Airdate: Monday, October 24, 2005
Sender: Justin Wagley, Keller TX
Strong Bad: (singing) I'm still here, after all these years, checkin' my email. (high-pitched singing) Checkin' my email!
Justin from "Killer Taxes" has been having trouble falling asleep "latley", and wants to know if Strong Bad could tell him a bed-time story.
Strong Bad: Justin Wagley, huh? Well, this Just-in, Wagley... I'm not your freakin' babysitter! Or your Dad! Or your dadbysitter. But I am The Cheat's dadbysitter, and he's been having some serious problems falling asleep "latley" too.
Thanks to The Cheat being scarred by a "shock-you-mentary" on gingivitis, Strong Bad and Strong Mad have had to cook up an elaborate bedtime routine for The Cheat. So elaborate, in fact, that Strong Bad claims it's "officially reached rigamarole status." The components needed for "getting The Cheat to freaking go to sleep" are:
- "The Cheat's security, um, item", a "grodalated" sponge covered in band-aids and a crudely-drawn face known as The Denzel.
- The Cheat's favorite bedtime snack, Suudsu, a glass of skim milk with gummy bears floating in it.
- The bedtime story proper. In "The Cheat's Cheatventures in Moses Maloneland" (depicted in "Powerered by The Cheat" form), The Cheat hangs out with basketball star Moses Malone, and together they win a debate against "the minds of Mount Rushmore", shop for new wristbands and monster truck tires, diss their nemesis Maggot-Man, and play video games ("The Adventures of Lolo? You'd better s-s-save saved the receipt!")
- The Cheat's favorite lullaby, which involves Strong Bad shouting about bran muffins while Strong Mad accompanies on chainsaw.
- And when all else fails, they chuck "two or three roach foggers" under The Cheat's grill, make sure he's still got a pulse, and call it a night.
Strong Bad: Hopefully you were able to at least cop a wicked contact buzz off of The Cheat's bedtime story, Wagley. Or off the fumes from those bug bombs. Either way, (the screen dims) you should be losing consciousness (the screen dims, the sound becomes distorted and slows to a stop) any second now...
(The Paper comes down.)
(The Paper comes down.)
Tropes:
- Art Shift: "The Cheat's Cheatventures in Moses Maloneland" is done in Powered By The Cheat style.
- Bread, Eggs, Breaded Eggs: Strong Bad protests to Justin "I'm not your freaking babysitter! Or your Dad! Or your... dadbysitter."
- Color Failure: When The Cheat watches the "shock-you-mentary" about gingivitis, he turns white with fear.
- Chainsaw Good: Strong Mad "plays" the chainsaw while performing The Cheat's lullaby.
- Documentary of Lies: In-universe, the "shock-you-mentary" The Cheat watches claims that gingivitis turns your gums into chocolate pudding.
- Everything Makes a Mushroom: Maggot Man explodes in a mushroom cloud when Moses Malone kicks him.
- The Faceless: The only parts of Moses Malone that are shown are his legs and sometimes his hands, with the rest of him being out of frame. One of his socks moves up and down to indicate that he's talking.
- The Fourth Wall Will Not Protect You: The ending is apparently meant to simulate the viewer passing out from the events of the e-mail.
- Media Scaremongering: Parodied; Strong Bad blames The Cheat's sleeplessness on a "shock-you-mentary" about gingivitis.
- Nightmare Fuel: In-universe. A gingivitis "shock-you-mentary" leaves The Cheat wide-awake at night.
- Not Hyperbole: An Easter egg in the form of a Certificate of Rigmarolarity, signed by Good Lord Rigmarole himself, apparently proves Strong Bad was serious when he said getting The Cheat to bed has "officially reached rigmarole status".
- Rousing Lullaby: Strong Bad sings a "lullaby" for The Cheat that involves him shouting a nonsensical rhyme about bran muffins over the sounds of Strong Mad revving up a chainsaw.
- Security Blanket: The Cheat's "security item" is The Denzel, a "grodalated" old sponge with a face drawn on it and covered in band-aids.
- Shout-Out:
- Strong Bad tells The Cheat "Sleep tight, sweet prince" before using the bug bombs on him.
- The Cheat and Moses Malone play Adventures of Lolo and later Bayou Billy together, with Moses apparently not liking either of them.
- Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: Maggot-Man is a clingy hanger-on from "The Cheat's Cheatventures in Moses Maloneland" who apparently always tries to bug Moses and The Cheat into letting him hang out with them.
Moses Malone: Bayou Billy? I hope you saved the receipt!
