Quotes: The Coroner Doth Protest Too Much
"As you all know, this afternoon, the bone fell out of Mel's hair and beat him to death."
I assume it was suicide, Doctor? Doctor: (deadpan)
Yes, I imagine so. It's quite clear that Frederick brought the car into the house, ran himself over with it, and put it back outside before he finally expired.
It has been said that most merchants die not of lawbreaking or lack of coin but of running afoul of a cabal—one they belong to, two or more they belong to that end up having conflicting aims or activities, or just one they happen to be in the way of. Cabal troubles, even more than angry victims of swindles, are the reason so many merchants mysteriously fall out of high windows, fall 'asleep' on streets where heavily laden wagons can roll over them, or go for swims in handy harbors while unconscious.
Was it...suicide? Sheriff:
Never heard of anyone pulling their own spinal cord out before. Off the record, I'd have to say no. No...all in all, I'd say this was natural causes. Steve:
Natural causes?! Sheriff:
You can't live without a spinal cord, son. Nothing unnatural about that.
I didn't even know France had a leader. Sure it wasn't suicide? Yeah, committing suicide with a sniper rifle would be hard, but not impossible if you had a five-hundred yard length of string to work the trigger.
But the worst was yet to come! While King Jon the Mostly Absent and Skip the Other High Priest laughed off matters of justice that occupied their own domains, Colin the Rogue King was found by his guards to have suffered a terminally fatal mountaineering accident in his living room. Colin II the Rogue King's Son grew suspicious, rightly believing that his father would never have attempted to throw himself upon so many climbing spikes while tied to a chair buried in a vat full of concrete suspended from the ceiling—at least not while he was sober. Colin II began a spy operation to learn the identity of the person who supplied the climbing spikes, and soon found to his surprise that it had been the king of Ghoere, His Royal Highness Darth Adolf Saddam Nikita Khomeini "It's Nothing Personal" Bates I, currently occupied in building roads across Ghoere so his soldiers could more easily reach and oppress the populace in the manner to which they were accustomed.
So it was that, two weeks later, the king of Ghoere climbed out of his royal shower to answer the ringing of the royal semaphore, only to fall on a bar of royal soap and permanently disfigure himself on the large number of caltrops and land mines scattered around the bathroom floor. About a hundred miles west of the palace, Colin II hung up the semaphore in disappointment and consoled himself with a banana split and plans for a more successful but much less expensive future terminal surprise for Ghoere's king.
— Birthright Campaign: The Official Playtest Notes
He died in a car accident. (Idi Amin in actuality shot the archbishop)
In a car accident?
I said he died in a car accident! I called you here to fix the report to show that he died from internal injuries!
No, I can't.
You can't!? You fix the reports like I told you, or there'll be a report out on you that you died of heart-attack, understand!?
There were a lot of ways to commit suicide. Walking in the night-time alleyways of the Shades was suicide. Asking for a short beer in a dwarf bar was suicide. Saying "Got rocks in your head?" to a troll was suicide. You could commit suicide very easily, if you weren't careful.