TSA Agent Dennis: NCIS? That anything like CSI?
Tony: Only if you're dyslexic.
Gibbs: Some idiot smuggled a koala onto a submarine. Grab your gear!
Kate: I can't give him Air Force One's floor plans, they're top secret!
Gibbs: Come on, Agent Todd. I saw all this in a Harrison Ford movie.
Ziva: [at the copy machine] Die, you stupid machine!
McGee: She seems unfazed.
Tony: Those are standard Mossad-style copy machine assault tactics, McGee. She's fine.
Franks: My brother and I married the same woman twice.
Franks: She was a hell of a woman, Probie!
Tony: Suspect is claiming he went to bed with one woman and woke up with another.
Abby: That happens to girls too. At night some guy seems all dark and gnarly, then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works in a bank.
Tim: I used to work at a bank.
Abby: Your tat is real. And you donít disappoint me.
Ziva: What's the matter, Tony? Afraid of a little pussy...cat?
Tony: You have thirty seconds to live, Saleem.
Saleem: You're still bound. You're lying.
Tony: I can't lie, and I didn't say I was going to be the one to kill you. Remember when I told you my boss was a sniper?
Ziva: Oh! My first time was in a weapons carrier!
Abby and McGee: Of course it was.
[after surviving a car bomb]
Tony: Boss? You remember when I said I never felt better? [Beat] I lied.
Gibbs: What seems to be the problem, Marine?
Cpl. Werth: ...
Gibbs: WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, MARINE?!
Cpl. Werth: I want to kill someone, sir!
Gibbs: Tony, it could have been us every damn day of the week. Sometimes it has been. You want to worry about something, worry about tomorrow.