Quotes / The Pornomancer

You know the guy who can pick up any girl? I'm him. On crack.

— Nick Naylor, Thank You for Smoking

Mickey Smith: (admiringly) So, that Doctor, eh?
Rose Tyler: I don't know what you're talking about.
Mickey: Well, Madame de Pompadour, Sarah Jane Smith, Cleopatra...
Rose: He mentioned her once.
Mickey: Yeah, but he called her "Cleo".

— Doctor Who, "The Girl in the Fireplace"

The last time I was sentenced to death, I ordered four hyper-vodkas for my breakfast. All a bit of a blur after that. Woke up in bed with both my executioners. Lovely couple. They stayed in touch! Can't say that about most executioners.

— Jack Harkness, Doctor Who, "The Doctor Dances"

His biggest greeting was the screams of about a half-dozen suspected prostitutes awaiting arraignment in the rear of the corridor outside the courtroom.

— Rochester Democrat and Chronicle on David Bowie's drug bust. 1976

Women sometimes behaved oddly round him. Once when we were walking down Park Avenue, a large young woman came toward us from the opposite direction; quickly, he tucked his chin into his collar to hide those arctic blue eyes. He also increased his pace. 'Keep moving,' he whispered as we passed her. Then there was a crash behind us. 'Don't look around,' he said, looking round; then he broke into a run. 'What happened?' I asked. 'She's fainted,' he said and leapt into a taxicab.

— Gore Vidal on Paul Newman, Point to Point Navigation

"Boy…friend? What is a boy friend?" asked a confused Leonardo DiCaprio from high atop a Jenga-like tower of 27 nameless naked models.

—DListed

If you were born after 1990, there's a 17 percent chance that Shawn Kemp is your biological father. He impregnates so many women that if we could convince him to fuck trees, he could stabilize deforestation.

—Seanbaby

Brosnan is a good Bond. Not a great Bond, but a good Bond. Last outing they tried to make him more the cool guy than the sexist pig. T.W.I.N.E. heralds a hark back to the '50s, when all Bond had to do was cast an eye across a heaving boob and it was between his teeth inside a minute.

—Chris Parry on The World Is Not Enough

Solid Snake is one of the few videogame characters who actually meets human women, and he manages to flirt with and win over each of them, despite their being psychologically conditioned to hate the opposite gender, or trying to kill him secretly. Or, trying to kill him openly! Typical women, am I right guys? ...He’s on a mission to save the world, but he still has time to seduce every female he meets.

—Terry Wolf on Metal Gear

R.I.P. Nelson Frazier. In related news, Trojan and Durex have filed for bankruptcy.

— Wrestlecrap, "The Return of Virgil - Who?"

I just have to have you now. You're coming with me. I get to be the aggressor. I'm making this happen. Get over here.

—Cindy Margolis

Careful. It's hotter than a Fox News weather skank.

—Ned Flanders, The Simpsons, "Midnight Rx"

Santo's first and only thought on seeing a semi-naked woman waiting for him is "This must be for me!" and he was so famous that even in real life he would have been right.

—Cracked, "The 12 Best Moments from Mexico's Least Subtle Monster Movie"

Despite last week's woes, the Braves still sport (scoring) numbers that would (even) make Christie Brinkley blush.

—Al King, Braves Travel to New England with Reputation, The Indiana Gazette, November 2, 1984

I give men assertive training out of bed and they give me more assertive training in bed.

— Suzy Chaffee

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