Sarcastic Confessions in Live-Action Films.
- Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: When Lincoln's love interest Mary Todd asked Abe in a picnic why he was tired, he told her that he had been killing vampires at night, knowing full well that Mary would think he was joking.
- In The Accidental Golfer, Bruno at one point is asked by his wife who just called him. He says truthfully that it was his lover. "Haha." his wife sarcastically answers.
- Aladdin (2019): While Aladdin is working out how to romance Jasmine, he sneaks into her quarters to try and talk to her in private. When she asks how he got on her balcony without her noticing, Aladdin replies 'Magic carpet'.
- The Amazing Colossal Man. A truck driver keeps badgering the gate sentries on the reason he's delivering all this food. Eventually a military policeman tells him that it's for the thirty-foot giant they have in the circus tent over there. The driver retorts, "Sure, you have!" and drives off.
- Assault on Wall Street: After Jim begins assassinating bankers and stockbrokers for their role in the financial crash, he meets up with his old police and security guard pals in their diner hang-out. When he brings up the recent killings, he sarcastically admits that he's the one behind it, but they take it as a joke. Still, it raises obvious doubts if one pays attention to their unnerved facial expressions.
- In Attack of the Clones, Count Dooku "warns" Obi-Wan that the Sith control the Galactic Republic, knowing that he won't be believed. He conveniently avoids saying that the Trade Federation is still working for Darth Sidious and that Dooku himself is a Sith Lord named Tyranus, however. The Expanded Universe implies, though, that even at this point he might want to kill Sidious, without consciously realizing that such urges are perfectly natural for a Sith (of course, he also lied a handful of times in the same conversation. He's quite the Manipulative Bastard).
- The Jedi Council, for their part, aren't sure if he was lying or not - although they clearly see that he was trying to sow seeds of mistrust between them and the Senate, they nonetheless agree that they need to be wary of the Senate, which by Revenge of the Sith bites them hard as Master Windu tries to kill Chancellor Palpatine - revealed to be the Dark Lord himself - rather than expose him to a corrupt Senate that he thinks the Jedi will need to take over in order to prevent the Republic falling into chaos, which allows Palpatine to make his own sarcastic confession and say that the Jedi tried to kill him and take over the Republic, thus he was fully justified in purging them. He is 100% right when he tells the Senate this, he just leaves out the fact that he himself is pure evil and Windu was trying to stop him.
- In Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Professor Browne rants that the weakness of the criminal mind is "you tell them the complete truth and they'll believe nothing!" He says this right in front of the bad guys whom he proceeds to pull this on. They fall for it.
- Happens in the Hong Kong film, The Black Butterfly. The titular character is an assassin on a covert mission in Taiwan, where she shares a cab with a nosy reporter who tries starting a conversation with her. When the reporter asks for her job, Butterfly responds, "I'm a killer." Take note that she just killed a mobster less than 24 hours earlier.
- In The Breakfast Club, principal Richard Vernon tries to publicly shame John Bender for having pulled a false fire alarm, leading to his detention:Vernon: What would you do if your home, your family... your dope was on fire?
Bender: Impossible, sir, it's in Johnson's underwear.- Of course, earlier in the film he had indeed tucked his bag of weed into Brian Johnson's pants.
- In Cabin by the Lake, horror writer and serial killer Stanley plainly tells his Hollywood agent over the phone that he's kidnapped a girl and is keeping her hostage to do some research for his script. She ignorantly tells him to drown the girl.
- In Calendar Girls, Chris enters a store-bought cake into a baking contest, which it wins. When the judges call her up to share the secrets of her success, she says that she followed her mother's advice, the last part of which is to buy one at the store. Everyone thinks she's kidding.
- In Closer, Larry ask Alice (while she works as his stripper) what her real name is, and spends a good amount of money on it. She tells him it's Jane Jones. That being a rather unusual name, he doesn't believe her of course. At the end of the movie, we see her passport...
- In Creature With Atom Brain the forensic scientist, Chet Walker, is so annoyed by the press badgering him to give them details about the murder that he goes right out and tells them that the murder was committed by an undead monster with radioactive blood. They all get mad at him.
- From Day Night Day Night, when someone is assisting a girl who dropped her heavy backpack on the sidewalk and is reluctant to receive help:"What you got in there, body parts?"
