun

"Rommel, you magnificent bastard, I read your BLOG! And your MYSPACE! AND your FACEBOOK!" -General George S. Patton

"How many divisions does the Pope have? ... Fifty, you say?" - Josef Stalin

We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never-give me that... HOW MANY GERMANS?! Oh Gods, surrender, we surrender! Throw down your weapons! Hoist the white flag! Sell the Aussies to Hitler to use as a vacation home... what do you mean Australia already went independent? Fine, give them India! Anything but have to fight the Wehrmacht!

Winston Churchill.

(Its too late for me... wait, no! Help! Don't save yourselves, save me!)

edited 2nd Jul '11 7:43:58 AM by GameChainsaw

"If the gods wanted you to live, they would not have sent ME!" - Hippocrates

'I've got Jews, they're multiplyin',
And I'm losin' control...' - Adolf Hitler

edited 2nd Jul '11 7:49:36 AM by Pyrite

"Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few...sorry, they were planning WHAT for Operation Sealion? SERIOUSLY? Ahahahahaha that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard" - Winston Churchill

edited 2nd Jul '11 8:10:11 AM by pagad

But my uncle was a monkey... -Darwin.

"BRB carving a West-Central European empire" - Charles the Bold

"This is my gun. There are many like it, but this one is mine." - Wyatt Earp

"I make up for my wooden teeth by having an enormous cock." -George Washingston

"... by which, sadly, I cannot have kids with Martha."

"An unjust law can go eat a bag of dicks." - Aristotle

"A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy? Oh right, I forgot about Youtube and K-On!." - Albert Einstein.

edited 12th Jul '11 4:39:36 AM by Kraken

"Grant me the power to bring the world revolution!" ~ Che Guevara

"Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall. Or at least paint it something brighter!" Reagan.

edited 12th Jul '11 8:23:40 AM by GameChainsaw

"Read my lips: I am NOT going to pay a lot for this muffler!" ~ George HW Bush

"Let go of Poland or its your balls." Neville Chamberlain.

"It is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma, packed up with loads of that fluffy white foam stuff in a large wooden crate in a Bombay warehouse. Can you acquire it for me?" - Winston Churchill

"So, I made this university in Tulsa. And it's kind of like you typical suburban university, but IN SPACE!!!"

-Oral Roberts

An◊ explanation,◊ sort of.◊

"In five minutes, we'll reach the optimal altitude for missile deployment. George Bush will be released into the atmosphere." ~ Dick Cheney

"Jesu- get a fire extinguisher you asshole!" Joan of Arc; Last Words.

edited 16th Jul '11 5:43:29 AM by GameChainsaw

"We have nothing to fear but fear itse- Oh god! Is that a spider?! Get it off! Get it off!" - Franklin Delano Roosevelt

"Y'know, maybe we should all lay off the cocaine." - Sigmund Freud

edited 16th Jul '11 1:08:35 PM by Balmung

WE WILL MARRY YOU! Nikita Cruchev.

"I may have the weak and feeble body of a king, but I have the heart and stomach of a woman!" Elizabeth the 1st.

"An eye for an eye is just two more eyes for my eye collection" - Mahatma Gandhi

"I never really said most of the things I said. That reporter was tripping balls." -Yogi Berra

"Yes! Blow it all up! GWAHAHAHAHAHA!" -Alfred Nobel

"I am the DEADLIEST SON OF A BITCH IN SPACE!" -Isaac Newton

“I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend our Island home, to ride out the storm of war, and to outlive the menace of tyranny, if necessary for years, if necessary alone.

At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do. That is the resolve of His Majesty’s Government-every man of them. That is the will of Parliament and the nation.

The British Empire and the French Republic, linked together in their cause and in their need, will defend to the death their native soil, aiding each other like good comrades to the utmost of their strength.

Even though large tracts of Europe and many old and famous States have fallen or may fall into the grip of the Gestapo and all the odious apparatus of Nazi rule, we shall not flag or fail.

We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God’s good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of...did you say they have tanks? Okay, we're screwed." —Winston Churchill