Quotes / NCIS

TSA Agent Dennis: NCIS? That anything like CSI?
Tony: Only if you're dyslexic.

Kate: I can't give him Air Force One's floor plans, they're top secret!
Gibbs: Come on, Agent Todd. I saw all this in a Harrison Ford movie.

Ziva: [at the copy machine] Die, you stupid machine!
McGee: She seems unfazed.
Tony: Those are standard Mossad-style copy machine assault tactics, McGee. She's fine.

Franks: My brother and I married the same woman twice.
Gibbs: Twice?
Franks: She was a hell of a woman, Probie!

Tony: Suspect is claiming he went to bed with one woman and woke up with another.
Abby: That happens to girls too. At night some guy seems all dark and gnarly, then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works in a bank.
Tim: I used to work at a bank.
Abby: Your tat is real. And you donít disappoint me.

Ziva: What's the matter, Tony? Afraid of a little pussy...cat?

Tony: You have thirty seconds to live, Saleem.
Saleem: You're still bound. You're lying.
Tony: I can't lie, and I didn't say I was going to be the one to kill you. Remember when I told you my boss was a sniper?
*BLAM*

Ziva: Oh! My first time was in a weapons carrier!
Abby and McGee: Of course it was.

[after surviving a car bomb]
Tony: Boss? You remember when I said I never felt better? [Beat] I Lied.

Gibbs: What seems to be the problem, Marine?
Cpl. Werth: ...
Gibbs: WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, MARINE?!
Cpl. Werth: I want to kill someone, sir!

Gibbs: Tony, it could have been us every damn day of the week. Sometimes it has been. You want to worry about something, worry about tomorrow.

McGee: [to DiNozzo] What are you in, some kind of 12-step program for recovering mysogynists?

    Gibbs' Rules 
  1. Never Screw Over Your Partner.
    • Never let suspects stay together.
  2. Always wear gloves at a crime scene.
  3. Never be unreachable.
    • Don't believe what you're told; double check.
  4. If you have a secret, the best thing is to keep it to yourself. The second-best is to tell one other person if you must. There is no third best.
  5. You don't waste good.
  6. Never say you're sorry, it is a sign of weakness.
  7. Always be specific when you lie.
  8. Never take anything for granted.
  9. Never go anywhere without a knife.
  10. Never get personally involved on a case.
  11. When the job is done, walk away.
  12. Never date a coworker.
  13. Never, ever involve lawyers.
  14. Bend the Line, don't break it.
  15. Always work as a team.
  16. If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it.
  17. —-
  18. It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.
  19. —-
  20. Always look under.
  21. —-
  22. Never, ever bother Gibbs in interrogation.
  23. Never mess with a marine's coffee, if you want to live.
  24. —-
  25. —-
  26. —-
  27. Two ways to follow someone: either they never notice you, or they only notice you.
  28. If you need help, ask.
  29. —-
  30. —-
  31. —-
  32. —-
  33. —-
  34. —-
  35. Always watch the watchers.
  36. If it feels like you're being played, you probably are.
  37. —-
  38. Your case, your lead.
  39. No such thing as a coincidence.
  40. If it feels like someone is out to get you, they are.
  41. —-
  42. Don't ever accept an apology from someone who just sucker-punched you.
  43. —-
  44. First things first, hide the women and children.
  45. Always clean up your mess.
  46. —-
  47. —-
  48. —-
  49. —-
  50. —-
  51. Sometimes, you're wrong.

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