"A bomb"
"Stop joking." - Destroyer (2018): Not a full confession, but very close. When Erin is pushed off the crime scene by the investigating officer, she says "What if I could tell you exactly who killed him?" before flipping him the bird. It is later revealed that the victim is Silas, and she is the one who killed him.
- Deep Cover: David Jason asks John Hull why he's so curious about his drug business. John tells him its because he's a cop. David laughs it off. Even more delicious is that earlier the street savvy Jason DID guess correctly about John and even accused him to his face and walked away. John then has to pull some brilliant maneuvering to convince Jason he's a real drug dealer. Later in the movie John confesses again in a serious tone and David suddenly believes him, as it all makes sense. Made even more powerful when David says he doesn't care because he knows John loves money and power and they should just go on like they've been doing.
- Ebola Syndrome: In the film's opening scene after Kai murders his boss (being caught sleeping with the boss' wife) and utterly massacres his boss' family, catching the boss' young daughter spying on him Kai then grabs the child, ties her up and is emptying a keg of gasoline on the crying kid and about to drop a lit lighter when an oblivious neighbor suddenly walks in. When the neighbor asks what's going on (failing to notice the dead bodies behind the room), Kai answers, "I'm committing murder! Is that a problem?"
- Emily the Criminal: While chatting with another guest at a party thrown by Liz, Emily tells him she doesn’t do art anymore and is into credit card fraud. The subject drops and everyone else treats it as a joke.
- Faceless: When one of his patients asks him what the secret of his rejuvenation treatment is, Dr. Flamand tells her that involves the injection of blood and bone marrow from young women. He then embellishes the story with fictitious details about it having to be harvested from virgins on the night of the full moon to make it sound like a elaborate joke.
- In For a Few Dollars More, the Man With No Name joins a gang of robbers with the intent of getting close to their leader and kill him for the bounty on his head. His answer to the question why he wants to join: "Well, with such a big reward being offered on all of you gentlemen, I thought I might just tag along on your next robbery, might just turn you in to the law".
- The Fugitive:
- Dr. Richard Kimble has shaved off his beard and disguised himself as a doctor at a local hospital when a state trooper asks him if he's seen someone with Kimble's description, he says "Every time I look in the mirror, pal — except the beard, of course." Sounds risky, but it might have been more suspicious if he didn't acknowledge it.
- Later in the same film, when the real killer is asked if he knew any reason why Dr. Kimble would come after him, he says "Well, hell yeah — I have a prosthetic arm. I must have murdered his wife, right?"
- Ghost Ship: The major reveal in the film is innocuously foreshadowed pretty early on, but this only becomes clear in hindsight.Epps: Have you told anyone else about this?
Ferriman: Not a living soul. - The Girl Next Door: "Do those girls go to your school?" "No, actually, they're porn stars."
- Glengarry Glen Ross. When the detective asks Roma how he knew there was a robbery, Roma sarcastically replies "Yes, yes, I confess, I did it." Luckily for him, the detective detects (heh heh) the sarcasm.
- It's a Running Gag in Grosse Pointe Blank that no one ever believes Martin when, after being asked what he does for a living, he tells them he's a professional killer.Debi: [after learning the truth] You were joking! People joke all the time about the horrible things they do, they don't do them! It's absurd!
- In Hard Candy, Hayley jokingly says early on that "Four out of five doctors agree that I am actually insane." Later, she repeats it, not at all jokingly.
- In Bruges:
- Ray, a hitman whose first job (assassinating a priest) went horribly awry when he accidentally killed a little boy, is asked during a date what he does for a living.
Ray: I shoot people for money.
Chloe: What kinds of people?
Ray: Priests, children, you know. The usual.
Chloe: Is there a lot of money to be made in that business?
Ray: There is for priests, there isn't for children.- The film applies this trope to other characters too. But since the movie doesn't take place from their perspective, the audience finds themselves on the receiving end of sarcastic confessions and are not sure whether the character is telling the truth or just being sarcastic.
- In The House That Jack Built, the titular Villain Protagonist confesses to a police officer that he is a Serial Killer, and that he has killed 60 people. The cop finds that number to be too absurdly high to be believable and as such he ignores the statement.
