Quotes / Real Dreams are Weirder

"There can be comparatively little question that the place ordinarily occupied by dreams in literature is peculiarly unreal and unsatisfying. When the hero tells us that 'last night he dreamed a dream', we are quite certain from the perfect and decorative character of the dream that he made it up at breakfast. The dream is so reasonable that it is quite impossible. An angel came to him and opened before him a scroll inscribed with some tremendous moral truth; a knight in armour rode past him declaring some ideal quest; the phantom of his mother arose to warn him from some imminent sin. Dreams like these are (with occasional exceptions) practically unknown in the lawless kingdoms of the night. A dream is scarcely ever rounded to express faultlessly some faultless ideas. An angel might indeed open a scroll before the dreamer, but it would probably be inscribed with some remark about excursion trains to Brighton; a knight in armour might ride by him, but it would be impossible to deny that the most salient fact about that warrior was the fact that he was wearing three hats; his mother might indeed appear to the dreamer, and give him the tenderest and most elevated counsel, but it would be impossible for the loftiest ethical comfort to entirely obscure the fact that her nose was growing longer and longer every minute. Dreams have a kind of hellish ingenuity and energy in the pursuit of the inappropriate; the most omniscient and cunning artist never took so much trouble or achieved such success in finding exactly the word that was right or exactly the action that was significant, as this midnight lord of misrule can do in finding exactly the word that is wrong and exactly the action that is meaningless."

— G. K. Chesterton, ''Dreams'', 1901

Claptrap: I had the weirdest dream last night.
Brock: Did it involve Charles Manson, Rita Moreno, and a duck?
Claptrap: No, but—
Brock: Then it wasn't the weirdest dream.

— Poker Night 2

"I wish I had normal dreams, like sugary birds made of candy knocking people off chocolate platforms or something."

— Minato Arisato, My Life Is A Goddamn Mess

"Doctor, every night I have the strangest dreams
Doctor, listen to me, tell me what this means
First I'm goin' shoppin' in my underwear
Then all of a sudden I'm floating in midair
My lips fall off and everybody starts to stare
Donuts and hot dogs are flyin' everywhere!

Now Doctor, wait a minute, you ain't heard nothin' yet
Next comes the part that I won't ever forget
Now I'm bein' followed by these Russian spies
They give me some velcro and then order a fries
Suddenly I'm bowling on the Starship Enterprise
I fall down a hole, and that's when I realize

I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
Night after night, after night, after night
All right!"

— "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Stuck in a Closet with Vanna White"

Sylvester: In my dream, my boxers were made of pimento loaf. What does that mean?

Toby: That you're messed up.

— Scorpion

Louis wondered briefly if Pascow had just ceased to exist. Figures in dreams often did just that. So did locations —first you were standing nude by a swimming pool with a raging hardon, discussing the possibilities of wife swapping with, say, Roger and Missy Dandridge; then you blinked and you were climbing the side of a Hawaiian volcano. Maybe he had lost Pascow because this was the beginning of Act II.

—Pet Sematary

"I hate dreaming. Because when you sleep, you wanna sleep. Dreaming is work, you know. There I am in a comfortable bed, the next thing you know I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord."

—Mitch Hedberg

You ever have weird dreams? Really weird dreams, like you're in your pajamas in the desert being chased by dick-headed ostriches?

—Joueur du Grenier on, well, Weird Dreams (yes, it really does feature unfortunately-designed enemies)

That night Strange did a sort of magic he had never done before. He attempted to penetrate the dreams of the Neapolitan company. In this he was perfectly successful.

One man dreamt that he was chased up a tree by a vicious Roast Leg of Lamb. He sat in the tree weeping with hunger while the Leg of Lamb ran round and round and thrust its knob of bone at him in a menacing way. Shortly afterwards the Leg of Lamb was joined by five or six spiteful Boiled Eggs who whispered the most dreadful lies about him.

Another man dreamt that, as he was walking through a little wood, he met his dead mother. She told him that she had just looked down a rabbit hole and seen Napoleon Buonaparte, the King of England, the Pope and the Czar of Russia at the bottom. The man went down the rabbit hole to see, but when he arrived at the bottom he discovered that Napoleon Buonaparte, the King of England, the Pope and the Czar of Russia were in fact all the same person, a huge blubbering great man as big as a church with rusty iron teeth and burning cartwheels for eyes. "Ha!" sneered this ogre. "You did not think we were really different people, did you?" And it reached into a bubbling cauldron that stood nearby and pulled out the dreamer's little son and ate him.

In short the Neapolitans' dreams, though interesting, were not very illuminating.

—Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell

Noctis: Finally, I can get some sleep.
3 minutes later
Gladiolus: Hey, wake up, Noct.
Noctis: Why are we an anime now?
5 episodes later
Noctis: Well, that was weird.
[later]
Prompto: We have to drive a car and follow [Adryn].
Noctis: Guess I can get some sleep again.
2 minutes later
Noctis: Where am I?
Warrior of Light: Hi, w-
1 entirely different game later (and also 30 momentos grinding)
Noctis: What the hell just happened?
[later]
Noctis: Finally, I can take a nap again.
1 minute later
Noctis: Where am I?
Heihachi Mishima: Hello there.
1 other entirely different game later (and some fights against a walking bear and a panda)
Noctis: What is wrong with my dream?
[later]
Noctis: At least I can sleep again.
30 seconds later
Noctis: Where am I?
Sarah: Hello there.
1 collab with unreleased game later (with female character who has more chemistry with Noctis in 30 minutes than Noct’s actual girlfriend in 30 hours)
Noctis: Why does this keep happening?
[later]
Prompto: All we need to do is to get to the boat.
Noctis: That means I can sleep again.
10 seconds later
Noctis: What the hell is happening to me?
1 demake of this game later (Also would you like to purchase nintendo switch version?)
Noctis: I will never sleep again.

— Final Fantasy XV in a nutshell

Someone has once said that nightmares help the brain prepare for dangerous situations. Though I wonder a little why I should be prepared for a two-headed teacher chasing me just as I'm late for the bus.

—Tatu, Tatu and Patu's Weird Sleep Book