"I want you to know that I'm not crying, my eyes are red because I was in the back smoking a joint with Van Dam. I have a need in my heart to thank Tod Gordon for giving me the chance to be creative and to book for you crazy bastards! I have a need to thank that man, Ron Buffone and his partner Charlie Bruzzese for sticking with us and sitting in a TV Studio and building that TV show for you! You are the craziest bastards I have ever met in my life! I love every one of you.
("Paul E!" chants break out)
And I was gonna take the high road and just say thank you and leave. But I have something to say to you! (points to the WWE wrestlers in the balcony) You see, I've waited a long time to say this to you, Eric Bischoff! But in case you don't notice, it's not Paul Heyman with his tails between his legs going to a WCW pay-per-view...YOU ARE IN OUR HOUSE, BITCH!
("ECW!" chants break out)
Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Hide your wives, it's Edge!
("You screwed Matt!" chants break out)
Now Edge, I know nobody with a written promo has the balls to say this to you, but I have two words for you: "MATT FREAKIN' HARDY!"
("We want Matt!" chants break out as Edge corrects Heyman mouthing "That's three words, Paul!")
Well, with that—I almost forgot about you! Mr. Shoot Promo himself, bounced checks, ECW went out of business...Hey, John. On a personal note from all of us just to you, since you want to shoot, cowboy... The only reason you were WWE Champion for a year, is because Triple H didn't want to work Tuesdays!
Now, one more time for old times' sake, right there, so the whole world can see us: this ain't WCW, this ain't Monday Night RAW, this ain't SmackDown, this ain't even WWE! This, my friends, is E! C! FUCKING! W!
("Paul E!" chants break out)
And I was gonna take the high road and just say thank you and leave. But I have something to say to you! (points to the WWE wrestlers in the balcony) You see, I've waited a long time to say this to you, Eric Bischoff! But in case you don't notice, it's not Paul Heyman with his tails between his legs going to a WCW pay-per-view...YOU ARE IN OUR HOUSE, BITCH!
("ECW!" chants break out)
Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Hide your wives, it's Edge!
("You screwed Matt!" chants break out)
Now Edge, I know nobody with a written promo has the balls to say this to you, but I have two words for you: "MATT FREAKIN' HARDY!"
("We want Matt!" chants break out as Edge corrects Heyman mouthing "That's three words, Paul!")
Well, with that—I almost forgot about you! Mr. Shoot Promo himself, bounced checks, ECW went out of business...Hey, John. On a personal note from all of us just to you, since you want to shoot, cowboy... The only reason you were WWE Champion for a year, is because Triple H didn't want to work Tuesdays!
Now, one more time for old times' sake, right there, so the whole world can see us: this ain't WCW, this ain't Monday Night RAW, this ain't SmackDown, this ain't even WWE! This, my friends, is E! C! FUCKING! W!
—Paul Heyman shoots on the WWE Superstars, ECW One Night Stand 2005note
"Ladies and gentlemen. My name is Paul Heyman. And it is the greatest privilege of my career to serve as the advocate for the Beast Incarnate, Brock Lesnar! The Conqueror of the Undertaker's Streak. A Streak that lasted nearly a quarter of a century, a quarter of a century that ended in three seconds at the hands of Brock Lesnar. I understand how you feel; you're in shock, which shows me your lack of intelligence, because we hate to say we told you so but ladies and gentlemen, WE TOLD YOU SO!!! My client stood before you in this shirt. Here it is. Now, I know how difficult it is for you to read but it says (points at the words on Lesnar's shirt) 'Eat. Sleep. Break. The. Streak.' And you had the temerity to doubt the strategy of the greatest manager in sports entertainment history, Paul Heyman, or the physical credentials of the most dominant athlete in WWE ever, Brock Lesnar. Hey, let's get one thing straight: Brock Lesnar is not here to put smiles on people's faces. Brock Lesnar is here to shock the WWE Universe and put tears in the eyes of children.
But now that you know all the headlines, let's go a little bit off page and shoot from the hip, shall we? Five seconds after walking through the curtain at WrestleMania, the Undertaker collapsed. And as all the—Oh, I know, you don't want to hear this story do you? It's a little too real for you. So as all the paramedics and the doctors are panicking and there's chaos backstage, the most ruthless man that's ever had the pleasure of meeting me, the Chairman of the Board, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, left WrestleMania and rode to the hospital with the Undertaker. The Undertaker is being treated today for a severe concussion. He came this close to a broken neck, this close to a cracked skull, and the greatest thing the Undertaker ever did was not getting his shoulder up on that third F-5 because if he did, he would have had a broken neck. Brock Lesnar would have cracked his skull. Brock Lesnar was prepared to beat on the Undertaker to such a degree that the complexion of this television show would have changed tonight because Brock wasn't done until the Streak was dead.
Here's what really gets to me: when the match was over, John "Bradshaw" Layfield and those two other things that call themselves "announcers", stood up and gave a standing ovation along with 80,000 other people in the Superdome—Superdome, Hogan, not Silverdome—and gave a standing ovation to the Undertaker. Gave a standing ovation to the guy that lost the fight. Here's what I don't understand: Brock Lesnar always taught me in every fight there's a winner and a loser. Well, last night Undertaker was a LOSER! And the winner, whether you like it or not, was Brock Lesnar!!!
