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Recurring
- [opening] "Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Total Biscuit."
- [when beginning a "WTF Is…?" video] "I'm here to ask and answer one simple question: W-T-F is [insert game title here]?"
- [beginning the Co-Optional Podcast] "Welcome to The Co-Optional Podcast. We do occasionally talk about video games."
- "Behold: the worst [subject] in history."
- [messes up while talking] "…Bleagh! Try again."
- "What?!"
- "…No."
- "No, no, no!"
- "Bollocks!"
- "Of course."
- "…Well, this sucks."
- [in closing] "Thank you for watching, folks. I'll see you next time."
