- Date First Aired: 14/01/1993
Brittas has received a mysterious package from one Lord Millbanks, who he parted on less than friendly terms with. Opening up the package, he finds only leaves. Meanwhile, the majority of the staff have decided to give him the silent treatment and threaten him with sending him to Coventry following his attempt to give them fitness targets, which he made using information picked up through spying on them as they were getting changed. Brittas' plan for dealing with them is to get the ones intending to send him away to an anxiety appointment with county psychiatrist Alan Matthews, who shows some interest in the man. Meanwhile, Carole is performing a cleanout for charity, with Helen (who's setting up for an antenatal class) noticing what appears to be a spider toy that is capable of moving...
As Colin is getting names, he, Tim, Gavin, and Julie discuss the contents of the package, along the way discovering the remains of a half-eaten spider in it. Matthews appears and Brittas has him test the anxiety levels of the staff (much to their annoyance), which turn out to be comparable to that of an inmate on death row. During all of this, it is revealed that a venomous spider is roaming the centre and could strike at any minute. Brittas also takes over the antenatal class, to disastrous results.
Afterwards, Matthews talks to Brittas. He has concluded that he is the cause of the centre's problems and tells him to give up his Dream. As this is going on, Colin is bit by a spider and is given 3 and a half minutes to live. The only way to help him is to suck the poison out of Colin's groin, which Brittas does. Awed by this, the staff withdraw their silent treatment and are happy enough to listen to him again, although Brittas never figures out what he did wrong to make the staff hate him.
Tropes featured in this episode:
- Accidental Pervert: Brittas spies on his staff members changing so that he can prepare their fitness targets for them. He is also completely unaware of how creepy his actions were, even at the end of the episode.
- Alliterative Name: Ben's teddy bear, which is given to Emily, is called Bungie Bear.
- Animal Assassin: Lord Milbanks tries to kill Brittas by sending over two venomous spiders in the hope that one of them will bite and kill him. It doesn't work.
- Assassin Outclassin': Lord Milbanks' attempt to murder Brittas with two venomous spiders fails completely.
- Continuity Nod:
- Matthews is seen to have a copy of Just How Sane Are You?, much like Carole back in "The Trial".
- Matthews mentions seeing Brittas at the opening day of the centre.
- Colin mentions that the attempt on Brittas' life is "another assassination attempt", which is either a reference to "Assassin" or (considering the fact that Brittas never finds out during the episode that Larry was trying to kill him) a Noodle Incident.
- Flashback: We're shown why the staff aren't speaking to Brittas through one of these.
- In Medias Res: The episode starts with the staff already giving Brittas the Silent Treatment, with how this came to be the case being revealed in a short Flashback afterwards.
- The Ghost: Lord Milbanks.
- Improbable Infant Survival: A highly dangerous tarantula is placed in the same drawer as the infant Emily resides in, but the tarantula somehow manages to escape off-screen and the only casualty is the adult Colin.
- Lamaze Class: A variant. The reason Helen's in the centre for this episode is to attend antenatal classes. Brittas ends up taking over them and making it hell for the expectant mothers.
- Name One: When Julie puts forward the idea of total non-corporation to Tim and Gavin, Gavin initially resists, believing that it is an extreme action for someone who was only trying to help. Then Julie asks if Gavin can think of one time that Brittas' efforts have actually helped someone, which convinces Gavin to go along with Julie's plan.
- Nasal Trauma: After Brittas is attacked by the expectant mothers, he ends up with a plaster and blood on his nose.
- Near-Death Experience: Colin is bitten by a poisonous spider and would have died if Brittas hadn't sucked out the poison.
- Never My Fault: Lord Milbanks once threw something at Brittas, missed, hit the fireplace with it, and got in a lot of trouble. He then sent Brittas a parcel containing venomous tarantulas as revenge, even though it wouldn't have happened if he had just kept his temper in check.
- Noodle Incident:
- The staff were once at a meeting hosted by Lord Millbanks, which ended with him throwing one of Rembrandt's pictures at Brittas and it burning up in his fireplace.
- A comment by Tim implies that he may have had a round of electrotherapy which didn't work for him.Tim: Oh Lord, he's not gonna clip high voltage cables to our ears and then turn up the current, is he?Julie: I wouldn't have thought so.Tim: Good, because it doesn't work.
- One-Shot Character: Alan Matthews and Debbie.
- Perfect Poison: The spider venom works remarkably quickly, with Colin at death's door within minutes.
- Readings Are Off the Scale: At one point, Alan decides to check Helen's stress levels using a monitoring device that outputs the results audibly (basically, the higher-pitched it is, the more stressed the person is). Brittas annoys Helen so much that the machine goes into ultrasound.
- Revolting Rescue: Colin gets bitten by a spider and will die unless someone sucks out the poison. Unfortunately, this involves doing so around the crotch and from a person known to be The Pigpen. Nonetheless, Brittas volunteers, which is enough for the staff, (who had been giving him the Silent Treatment earlier on for spying on them whilst they were changing to create fitness targets) to talk to him again.
- Shout-Out:
- Lord Millbanks once threw one of Rembrandt's paintings at Brittas.
- Helen is holding The Complete Handbook of Pregnancy when she first meets Alan.
- Silent Treatment: The staff are trying to not talk to Brittas at the start of the episode (except for Laura and Colin, due to their status as members of Management) due to his method of setting up their fitness targets. They withdraw it after seeing him suck out Colin's poison.
- Spiders Are Scary: Two highly poisonous spiders are sent to the leisure center in a bid to murder Brittas. One of them winds up biting Colin and he nearly dies from the experience.
- Stalker without a Crush: Brittas, who gets photos of the staff changing in the staffroom for the innocent purpose of creating fitness targets for them.
- Stealth Pun: Brittas has fallen out of the good graces of his employees and only wins back their respect by sucking out the poison from a poison bite of Colin. In other words, he's sucking up to them.
- Suck Out the Poison: Colin gets bitten by a vicious spider somewhere around his crotch and has to have the poison sucked out by Brittas.
- Take That!: When Gavin points out that Brittas is only trying to help, Tim counters that Mr. Major was only trying to help as well.
- Toy Disguise: One of the poisonous spiders gets mistaken by Helen as one of the toys that Carole is clearing out for charity.
- Visible Boom Mic: One dips into view while Brittas explains the personal fitness targets to the staff.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: The fate of the spider, and the eggs it's carrying, is not clarified after it bites Colin.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Carole is revealed to be terrified of spiders, which is of course revealed as a spider is roaming the centre.
- You Got Murder: Millbanks sends Brittas a package containing two venomous spiders with the intent to kill.
