Title: Vacation
Directed by: Noam Pitlik
Written by: Frank Duncan and Jeff Stein
Air Date: September 27, 1979
Previous: The Photographer
Next: The Brother
Guest Starring: Bruce Kirby, Ben Slack, Jack Bernardi
"Vacation" is the third episode of the sixth season of Barney Miller.
The 12th Precinct is getting phone calls about robberies, and going out to respond, and finding nothing happening. They are concerned that there might be a plot afoot to ambush and shoot cops that respond to the calls. However, when they finally nab the caller, he turns out to be a harmless little old man. It seems that the man, Mr. Gilman, was considering moving to the area covered by the 12th Precinct and was testing how fast and well the police respond to emergency calls.
In the second wacky case, two men are men are arrested on mutual charges of assault and creating a public disturbance after they got in a fight. It turns out they are brothers, Frank and Leo Rossman. Why were they fighting? Leo has a kidney disease and needs a transplant, and Frank, who is a perfect match, doesn't want to hand his kidney over.
Meanwhile, Barney puts up a vacation schedule and wants his men to put in their requests. Levitt is reluctant to put in for any vacation at all lest one of the other uniforms get his precious time as a plainclothes detective, while Harris and Dietrich fight about the schedule—Dietrich has booked a Goethe festival for the same time that Harris has reservations at a ski resort.
Tropes:
- Alter Kocker: Everyone is surprised when the mysterious caller isn't some terrorist but rather Mr. Gilman, a genial old Jewish man who was simply testing the response times of the 12th.
- Billy Needs an Organ: One of the two wacky crime plots, as Leo Rossman wants a kidney, and Frank's refusal to give one leads to a fist fight.
- The Dandy: Harris is offended when he finds out that, on a scale of 1 to 10, Mr. Gilman rated him a "6" for "personal appearance."
- Glasses Pull: Levitt is pestering Capt. Miller about his part-time plainclothes position. Barney is putting on his reading glasses and telling Levitt that his job is safe when Levitt says, "May I take that as a verbal contract sir?". Barney whips his glasses back off and Levitt takes that as a signal to beat a hasty retreat.
- Immediate Self-Contradiction: Leo Rossman says that he promises he'll never ask Frank again and won't bother him anymore. He then asks for a kidney, Frank says "no", and Leo immediately bleats "What do you mean no?".
- Mathematician's Answer: As Harris and Dietrich yell at each other about their conflicting plans, Barney asks Dietrich "Where are you going?". The phone rings and Dietrich says, "Over there, I'll be right back."
- Pun: Dietrich says being called out to a fake robbery is "sort of police-us interruptus."
- Stealth Insult. A specialty of Sgt. Harris. Harris, being very snobby, says Barney wouldn't know Jackson, WY because he doesn't ski. Barney says, "How do you know I don't ski?", and Harris says "Well, I just assumed it."
- Walking Transplant: Discussed Trope. Leo Rossman starts putting the full-court press on Wojo for a kidney. Wojo says to Barney, "I feel like a used organ store."
