"It's A Miserable Life" is an episode in the second season of The Golden Girls.
The girls are busy trying to save a 200-year-old oak tree from its potential removal in their neighborhood, but they're met with resistance from Frieda Claxton, a grouchy old woman whose property line includes said oak tree in question and who wants it removed. The girls try to persuade her to no avail, and the tension reaches the boiling point at a local council meeting, where Rose, whom Claxton manages to enrage, reacts by yelling at her. Rose is then left feeling guilty when Claxton dies in a fatal heart attack after Rose yells at her, and the girls proceed to arrange a funeral on her behalf.
Tropes in this episode:
- And There Was Much Rejoicing: When Rose wonders why no one but them are even present for Claxton's funeral despite the local newspaper announcing her death, Dorothy responds that other people who are informed of her death are too busy celebrating to bother showing up.
- Ask a Stupid Question...:Rose: Why do people die, Dorothy?Dorothy: Oh, please, Rose! I don't even know why fools fall in love!
- Asshole Victim: Frieda Claxton was a miserable old crone when she was alive, and apparently took pictures of Blanche when she was sleeping with men.
- Attending Your Own Funeral: Overlapping with Faking the Dead, Blanche mentions that she arranged to do this when she was sixteen. When she revealed she was alive, her father got so angry that he shipped her off to a religious school for girls.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: Rose tells Claxton to "drop dead" in her moment of anger, right before the latter literally "drops dead" due to suffering a fatal heart failure. Granted, Claxton is a Jerkass who returns Rose's pleas with insult, but it doesn't lessen Rose's guilty feeling once Claxton dies.
- Beware the Nice Ones: While Blanche and Dorothy react to Claxton's mockery with barely-contained rage as they're about to lunge at her before being stopped, Rose lets loose a "The Reason You Suck" Speech after Claxton insults her.
- Expy: Claxton appears and behaves similarly to Miss Gulch from The Wizard of Oz.
- Got Me Doing It: After getting used to the "proper" way of pronouncing the funeral home owner's surname, Dorothy, at one point, says "funeral" but unnecessarily adds the "P" in front of it, prompting her to a Verbal Backspace to correct herself before proceeding.
- Hated by All: Blanche flat out says to the funeral director that everyone in their neighborhood despised Frieda.
- I Wished You Were Dead: Rose tells Claxton to "drop dead" in a moment of anger, right before Claxton dies from fatal heart failure, which leaves Rose guilt-ridden as the result.
- Jerk with a Heart of Jerk: Frieda Claxton. Despite Rose's initial belief that Claxton is a Jerk with a Heart of Gold, she turns out to prove Rose wrong. For starters: She agrees to Rose's plea about saving the 200-year-old oak tree, only to renege on her agreement right before the local council meeting is about to begin — she claims that she agreed only for the danish Rose brought to her.
- Karmic Jackpot: After hosting a funeral for Claxton and taking her ashes that the funeral home owner refuses to keep, Rose decides to spread her ashes to the 200-year-old oak tree and requests the local council members not to cut down the tree so as to not disturb her final resting place. The request is granted, so the girls do get what they want in the end.
- Last Disrespects: After a woman who shows up late for Claxton's funeral turns out to have been in the wrong funeral all along before being corrected about where the right one is, she double-checks by asking the girls whether the funeral is for the same Frieda Claxton as the one who "owns an old house on Richmond Street". Once the girls confirm with "yes", she gives one hearty kick to the coffin before leaving in a huff for the one she intended to attend in the first place.
- Lonely Funeral: The funeral the girls arrange for Claxton only has the girls for attendants.note
- Plot Hole: There is no logical reason for the girls to have possession of Freida Claxton's remains or for them to be able to make funeral arrangements for her. Mrs. Claxton presumably left her last will and testament, and even if we accept that she had no friends or relatives who would have executed said will, she could have had her lawyer do it (which most lawyers are very happy to do as it entitles them to an executor's fee). If she died intestate (that is, without a will), the State of Florida would have appointed someone to manage her estate and it's hard to see the state handing over control to four random neighbors, one of whom Mrs. Claxton vocally expressed her hatred of in her dying words.
- Pretentious Pronunciation: The funeral home owner insists that the "P" in his surname, "Pfeiffer", is not silent, so his surname is to be pronounced "p-fai-fer".
- Rage Breaking Point: Blanche, Dorothy, and Rose take turn getting to this after Claxton insults each of them (Claxton telling Blanche that she has witnessed scenes of Blanche with men in her bedroom and that she looks forward to finding something incriminating against her, telling Dorothy that she's the one with nothing going on in her room, and telling Rose that she hates Rose, respectively).
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: After Claxton insults Rose, Rose proves that even she has her limits and reacts by unloading one of these on Claxton.That's it! I have had all I'm gonna take from you! Now if you don't have the common decency to treat people like humans beings, well, then, I'm sure as Hell not gonna waste my time kissing your fanny! Now, if you don't like it, Mrs. Claxton, you just sit there and shut up while we have our say, and if you don't like it, just drop dead!
- "Shaggy Dog" Story: The girls hold a funeral for Frieda Claxton with the intent to have her dead body buried in a coffin, but a mix-up at the funeral home results in her body being cremated by mistake.note Mr. Puh-feiffer: We should have never hired a high school student.
- Shout-Out: When Mr. Pfeiffer suggests holding the funeral on Thursday night, the girls all react with outrage—"Are you crazy?", "Hell, no!", etc.Mr. Puh-feiffer: "I'm sorry, I forgot. The Cosby Show."
- What Happened to the Mouse?: Although the fate of the tree is accounted for in the final scene, we never learn what becomes of Mrs. Claxton's house, which would have to be disposed (along with the rest of her estate). As the girls are responsible for Mrs. Claxton's remains and her funeral arrangements, this implies that they are serving as executors of her estate and therefore would also be in control of the fate of her house, pending its sale or transfer to the designated beneficiary. See Plot Hole, above.
