We could've just called this "Pat Says Something Funny" and called it a day, but there's far more...
"You are at the Shopper's Bazaar!"
—Mike Lawrence opens the 1973 pilot.
"Quickly, or we'll be into Search For Tomorrow."
—Chuck Woolery tries to hurry a player along, 1973. note
"A spinet piano, a trip to Las Vegas, a Muskin Dune Cat, a 24-inch color TV, a 1975 automobile, or a Snark sailboat! (spinning Wheel zooms into shot via the chroma-key center) These are just some of the many exciting prizes available. Total retail value of all these prizes: (money graphic appears) $20,130! Yours to buy today on (logo appears) Wheel of Fortune! (a few seconds later, as the Wheel zooms back in to the player area) And now, here's your host: Edd Byrnes!"
—Charlie O'Donnell's opening spiel for the 1974 pilots. note
"No don't guess, it's too early! Look at all the money you can make, you can make thousands of dollars! Be a gambler!"
—Edd Byrnes, after contestant Roseanne opts to solve an 11-letter puzzle with two letters showing for $1,350. note
"The prices of some of the prizes were furnished to the contestants prior to the show."
—Closing disclaimer from the shopping era (at least the 1975 premiere).
"The prices of the prizes were furnished to the contestants prior to the show and have been rounded off to the nearest dollar."
—Closing disclaimer from the shopping era (1976-79). This iteration returned on the nighttime show from October 5, 1987 through the end of Season 6, and was also used on the first Goen episode (July 17, 1989).
"The prices of the prizes were furnished to the contestants prior to the show and have been rounded off to the nearest dollar. Gift certificates do not include sales tax."
—Closing disclaimer for most of the shopping era (1979-89).
"Just look at this studio, filled with beautiful and imaginative gifts, which can be purchased today on Wheel of Fortune! Total retail value of all these prizes: more than $31,000! Now, let's meet the host of Wheel of Fortune: Chuck Woolery!"
—Charlie O'Donnell's opening spiel on June 7, 1976.
"I like to hug folks. I'm a hugger. A lot of people are handshakers; I'm a hugger. And one more thing: if you were here, I'd hug ya too!"
—Chuck Woolery addresses viewer mail on-air (June 7, 1976).
"Welcome back to Round 2 of Wheel of Fortune, top dollar value on the Wheel for this round's a thousand bucks, we've added another Bankrupt and I just can't wait to get over there and hug somebody again (lower, slightly faster) unless Gerry wins then I'm not gonna hug him."
—Chuck Woolery on June 7, 1976.
"Welcome back to On Account Playhouse."
—Pat Sajak references the abnormal amount of "on account" usage, January-February 1985 (nighttime, Milt/Fran/Stuart).
"$1,000...you know the rules, let's get on with it."
—Pat Sajak skips the entire rules spiel, January-February 1985 (nighttime, Steve/Kelli/Jim).
Pat: You have children?
Elaine: Three children, one of each.
Pat: Mm-hm. Have you had to travel a lot or-(finally dawns on him)
—A contestant catches Pat off-guard, February-June 1985 (nighttime, Jerry/Joan/Elaine).
(following a puzzle of HOME IS WHERE YOU HANG YOUR HAT)
Pat: Actually, home is where you hang your pants.
—From an episode between October 1986 and June 1989.
Pat: The special prize on the Wheel, and this is always one of my favorites when I look down and I see the word..."Bangle". Jack.
Jack Clark: Yes, that is one of your favorite words, isn't it Pat?
—From an episode during the week of March 30, 1987 (nighttime).
Pat: And you have enough for either a food dehydrator or a pig.
Eleanor: I can't go home without the pig.
—From the same episode.
"$750, top dollar value for this round... I'm supposed to read the rules here, but I'd appreciate it if you just do it in the privacy of your own home because I don't feel like it."
—Pat Sajak only skips the second half of the rules spiel this time (June 15, 1987, daytime).
"It's a Thing this time, that's our category (puzzle reveal chimes), it's a hyphenated Thing. And Vanna will...show you her hyphen."
—Pat Sajak doing some epic Getting Crap Past the Radar, January 1988 (nighttime, Marj/Paula/Denia).
"From Television City in Hollywood, one of America's most loved shows! The famous Wheel is spinning your way with lots of cash and an assortment of sumptuous prizes! And now, here's your host: Bob Goen!"
—1989-91 daytime opening spiel, spoken by Charlie O'Donnell.
"I feel like Pedro Guerrero all of a sudden."
—Bob Goen on the last CBS daytime episode (January 11, 1991), after seeing the audience do the Wave.
"From Hollywood, the famous Wheel is spinning, spinning, spinning, and the players will be winning, winning, winning! Because there's lots of cash and some fabulous prizes just waiting to be won on Wheel of Fortune! With our host, Bob Goen, and our hostess, Vanna White!"
—The final (known) daytime opening, spoken by Charlie O'Donnell.
"I'd like to buy an umlaut."
—"Weird Al" Yankovic being himself during Music Stars Week, May 1994.
"We had a tragedy here at Wheel, by the way-I accidentally dropped our printed rules of our new category on a stagehand and killed him."
—Pat Sajak makes a pretty morbid joke about the then-relatively-new Megaword (October 7, 1994).
"Yes, it's Megaword. Just our way of saying Happy Holidays."
—Pat Sajak pokes fun at the "great" Christmas gift for the players and viewers (December 22, 1994).
(the puzzle is a Megaword: OXIDIZED)
Contestant: (after a whole bunch of wrong letters) Y!
Pat: A very good question.
(later in the round, after more lost turns)
Pat: Akin to a root canal, isn't it?
Pat: Put down those remotes, you people!
—From a very infamous round on March 15, 1995.
Pat: (after he and Vanna voice a couple of concerns about the show) What are we gonna gripe about tomorrow?
Vanna White: (happy-sounding) I don't know!
Pat: See, we're finding flaws in this show! Just because it's a big hit doesn't mean it doesn't have flaws!
—From June 1, 1995.
"We're back for another season, if you can believe it-this is 14, right? Any T-shirts this season? (Charlie laughs) No, that's it? I thought...maybe the Goodwill Games were coming up."
—Pat Sajak makes fun of the Olympic T-shirt promotions done during Season 13 (September 2, 1996).
"Charlie, put down that Viagra espresso, it's time for our Jackpot round!"
—Pat Sajak gets crap past the radar again, circa 1997.
"Two things you should know: we haven't done anything yet and we're not that good."
—Pat Sajak tells it like it is after the New York audience goes nuts for him and Vanna (November 8, 1999).
(during an interview with Kristina, a sales rep for "a major beer company" who has three sisters)
Pat: Four girls...
Kristina: Four girls, my poor daddy.
Pat: Are you the only one in the beer business?
Kristina: So far. (Pat laughs a bit) They all drink, but I only sell.
Pat: (after laughing for a bit) Socially.
Pat: (looking at the camera) They're not sitting in front of the-
Kristina: They're just supporting my retirement.
Pat: I'm just picturing your family in front of the set with a six-pack now, I don't know...
Kristina: That would be accurate.
(Pat loses it)
Pat: Well, frankly I'm a little jealous.
—Pat gets more than he bargained for near the end of Season 28 (June 3, 2011).
"So guess what? I GET THE MONEY!"
—Pat Sajak notes the silver lining after all three players give wrong answers for the $3,000 Toss-Up GIRL SCOUT TROOP (November 21, 2013).