- In the Line of Fire: Two game hunters remark on the Big Bad testing his custom-designed gun, so he casually says that he's planning to assassinate the President of the United States. Subverted when the Cold Ham delivery clues them in that he's not actually joking, so he kills them for their trouble.
- In Liar Liar, Jim Carrey is cursed with telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth (at least as he perceives it) for a whole day, and unable to lie by omission or even remain silent. Naturally, he is asked what he really thinks of his bosses right in front of them. He gets out of the situation by taking it so far over the top that everyone thinks he's roasting them. He also attempts to trick the judge into adjourning for the day by beating himself up and then giving the judge a description of who did it (i.e. a desperate man). It almost works, until the judge asks him if he's able to continue. He's forced to say yes.
- In Little Big Man, Jack Crabb tells General Custer in the final battle scene exactly what's going to happen if he charges forward. Crabb gives Custer the information because he knows that he won't be believed, and he isn't.
- In The Million Dollar Duck, Katie sells the golden eggs laid by the titular duck to various refineries. She tells the people there that the nuggets came from a duck, and they all laugh, assuming she's joking.
- Mr. Right: Just like in its spiritual predecessor Grosse Pointe Blank, Francis does the "breezy, casual" version of this for pretty much the first half of the movie, as he drops the fact that he's a hitman and mentions various deadly encounters right in the middle of flirty conversation. Martha assumes these are joking Blatant Lies until he finally goes on a little too long about his time in Serbia, which gets her thinking he might be more serious than she realized. (Then she's sure of it when he shoots a guy in broad daylight a minute later.)
- In The Mule, Earl's ex-wife asks him how he has managed to come into so much money. At first, he jokes that he's been working as a gigolo, then says he's a bounty hunter, then tells her that he's a drug mule for a cartel and has hundreds of kilos in his truck outside. His ex-wife interprets this to mean that he doesn't want to tell her the source of his money and gives up on asking him.
- Nighthawks. Wulfgar is flirting with a girl at a nightclub when she asks him what he does for a living."I'm an international terrorist wanted for bombings all over the world and a lady-killer."
- In No Country for Old Men, Llewelyn Moss discovers the scene of a drug deal gone awry — along with a satchel containing two million dollars. Upon taking it home, his wife asks what's inside the satchel, where he promptly answers "It's fulla money."
- In Other Halves, when asked why she doesn't have a boyfriend, Jasmine responds, "Because I kill and eat all my sexual conquests." The viewer knows this is remarkably close to the truth.
- Pirates of the Caribbean
- In Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Jack Sparrow does this with the two bickering redcoats, then points out that he knew they wouldn't believe him.Mullroy: What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?
Murtogg: Yeah, and no lies.
Jack Sparrow: Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.
Murtogg: I said no lies.
Mullroy: I think he's telling the truth.
Murtogg: If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.
Jack Sparrow: Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you. - In Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Angelica tells Jack that she's convinced Blackbeard she's his daughter. He's understandably confused when it turns out she convinced him by virtue of it being true.Jack Sparrow: You lied to me... by telling the truth?
Angelica: Yes.
Jack Sparrow: That is very good, may I use that?
- In Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Jack Sparrow does this with the two bickering redcoats, then points out that he knew they wouldn't believe him.
- In Plan B, Laura asks her ex Bruno after one of their trysts what he's thinking about. Bruno — who, unbeknownst to Laura, has befriended her current boyfriend Pablo and plans to seduce him to sabotage their relationship — replies, "Your boyfriend," which Laura laughs at.
- The Post: As Bagdikian is bringing the Pentagon Papers on his flight back to D.C., the stewardess sees him trying to put a seatbelt on one of the boxes he has and notes it must be precious cargo. Bagdikian responds, "It's just government secrets," which she laughs at.
- In Practical Magic, Sally Owens accidentally kills Jimmy Angelov with an overdose of belladonna, and then after she and her sister resurrect him as a homicidal revenant, she is forced to kill him again. Later in the film, when lawman Gary Hallet asks her if she killed Angelov, she answers—perfectly truthfully and with a flippant tone—"Oh, yeah. A couple of times."
- In Presumed Innocent, Rusty says to the lawyer prosecuting him for the murder of his mistress "You're right—you're always right". The prosecuting attorney actually tries to sell this to the judge as a real confession, but the unamused judge gives him a lecture on the concept of obvious sarcasm.
