Quotes / Nice Job Fixing It, Villain!

Fiction

Seven of Nine: The Borg once traveled back in time to stop Zefram Cochrane from breaking the warp barrier. They succeeded, but that in turn led the starship Enterprise to intervene. They assisted Cochrane with the flight the Borg was trying to prevent. Causal loop complete.
Lt. Ducane: So, in a way, the Federation owes its existence to the Borg?
Seven: You're welcome.
Star Trek: Voyager, "Relativity"

Batman: You killed my parents.
Joker: *confused* Heh? What are you talking about?
Batman: I made you, but you made me first.
Joker: *scared* Come on Bat-brain, I was a kid when I killed your parents. When I say I made you, you gotta say you made me! How childish can you get?
Batman

"By now, there's so much paranoia running wild that you got guys checking in because they think they're about to be put on knock-off, see? If you're going to be iced for ratting when you're innocent, why not make yourself guilty, and score all the rewards that go along with it?"
I shrugged at the perfect cross he was describing. It was true enough - every gang put out hits on
suspected rats, so it had to happen. You start suspecting you've been suspected, and...

General Katana: Youíre not coming back to Zeist, MacLeod.
Connor MacLeod: I never planned to.
General Katana: What do you mean?
Connor MacLeod: After all this time, I was ready to kick back, grow old, and die. Then you send those punks down here. You changed everything. And now Iím back to square one — immortal, again! So Katana, letís see who goes back to Zeist after all.

I know that although the Daleks will create havoc and destruction for millions of years, I know also that from their evil must come something good.
The Doctor, on why he doesn't wipe out the Daleks. (Not that he hasn't tried, of course.)

Messala: By what magic do you bear the name of a Consul of Rome?
Judah: You were the magician, Messala. When my ship was sunk, I saved the Consul's life.
Ben-Hur

Isn't this ironic? Here we are, all thanks to the dark magic curse you placed on Link!

Close the blast doors!
(Han and Chewie barely get through, causing the attempt to trap them to backfire.)
Open the blast doors, open the blast doors!
A random Stormtrooper, A New Hope mono mix

Villain: The city is doomed, Commander Fist Fight. I've poisoned the water supply!
Commander Fist Fight: Actually, because you poisoned the water supply, we discovered that the city's pipe infrastructure is really severely outdated. So thank you for bringing our attention to that, millions of people could've gotten really sick over the next few years. Secondly, because you snuck past the security system so easily, we found out that funds specifically for that security system were being embezzled by government officials, so we've busted a major fraud ring. And finally, the pathogen you unleashed does give people mild diarrhea, but we've found it also is a great source of Vitamin C.
Villain: Okay, whatever. Take this!
(The villain shoots Commander Fist Fight)
Commander Fist Fight: ..You fixed my shoulder!
Villain: GOD DAMN IT!

On works

"General Katana is a FUCKING idiot! ...We wouldn't even have a movie if you'd just stayed at home, played some Nintendo, and let the poor bastard drink himself to death in two years. But no, you had to go to Earth and shake his fucking tree."
Noah Antwiler, The Spoony Experiment

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