Tim: I'm going to discuss two kinds of sanders. Your belt sander is perfect for the rough sanding. Your orbital, or vibrating, sander is smaller and perfect for putting in your pocket, right, Al?
Al: I wouldn't know, Tim.
Tim: I am kidding about that. Never, ever put electrical devices in your pants.
"Beep beep, back the truck up."
"Tim, that's not my screwdriver."
While babysitting Uncle Marty's two girls:
Tim: I thought that was a children's book.
Jill:The Secret Garden is a children's book. You had My Secret Garden. I don't even want you to read that book!
Tim, bringing sick Jill a selection of "doctor" themed movies: "Dr. No, Doctor Dolittle, Doctor Naughty and the Night Nurses... oops."
From the same episode, "Super Bowl Fever":
Mark: Mom's really sick! She keeps moaning really loud and calling your name!
Tim: Always my dream.
The episode "The Naked Truth", when Tim accidentally sees his sister-in-law in the shower, is full of this.
From the pilot:
Jill: Tim, do you ever listen to me? It was the last thing that I said in bed to you last night.
Tim: No, I believe, if you recall, the last thing you said to me in bed last night was "no!"
Jill: You're thinking of tonight.
From "Satellite on a Hot Tin Roof":
Jill: Tim, what do you actually know about installing a satellite dish?
Tim: It's simple. Mount it, point it straight up. Any man could do that.
Jill: Yeah, but it has to stay up longer than ten seconds.
After a night of making up...
Mark: Brad and Randy told me what you were doing last night. Jill: ...they did? Mark: Yeah! Who won the somersault competition? Tim: ...your mom. Mark: Yay mom! (Mark leaves) Tim: You did win, didn't you? Jill: Yeah. Twice.