But since this is supposed to be the wildest crowd of the year, you should all feel empowered. Because each and every single one of you is exactly like every single member of that WWE locker room. You're all a bunch of wannabes. When Brock Lesnar walked through that curtain last night, nobody gave him a standing ovation, everybody looked down. You know why? Because nobody respected Brock Lesnar, which is fine for Brock because Brock respects nobody. He barely tolerates me! And he certainly doesn't respect someone who is going to fly in from around the world to sit here on the Monday after WrestleMania trying to get noticed on worldwide TV!
So notice this, okay. There are a lot of people in the back who sit here and say, "I could have been the one to jump from the ring to the Octagon". But Daniel Bryan never fought in an Octagon. John Cena never fought in an Octagon. The Undertaker never fought in an Octagon. You know why? They're all wannabes. Brock Lesnar is the one! There are a lot of people who wanted to be the NCAA Division 1 Heavyweight Champion, the Ultimate Fighting Champion, the Undisputed WWE Heavyweight Champion. The Rock never pulled that off; Hulk Hogan never pulled that off; "Stone Cold" Steve Austin never pulled that off. Know why? They're all wannabes. Brock Lesnar is the one!
And then you got a bunch of guys in the locker room last night coming up to me saying, "Hey Paul, I could have been the one to break the Streak; I could have beaten the Undertaker." So why didn't you? Randy Orton didn't break the Streak; Shawn Michaels didn't break the Streak; Triple H didn't break the Streak. Know why? They're all wannabes. Brock Lesnar is the one. Because Brock Lesnar is the one in twenty-one and one.
(Crowd starts a "WHAT?! chant) I'm sorry. Are you saying 'WHAT' to me? Oh, I forgot who you are. So I'll say it slowly for you: (speaks slowly) Brock...Lesnar...is...the...one...in...twenty...one...and...one.
Ladies and gentlemen, there are WWE Hall of Famers, there are legends, and there are WWE Superstars, and the key to that is that they're all plural. They're all lumped together. And then there's only one that stands head and shoulders above the rest on a platform of his own. There's only one beast incarnate. There's only one conqueror of the streak! And there's only one Brock Lesnar!!!"
But now that you know all the headlines, let's go a little bit off page and shoot from the hip, shall we? Five seconds after walking through the curtain at WrestleMania, the Undertaker collapsed. And as all the—Oh, I know, you don't want to hear this story do you? It's a little too real for you. So as all the paramedics and the doctors are panicking and there's chaos backstage, the most ruthless man that's ever had the pleasure of meeting me, the Chairman of the Board, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, left WrestleMania and rode to the hospital with the Undertaker. The Undertaker is being treated today for a severe concussion. He came this close to a broken neck, this close to a cracked skull, and the greatest thing the Undertaker ever did was not getting his shoulder up on that third F-5 because if he did, he would have had a broken neck. Brock Lesnar would have cracked his skull. Brock Lesnar was prepared to beat on the Undertaker to such a degree that the complexion of this television show would have changed tonight because Brock wasn't done until the Streak was dead.
Here's what really gets to me: when the match was over, John "Bradshaw" Layfield and those two other things that call themselves "announcers", stood up and gave a standing ovation along with 80,000 other people in the Superdome—Superdome, Hogan, not Silverdome—and gave a standing ovation to the Undertaker. Gave a standing ovation to the guy that lost the fight. Here's what I don't understand: Brock Lesnar always taught me in every fight there's a winner and a loser. Well, last night Undertaker was a LOSER! And the winner, whether you like it or not, was Brock Lesnar!!!
But since this is supposed to be the wildest crowd of the year, you should all feel empowered. Because each and every single one of you is exactly like every single member of that WWE locker room. You're all a bunch of wannabes. When Brock Lesnar walked through that curtain last night, nobody gave him a standing ovation, everybody looked down. You know why? Because nobody respected Brock Lesnar, which is fine for Brock because Brock respects nobody. He barely tolerates me! And he certainly doesn't respect someone who is going to fly in from around the world to sit here on the Monday after WrestleMania trying to get noticed on worldwide TV!
So notice this, okay. There are a lot of people in the back who sit here and say, "I could have been the one to jump from the ring to the Octagon". But Daniel Bryan never fought in an Octagon. John Cena never fought in an Octagon. The Undertaker never fought in an Octagon. You know why? They're all wannabes. Brock Lesnar is the one! There are a lot of people who wanted to be the NCAA Division 1 Heavyweight Champion, the Ultimate Fighting Champion, the Undisputed WWE Heavyweight Champion. The Rock never pulled that off; Hulk Hogan never pulled that off; "Stone Cold" Steve Austin never pulled that off. Know why? They're all wannabes. Brock Lesnar is the one!
And then you got a bunch of guys in the locker room last night coming up to me saying, "Hey Paul, I could have been the one to break the Streak; I could have beaten the Undertaker." So why didn't you? Randy Orton didn't break the Streak; Shawn Michaels didn't break the Streak; Triple H didn't break the Streak. Know why? They're all wannabes. Brock Lesnar is the one. Because Brock Lesnar is the one in twenty-one and one.
(Crowd starts a "WHAT?! chant) I'm sorry. Are you saying 'WHAT' to me? Oh, I forgot who you are. So I'll say it slowly for you: (speaks slowly) Brock...Lesnar...is...the...one...in...twenty...one...and...one.
Ladies and gentlemen, there are WWE Hall of Famers, there are legends, and there are WWE Superstars, and the key to that is that they're all plural. They're all lumped together. And then there's only one that stands head and shoulders above the rest on a platform of his own. There's only one beast incarnate. There's only one conqueror of the streak! And there's only one Brock Lesnar!!!"
Paul Heyman addresses the end of the Undertaker's streak, Raw after WrestleMania XXX
