Title: Grandstand (or: The British Showbiz Awards)
Original Airdate: 18/1/1973
Thames has an exciting evening scheduled, but first it's a rotten BBC programme.
And now, it's: the British Showbiz Awards! Presented by Her Royal Highness, the Dummy, Princess Margaret. The first nominees are presented by the cremated remains of Sir Alan Widdle and include the Third Parachute Brigade Amateur Dramatic Society's Oscar Wilde skit, which is presented. The skit shows Oscar Wilde and some friends at a party, trying to impress a prince by one-upping each other with clever sayings. The second award is presented by the refrigerator of David Niven for best foreign film director. The nominee who came in sixth, Pier Paolo Pasolini's The Third Test Match is presented, followed by a panel of cricketers complaining about the film.
Two women who are watching television debate donating blood before one declares the other is a loony and needs a new brain. They order a robotic brain from Curry's. Then at a blood blank a man tries really hard to donate urine to the point of holding a doctor's blood hostage. Then a wife swapping competition.
Back to the awards. It's the final award, the credits of the year award goes to the cast of the Dirty Vicar sketch, which is then presented.
Tropes:
- Ambiguously Gay: Mr. & Mrs. & Mrs. Zambizi are a woman (Mrs. Zambizi) married to either a transvestite man, or another woman who occasionally acts like a man (Mr. & Mrs. Zambizi).
- Bedmate Reveal: Done with Arthur Briggs, a man who made the credits but sadly cannot be here tonight because he is asleep at home with another man.
- Biting-the-Hand Humor: "But right now, here's a rotten old BBC programme."
- Buxom Beauty Standard: The Dirty Vicar finds the "little serving maid with the great big knockers" to be the best of all the servants.
- Continuity Nod: Richard Baker reappears as himself, saying "Lemon curry?"
- Either/Or Title: "Grandstand (or: The British Showbiz Awards)".
- Fake-Out Opening: David Hamilton, continuity announcer for London's then-weekday ITV station Thames Television (and predecessor ABC Weekend TV), appears at the beginning following the Thames ident, making it appear you'd tuned to the wrong channel (or, for anyone outside London, getting their feed somehow). "But right now, here's a rotten old BBC programme.
" - Have I Mentioned I Am Sexually Active Today?: "Dirty Vicar" sketch, anyone?
- No Title: The "Showbiz Awards" episode makes no mention of Monty Python's Flying Circus at all; the "It's" intro goes straight into the "Showbiz Awards" opening, and the end credits are in the context of the wife-swapping competition.
- Parody Assistance: The actual Thames ident used during this time period is shown at the start of the episode, followed immediately by a special appearance by Thames presenter David Hamilton.
- Time Marches On: The "New Brain" sketch has captions pointing out that the sketch was written before currency decimalization, so whenever a monetary value in the old pound/shilling/pence system is mentioned, the caption translates it to the modern value.
- You Bastard!: Shaw says this in the Oscar Wilde skit when the others blame him for insulting the Prince.
