"When you have absolute dominion over the insect kingdom, you tend to think every problem is just a matter of finding the right volume of bees to throw at it."
"Lovie returns to Tampa after spending five years there as an assistant in the late 90s, helping to perfect the Tampa 2 defense, which is the most annoying defense in the history of football. It is a boring defense that invites offenses to go up and down the field seven yards at a time, and it will crush your will to live no matter which side you are cheering for. Regardless of what the offense is doing, you can be sure that Lovie will make absolutely NO adjustment to his defense whatsoever. Hey Coach, they're lining up trips right! TAMPA 2. Hey Coach, they're gonna pound the ball up the middle! TAMPA 2. Hey Coach, they've imported space cyborgs to literally fly the ball up the field! TAMPA 2. The Tampa 2 sucks."
—Drew Magary, "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Tampa Bay Buccaneers"
Jay: So, they're shooting him with positively-charged slime, and they're shooting the painting with the proton packs. What is this—? What is this doing?
Rick: It defeats evil, Jay.
Jay: They're just lassos, basically! They're like lassos for ghosts!
Rich: They could've come up with something clever, y'know. They could've thrown, like, turpentine on the painting, and that would've defeated Vigo. And that would've been mildly clever.
Mike: But that wouldn't have involved them shooting their proton packs.
Jay: Yeah, you have to have them shooting their proton packs even if it doesn't make any sense, just because they're Ghostbusters, and that's what they do.
I require a reminder as to why raining arcane destruction is not an appropriate response to all of life's indignities. Quickly, please, before they are out of range.
— Vaarsuvius, The Order of the Stick
As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero.
— Vaarsuvius, The Order of the Stick
Hey, you know what really gets under my skin? Proverbially, of course? A century of wizards looking down their damn noses at me. Energy Drain! I know people think I'm stupid. Because I'm not a wizard. Because I get bored easily. Because I have no interest in strategy or tactics or contingency planning. Energy Drain! But see, I've learned a lot over the years since I died. A lot more than I learned during my life. And now I see that planning doesn't matter. Strategy doesn't matter. Only two things matter: Force in as great a concentration as you can manage, and style. And in a pinch, style can slide. Energy Drain! In any battle, there's always a level of force against which no tactics can succeed. For example, all I need to do is keep smacking you with Energy Drains, and soon you won't be able to cast any of your fancy spells at all. Energy Drain! Because yes, I am a sorcerer - and this magic is in my bones, not cribbed off of "Magic for Dummies." And I can keep casting the same friggin' spell at you until you roll over and die. You can have your finely-crafted watch - give me the sledgehammer to the face any day. ENERGY DRAIN!
— Xykon, The Order of the Stick
"It's like I know all the combos in the game but he just keeps hitting the A button!"
— Gibbs, Titan Maximum
I'm going to fix this like I fix every other problem in my life: by whipping everybody within a five-hundred-yard radius!
— Hank Ishtar, Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series
Usagi /draws her Scepter. "Well, I might as well try this sucker. Though goodness knows how I'm supposed to 'cleanse' a pile of rocks."
<< Usagi : Cast > Halation : Rubble >>
< Rubble destroyed! Plesiosaurs freed! >
Black Adam, the Knight Templar madman with the same powers as Captain Marvel, is rampaging around and slaughtering the planet. The whole thing.
Natasha Irons: "What are we supposed to do now?"
John Henry Irons (Steel): "Grab your hammer."
Thief: Okay, this should be simple enough. I can steal anything that isn't nailed down or on fire. I'm dealing with neither of these things now. This is just an incorporeal force locked inside an arcane orb of solid crystal by magical forces beyond my comprehension while the embodiment of death itself looms over my soon to be corpse.
Ajak: Wait. Are you trying to say... the backup strategy of the great warrior god handpicked by the wise Athena herself to save all the pantheons and the world of men... is to find the enemy... and to hit him?
Hercules: What do you want from me? I punch stuff, it falls down. That's the only "strategy" I've ever needed.
— The Incredible Hercules #119
"Like most of life's problems, this one can be solved by bending!"
— Bender, Futurama "The Deep South"
"I will cut you with my hammer. And Hammers don't usually cut, so try to imagine how much of a long and painful process this will be. ...And it's made of wood, so you'll probably get splinters."
"Once you build the galaxy's biggest hammer, someone will always start looking for nails."
— Admiral Koris, Mass Effect 2
"[Thor] wished [working out emotional issues] was something he could fix by smashing it with Mjolnir, but he supposed that that kind of thinking was what made this so difficult to begin with."
—Narration, Unto Death, Chapter 5
When the only tool you have is a chainsaw, every problem looks like hours of fun.
Buffy: "Why don't I just put a stake through her heart?"
Giles: "She's not a vampire."
Buffy: "You'd be surprised how many things that'll kill."
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "The Wish"
"I couldn't think of one clever way to stop this guy, so I just trusted in mindless violence"
— Cliff Steele, Doom Patrol
Brick: Explain it to me again, Mordy.
Mordecai: (sigh) Like I said, instead of punching, I prefer to keep my distance from my target, pick my moment, then kill them with a single, well-placed shot.
Brick: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You lost me at "instead of punching."