Rumored to have been partially written by a fan of Sealab 2021, but generally accepted to be MC Chris trolling everyone. This episode was originally somewhat different.
Shanks is at the Idiot drinking in memory of his brothers, the last living one dying not too long ago. He tells Stormy and Sparks how all of them died: Perseus died when he made his bungee cord too long and jumped off a bridge, Hercules jumped after him when he realized Perseus jumped with his chicken, Odysseus followed suit when Herc's dying breath revealed it was actually Odysseus's chicken, the twins Castor and Pollux died when they set fire to the bridge while they were still on it, and Achilles suffered a heart attack going to the bathroom. (In case you're wondering why Tornado Shanks is the odd one out, his real first name's Bellerophon.)
With them all dead, it's up to Shanks to continue the bloodline, but he's getting old for kids, so it's time for Plan B. A crossdressing Hesh shows up asking Shanks if he's sure this will improve his rap career and Shanks tells him to make sure he's at the chapel tomorrow in man clothes.
The next day, Debbie Love is yelling at a bridesmaid and she and Shanks discuss his Plan B: marry off Debbie Dupree and Hesh, get them to have sex, and have Shanks adopt their firstborn son and continue the Shanks line that way. When Debbie points out the obvious flaw that the baby won't have a drop of Shanks blood in him, Shanks just says Rome wasn't built in a day.
In the men's room, Hesh is throwing up while Sparks, Marco, and Stormy try to get him out. Quinn is already drunk. Stormy offends a Dutchman named Yost when he offers Hesh some 'Dutch courage' and Sparks makes it worse by invoking Godwin's Law. Stormy wished he got a dike joke in, only to be told it's old. Hesh announces that he fell Off the Wagon last night, and when Stormy protests he only had one drink at the bachelor party, Hesh clarifies that he meant the 'crossdressing and prostitution' wagon. Quinn wonders how the hell Shanks talked Debbie into marrying Hesh.
The answer: he's feeding her a trail mix of vicodin, baby aspirin and horse tranquilizers and samples some for himself. Debbie thinks she's marrying Quinn, and Shanks chuckles that this will make the plot twist so twisty.
In the chapel, Sparks immediately guesses who the next set of guests are for because it's pretty obvious: farmhands for Hesh, black men for Debbie. Quinn tries to chase Hesh, but Debbie Love gets in the way and tells him he better hold his peace if he knows what's good for him. When Quinn backtalks her, she throws a shoe at him, then one at Stormy for laughing. Yost throws his own wooden shoe at Sparks to get back at him for the Nazi jokes.
Debbie is now stoned out of her mind and barely notices that she's on fire. Yost puts her out and Debbie Love wonders what the hell happened to Debbie.
Sparks regrets the choice of groomswear since the pants are made of wool and itchy. When Quinn yells at him to shut the fuck up, the priest asks him to stop swearing, only to swear himself when Sparks catches fire from all the scratching. Yost puts him out and asks for a thank you, but Marco shoots him with a machine gun.
Debbie is wheeled down the aisle and the ceremony begins. Hesh decides to rap his own vows, but is cut off when Quinn cuts the mike and tries shooting him. Hesh reveals himself to be The One and stops the bullets. Quinn declares the dialogue to The Matrix sucked, Debbie declares her love for Hesh, and Hesh declares that he's [adult swim]'s most popular character.
It then turns out that the entire episode was a fanfic written by a Hesh fanboy. His mother is not amused and thinks he's masturbating.
The Stinger: Hesh declaring that if his john wants anything below the belt it's five bucks.
