HELLO, TROPERS! I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN! LET ME SHOW YOU MY....
(No, don't kill them! They're not deserving! Just tell them about yourself. Tell them your name is Krieg and you're a Vault Hunter from the video game Borderlands 2, but do NOT say anything about poop or blood!)
I TAKE A POOP-FLAVORED BLOODBATH! I LIKE RIDING BICYCLES MADE OF MEAT, MAULING THE MEAT WITH A MOTOR, AND BEING ON FIRE!
(Sigh.... Sorry, Troper. This is the madman in control of my body, and I'm all that remains of his long-broken mind.)
HE'S THE ULTIMATE PARTY POOPER! HE REFUSES TO LET ME RIDE MY MEAT BICYCLE WHEREVER I SEE FIT!
THE FACE-WEARING MAN IS HERE TOO! I LOVE REPEAT CUSTOMERS!note
I have the shiniest trope bicycle!
- Amazon Chaser: (Maya could kill me with her brain. And she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever met). SHE WAS THE FIRST LADY TO MAKE ME WANNA SHOUT! ( Damn you, Troy Calypso. Damn you to Hell!)
- Amnesiac Hero: (We've been like this so long I can't even remember when I was in control....) AND I DON'T WANNA! (After diving into our mind and remembering what Dr. Benedict did to us, I can see why.)
- And I Must Scream: (From what little I've been able to piece together from my old life, I was a Vault Hunter until Hyperion turned me into....this. Now a lunatic is in control of my body, he barely even listens to me, and I'm forced to watch him murder almost everyone he meets without being able to do anything but steer him towards the deserving.)
- Arch-Enemy: THE MAN WITH A FACE ON HIS FACE! I WANNA TEAR OFF HIS FACE AND HIT HIM IN THE FACE WITH IT!note
- Battle Couple: THE BLUE TATTOO HANGS THE PIÑATAS IN THE AIR AND I HIT THEM UNTIL THEY LET OUT ALL THEIR BLOOD-CANDY!note
- The Berserker: I GET IN A FIGHT WITH MY EYES WIDE OPEN AND MY PECS IN THE MUD!
- Blood Knight: I WANNA SLAUGHTER THE MEATMEN WITH POPGUNS AND MOTOR-HATCHETS!
- Close-Range Combatant: I'M A TOUCHY FEELY HOLIC!
- Combat Sadomasochist: I EMBRACE THE FLAME....
- Demoted to Extra: WHY DO I APPEAR ONLY AS VOICE BOXES?! (It was for the best that we stayed away from that crazy-ass cult. The architects of Maya's demise would have manipulated our loss by turning us against the Crimson Raiders and the last thing I'd want before ending us is to hear the snickering and jeering of two power mad assholes streaming our grief-driven carnage for their garbage channel. Our time will come, but by our own terms. And it may be sooner than we think.)
- Evolving Weapon: (I'm actually surprised my outer self knew enough about technology to upgrade our buzz-axe the way he did.)
- The Friend Nobody Likes: I AM THE ATTACK DOG OF THE RED BANDITS, ONLY GOOD FOR BITING PEOPLE! (We've been over this, that's not how the Crimson Raiders see you at all!)
- Glass Cannon: (We actually get stronger when our shield's down.)
- Having a Blast: I BLAST BANDITS' BRAINS FOR THE BLOODSPLOSION! (And if that wasn't excessive enough, they'll explode with the element of whatever weapon we used to do it. Would've been damn nice to use that new radioactive element.)
- Heroic Build: MY PECS HAVE PECS!
- Heal Thyself: I EMBRACE THE BLOOD AND THE BLOOD SQUEEZES MY PAIN UNTIL IT DIES! YOU CAN'T STOP THIS POOP TRAIN!
- Hulking Out: UNLEASH THE BEAST! WATCH THE MASTER OF MEAT MUTATE INTO THE MADDEST MEAT MOUNTAIN! (Surely turning into a mutant badass isn't going to have any negative longterm effects.)
- Intelligible Unintelligible: (Well, I wouldn't last too long inside this guy's head if I couldn't understand what he was saying.)
- Large Ham: I AM THE MAD MAESTRO OF MEAT!
- Mad Bomber: LIGHT THE FUSES, BITCHES, I'M READY TO BLOW!
- Mechanically Unusual Fighter: I DO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE CAN'T DO! AND THE PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DO WHAT I DO SAY I'M JUST NOT DOWN WITH THE DISEASES!
- Playing with Fire: RAVING RETRIBUTION REQUISITIONS RIGHTEOUS REVENGE UPON FOES WHEN AFLAME WITH FIREBALLS!
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: (Literally the case inside my mind. I'm personified as a blue Krieg while my Psycho self is personified as a red one.)
- Screaming Warrior: I SING WHEN I SWING AND I SWING WHEN I SING!
- Smiting Evil Feels Good: THE HEAD-VOICE ONLY LETS ME KILL PEOPLE HE SAYS ARE DESERVING AND I DON'T MIND A BIT EXCEPT WHEN I DO!
- Sociopathic Hero: MY MEAT BICYCLE HUNGERS FOR THE MEAT CANDY! IT WILL DEVOUR ALL THAT STAND IN MY WORLD! (Luckily for everybody, my other self knows his life's at stake if he hurts an innocent... at least, I hope.)
- Split-Personality Takeover: (Yes, I refuse to let my other self harm an innocent life. If he ever does it, I'll take control just so I can kill us both) HE ALSO COMES OUT OF MY CONSCIOUSNESS CAGE TO MOVE MY MOUTH!
- Talkative Loon: (Yeah, good luck getting me to shut up.)
- Throwing Your Sword Always Works: MY MEAT BICYCLE IS THE BASEBALL AND THE BAT!
- Token Enemy Minority: I HAVE NO SYMPATHY FOR MY MAD BROTHERS!
- Token Evil Teammate: I BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF ANYBODY AND EVERYBODY, KRIEG DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE! NOTHING HOLDS ME BACK EXCEPT FOR THE BORING HEAD-VOICE AND THE SCARLET INVADERS!
- The Unintelligible: I SING THE TALE OF MEAT AND POOP! NOBODY CAN DANCE THIS TANGO! (At least Maya's figured out how to decipher my babble.)
- Walking Shirtless Scene: NO SHIRT PRISON CAN HOLD MY MUSCLES!
- Wrecked Weapon: MY MURDEROUS MEAT MOTORCYCLE IS NO MORE!
