Quotes / Ugly Guy, Hot Wife

Falconetti (David Patrick Kelly): He couldn't handle that I won Claire and he didn't! I was sleepin' with her every night, doin' it with her every night...
Spoony: I like to picture Marion having sex, but the mental image of him being there really ruins it.
Noah Antwiler, Let's Riff Ripper

"How the fuck do you always have, like, two good-looking girls who want you? You're the most hideous fucking chud I've ever met, and you always have a pair of girls fighting over you."
Randal, Clerks II

(Upon meeting Human Acorn Dan's hot girlfriend Miya-miya) "No way!"

"When the girl looks like that and her husband's so fat, that's immoral..." (To the tune of "That's Amore")
A gondolier seranades The Simpsons

Jessica Rabbit: He makes me laugh.

Ben: So, Gayle and Jerry?
Chris: I've thought about it a lot, there's no logical explanation.

"I am good-looking enough for both of us, I theenk!"

Phoebe (To Chandler): Oh! Oh! But, you know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys... you could be one of those guys.

Exploring the local area, they find Mars populated by middle-aged men and space bimbos with IQ's of 200+.
— Review of Flight to Mars (1951)