- Done for a short time in The Princess Bride — Westley (still unable to move due to recently being Only Mostly Dead) taunts Humperdinck while lying in a bed with "It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand," — then, he stands up.
- In Red Eye, there was a minor case of this. Jackson Rippner is very unhappy about his meaningful name...Lisa: That wasn't very nice of your parents.
Jackson: No! That's what I told them! Right before I killed them.- The dialogue first third of that film is almost entirely composed of Sarcastic Confessions, until he makes it clear he's not joking.
- In Red Lights, Sally and Tom are watching Matheson getting torn apart during a televised debate, and Tom tells Sally he hopes Matheson doesn't end up using the "dog and bone" analogy. When she does, Sally asks Tom how he knows, and Tom replies sarcastically, "because I'm psychic". The Twist Ending is that he actually is.
- In Road to Perdition, a waitress asks Michael Sullivan and his son what they are doing in the middle of nowhere. Michael Sullivan Jr answers that they are bank robbers in an innocent voice. She treats this as a joke and doesn't look into the string of bank robberies following the gangster and his son across America.
- The hero of Secret Service of the Imperial Court, Sergeant Zhao Bu-Fan, is a Professional Killer for the Emperor, a career his wife is well aware of... but not his son. So when his son asks about it...Son: Daddy, why do you keep bringing a sword to work?
Zhao: To kill people, my dear.
[Beat]
Zhao: But I only kill bad people. - Show Me Love: Elin mixes this with Not Listening to Me, Are You? and adds in a pile of "Really needs to say this aloud to another person."[she and her mother is watching TV. Her mother is engrossed in the show]
Elin: [out of the blue] Mom, I am a lesbian. I am a homosexual.
[her mother looks up from the TV, have clearly only heard one half of what she said]
Elin: ...just kidding.
[Mom looks bewildered and then mentally shrugs and returns to her show] - In 7 Zwerge, when questioned by the castle guard, Brummboss announces that he's there to bring freedom back to the land, defeat the false Queen, and free Snow White. The guard assumes he's applying for Court Jester and lets him in.
- Spanking the Monkey: After an interrupted suicide attempt, Raymond kisses, then tries to strangle his mother Susan. One of his friends peeks through the window, asking what's going on. Raymond casually notes that he tried to kill his mom, which his friend takes as a joke.
- Starkweather: When Robert and Carol pick up Charlie and Caril Ann, and Robert asks what they were doing out in the middle of nowhere, Charlie replies "We just killed an old man, slept in his house, and then our car got stuck in the mud".
- Cardinal Richelieu does this in The Three Musketeers (1993). King Louis tells the Cardinal that he's heard rumors that he is planning to betray him. Richelieu responds:Richelieu: Ah, yes. That is usually the first. Let me see if I remember it correctly. While the English attack from without, the wicked Cardinal undermines from within, forging a secret alliance with Buckingham and placing himself on the throne. But really, Your Majesty, why stop there? I have heard much more festive variations. I make oaths with pagan gods, seduce the queen in her own chamber, teach pigs to dance and horses to fly and keep the moon carefully hidden within the folds of my robe. Have I forgotten anything?
- A scene or two before he'd tried to seduce the queen in her bath chamber, too!
- Done non-verbally as a Moment of Awesome in the Mel Brooks' remake of To Be or Not to Be. The theater troupe sneaks several dozen Jewish refugees past a theater full of Nazis by dressing them up as clowns and making their getaway part of the show. When an elderly couple begins to panic, one of the clowns puts on a Nazi hat and pretends to be a Gestapo officer, then slaps Stars of David on them and marches them out to uproarious laughter.
- True Lies shows that even under a Truth Serum, the bad guys don't believe Arnie when he says he's gonna kill 'em.
- Where Eagles Dare. Smith tells Schaffer the reason he's late is that he found a beautiful blonde woman lying in the snow. Said woman is an intelligence agent who parachuted in after the commando team and is secretly working with Smith.
- In X-Men: Days of Future Past, shortly after arriving in the past, Wolverine is confronted by some thugs who want to kill him for sleeping with their boss's daughter. Wolverine tries to convince them that it was his past self who did it and that they shouldn't be punishing him, all the while cracking some time travel jokes.
