Will you stop whinging, Eddie! Nobody likes sprouts!
Then why are we having them then?
BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS!
The Christmas episode. Eddie is woken at 3:30 AM by Santa Claus — Richie in an unconvincing costume, to be more precise — and, after Richie has placed his own stockings (stuffed with the ingredients for Christmas lunch) and Eddie's (a tiny baby sock), proceeds to hang him. After they exchange their presents (a used toilet roll with a picture of Sue Carpenter, dubbed a 'play-telescope', and a horrendous self-portrait), Richie prepares lunch, chopping off his index finger in the process, while Eddie decorates the flat.
After incinerating their Christmas tree (a geranium), the guests, Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog, arrive. The lunch however, proves to be literally inedible: gravy is used to substitute the sherry, the potatoes are hard enough to break plates, the turkey has been carbonised and the vodka margarine used to replace the brandy butter is so flammable Eddie is forced to use the fire extinguisher on it.
While playing charades, the doorbell rings. Richie opens the door to find a baby, abandoned on the steps. He takes it in, ignoring Eddie's demands to get rid of it. Moved because the baby has to spend his first Christmas without family, Spudgun, Dave and Eddie (wearing paper crowns) give the baby their Christmas presents: a box of Terry's All Gold chocolate, a Frankenstein mask and a bottle of aftershave called "Grrr". Noticing the parallels with the birth of Christ, Richie (a virgin) realises that they are witnessing the Second Coming, and declares himself the mother of Christ.
However, the arrival of their landlord, who reveals the baby in question is his grandson, who he left on the doorstep for Richie and Eddie to look after (he didn't bother to ask because he knew they would refuse), shatters Richie's delusions. He and Eddie still declare their Christmas a success, though, because the baby's mother turns up and starts breast-feeding right in front of them.
Tropes
- All Men Are Perverts: A given with Richie and Eddie anyway, but they are very excited at the prospect of seeing a woman expose one her breasts in their flat, even if it is just so she can feed her baby.Richie and Eddie: [both excited] MERRY BLOODY CHRISTMAS!!
- Away in a Manger: Parodied when Richie finds a baby left on the doorstep of the flat during their Christmas party. True to form, following a few similarities to the Nativity story (while wearing paper crowns, Spudgun, Hedgehog and Eddie present the baby with gifts of All Gold, Frankenstein and "Grrr") he lets this go completely to his head. Convinced that he's the "Mother of God" and has maintained his virginity because he's "better than everyone else in the world", he threatens that the other characters will be sent to Hell by his 'husband'. It turns out it's the grandson of their landlord, who left him on the step because he couldn't be bothered dealing with the kid himself.
- Blasphemous Boast: Richie declares himself as the Virgin Mary. He was half right...
- Christmas Episode: Broadcast in October, though.
- Comically Inept Healing: Eddie's way of applying a tourniquet to Richie is to strangle him (which does work, to be fair). He then reattaches Richie's finger back to his hand with a stapler.
- Comically Missing the Point:Richie: First aid, first aid! What's the procedure for someone who's just cut their finger off?
Eddie: Errm ... I think they bleed to death in half an hour. - Discreet Drink Disposal: While Richie, Spudgun and Hedgehog drink their Christmas toast of a glass of gravy, Eddie throws it over his shoulder.
- Doorstop Baby: One gets left outside the flat and the gang think he's the Second Coming of Jesus. Turns out to be the landlord's grandson.
- Dreaming of a White Christmas: Naturally doesn't happen, leaving Richie to wonder, "Why doesn't it ever snow? You can't build a drizzle man, can you? Or play drizzle balls?"
- Drunk with Power: Richie starts making up Commandments after declaring himself the mother of Christ.
- A God Am I: Richie declares himself the mother of Christ, thinking he gave birth to him.Richie: It's not just my flat now, it's my universe! My name is now ... Richard Mary! And you have to do everything I say or you'll all go to Hell!
- Groin Attack: Richie electrocutes Eddie's testicles for slamming his finger in the window.
- High-Pressure Blood: After Richie cuts of his finger, a fountain of blood comes out of the stump.
- Lethal Chef: Richie manages to completely destroy Christmas lunch.
- Oh, Crap!: Richie, when he realises he just cut his finger off.
- Overdrawn at the Blood Bank: Subverted. Although Richie is losing blood at an alarming rate after he cuts his finger off, Eddie is quick to point out that he will bleed to death in half an hour.
- Pet the Dog: Faced with an abandoned baby on their doorstep, the guys decide to take care of it and try to give it a happy Christmas. This is also the only episode that doesn't end with something horrible happening to Richie or Eddie.
- Rube Goldberg Hates Your Guts: Eddie sets up a complicated trap that's activated by putting a bottle of sherry on a table, which ultimately results in Richie being hanged.
- Running Gag: Even though neither he nor Eddie like them, Richie insists on sprouts because it's Christmas. When Hedgehog hears that there are sprouts for dinner, he realises it must be Christmas after all.
- Stock "Yuck!": The traditional British joke about Brussels Sprouts for Christmas.Eddie: Oh not sprouts! I hate sprouts.Richie: Oh will you stop whinging, Eddie. Nobody likes sprouts.Eddie: Why are we having them, then?Richie: Because it's Christmas!
- Take That!: Richie tells Eddie that he's funnier than Jonathan Ross. Eddie replies, "But he's not funny".
- Understatement: After Richie cuts his finger off.Richie: Bloody hell! Bloody hell, Eddie! Help! HELP!
Eddie: Why? What have you done?
Richie: Well, I think that's fairly obvious, don't you?
Eddie: Oh! Oh, yeah, I see it! Ooh... that's a bit of a nasty nick, isn't it? - Virgin Power: When they mistake the baby for Jesus, Rick thinks his virginity makes him the new Mary and threatens that he'll get God to send the others to Hell.
