Debbie Love is taking a personal day to go to the spa, and convinces Quinn to be the substitute teacher. Quinn brushes off her advice about how unruly the class is. On the way there, Quinn runs into Shanks, who decides to tag along after being inspired by Dead Poets Society.
Upon arriving at class, Quinn's shocked by two things: that Stormy's in the class since he never graduated fifth grade, and that one kid has the name Fatass McBlobbicus. Fatass runs away after Shanks mocks him, and Quinn goes to get him back.
At the spa (and grill) Debbie is enjoying a bath and relaxing, hoping the kids don't give Quinn too much trouble.
Back at Sealab, Quinn and Fatass come back to find the room in chaos, with the desks forming a makeshift castle and Stormy's team 'defending' it and Shanks's team 'attacking' it. However, they were never studying Le Morte D Arthur at all-they were studying the times tables. Quinn orders the desks put back.
Back at the spa, Debbie is being massaged by a couple of hunky male masseurs while noting that per the instructions of the production council and Standards and Practices the hookah she is enjoying is drug-free.
Back at Sealab, Quinn is proceeding with the lesson plan when Shanks beckons him over in a panic because he accidentally killed the class pet, a rare scarlet ibis named Roscoe. As a student named Doodle gets too curious, Quinn hastily orders everyone to take a nap while he gets a new ibis. Despite the fact that they're rare, the exotic wildfowl superstore instantly makes one appear in Quinn's arms. Quinn returns with the new Roscoe only to find out that Shanks already told the children that Roscoe was dead. He makes it worse when he tells the children that no one dies and is bashed in the skull by Roscoe.
Back at the spa, Debbie is beaten with a couple of bamboo stalks by the masseurs and enjoying it immensely.
Back at Sealab, Quinn discusses with the class the myriad things that could kill them while Shanks is tied up, but reassures them that they're young and healthy and don't have to worry about diseases. When Doodle brings up his ailing grandfather, Quinn suggests that Doodle spend time with him while he can, but Doodle still believes that he'll live forever.
Back at the spa, Debbie is back to being massaged and enjoying the men, the fajitas, and the drug-free hookah.
Back at Sealab, Quinn tries to change the subject away from death, only for Doodle to bring up heaven, which Quinn doesn't want to discuss because of people having different beliefs. When Doodle persists on the topic, Quinn decided to tell them what he, as a scientist, thinks happens when people die.
Back at the spa, Debbie is being stepped on by one of the masseurs. He apologizes when he thinks he hurt her, but she reassures him that it felt good.
Back at Sealab, the class freaks out at Quinn's explanation of what happens to a body after death and is cut off by a protesting Shanks. He and the class decide his 'live forever' explanation is the better one. A frustrated Quinn tells the class that life sucks and it doesn't come with a happy ending.
Back at the spa, Debbie is propositioning the masseurs for sex.
The Stinger: Shanks and Stormy play dodgeball against the rest of the class while Quinn is tied up, and Debbie and the masseurs demonstrate the Smoking Hot Sex trope.
