Quotes / NCIS

TSA Agent Dennis: NCIS? That anything like CSI?
Tony: Only if you're dyslexic.

Kate: I can't give him Air Force One's floor plans, they're top secret!
Gibbs: Come on, Agent Todd. I saw all this in a Harrison Ford movie.
Ziva: [at the copy machine] Die, you stupid machine!
McGee: She seems unfazed.
Tony: Those are standard Mossad-style copy machine assault tactics, McGee. She's fine.

Franks: My brother and I married the same woman twice.
Gibbs: Twice?
Franks: She was a hell of a woman, Probie!

Tony: Suspect is claiming he went to bed with one woman and woke up with another.
Abby: That happens to girls too. At night some guy seems all dark and gnarly, then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works in a bank.
Tim: I used to work at a bank.
Abby: Your tat is real. And you donít disappoint me.
Ziva: What's the matter, Tony? Afraid of a little pussy...cat?

Tony: You have thirty seconds to live, Saleem.
Saleem: You're still bound. You're lying.
Tony: I can't lie, and I didn't say I was going to be the one to kill you. Remember when I told you my boss was a sniper?

Ziva: Oh! My first time was in a weapons carrier!
Abby and McGee: Of course it was.

[after surviving a car bomb]
Tony: Boss? You remember when I said I never felt better? [Beat] I lied.

Gibbs: What seems to be the problem, Marine?
Cpl. Werth: ...
Cpl. Werth: I want to kill someone, sir!

Gibbs: Tony, it could have been us every damn day of the week. Sometimes it has been. You want to worry about something, worry about tomorrow.

    Gibbs' Rules 
  1. Never Screw Over Your Partner.
    • Never let suspects stay together.
  2. Always wear gloves at a crime scene.
  3. Never be unreachable.
    • Don't believe what you're told; double check.
  4. If you have a secret, the best thing is to keep it to yourself. The second-best is to tell one other person if you must. There is no third best.
  5. You don't waste good.
  6. Never say you're sorry, it is a sign of weakness.
  7. Always be specific when you lie.
  8. Never take anything for granted.
  9. Never go anywhere without a knife.
  10. Never get personally involved on a case.
  11. When the job is done, walk away.
  12. Never date a coworker.
  13. Never, ever involve lawyers.
  14. Bend the Line, don't break it.
  15. Always work as a team.
  16. If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it.
  17. —-
  18. It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.
  19. —-
  20. Always look under.
  21. —-
  22. Never, ever bother Gibbs in interrogation.
  23. Never mess with a marine's coffee, if you want to live.
  24. —-
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  26. —-
  27. Two ways to follow someone: either they never notice you, or they only notice you.
  28. If you need help, ask.
  29. —-
  30. —-
  31. —-
  32. —-
  33. —-
  34. —-
  35. Always watch the watchers.
  36. If it feels like you're being played, you probably are.
  37. —-
  38. Your case, your lead.
  39. No such thing as a coincidence.
  40. If it feels like someone is out to get you, they are.
  41. —-
  42. Don't ever accept an apology from someone who just sucker-punched you.
  43. —-
  44. First things first, hide the women and children.
  45. Always clean up your mess.
  46. —-
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  48. —-
  49. —-
  50. —-
  51. Sometimes, you're wrong.

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