->'''TSA Agent Dennis:''' NCIS? That anything like CSI? \\
'''Tony''': Only if you're dyslexic.

->'''Gibbs''': [[NoodleIncident Some idiot smuggled a koala onto a submarine.]] Grab your gear!

->'''Kate''': I can't give him Air Force One's floor plans, they're top secret! \\
'''Gibbs''': [[LampshadeHanging Come on, Agent Todd. I saw all this in a Harrison Ford movie.]]

->'''Ziva''': [''at the copy machine''] Die, you stupid machine! \\
'''[=McGee=]''': She seems unfazed. \\
'''Tony:''' Those are standard Mossad-style copy machine assault tactics, [=McGee=]. She's fine.

->'''Franks:''' My brother and I married the same woman twice. \\
'''Gibbs:''' Twice? \\
'''Franks:''' She was a ''hell'' of a woman, Probie!

->'''Tony:''' Suspect is claiming he went to bed with one woman and woke up with another. \\
'''Abby:''' That happens to girls too. At night some guy seems all dark and gnarly, then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works in a bank. \\
'''Tim:''' I used to work at a bank. \\
'''Abby:''' Your tat is real. And you donít disappoint me.

->'''Ziva:''' What's the matter, Tony? Afraid of a little pussy...''cat?''

->'''Tony:''' You have thirty seconds to live, Saleem. \\
'''Saleem:''' You're still bound. You're lying. \\
'''Tony:''' I can't lie, and I didn't say I was going to be the one to kill you. Remember when I told you [[ChekhovsGunman my boss]] was a sniper? \\

-> '''Ziva''': Oh! My first time was in a weapons carrier! \\
'''Abby and [=McGee=]''': Of ''course'' it was.

->[''after surviving a [[StuffBlowingUp car bomb]]''] \\
'''Tony''': Boss? You remember when I said I never felt better? [''{{Beat}}''] [[ILied I lied.]]

->'''Gibbs''': What seems to be the problem, Marine? \\
'''Cpl. Werth''': ... \\
'''Gibbs''': ''[[DrillSergeantNasty WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, MARINE?!]]'' \\
'''Cpl. Werth''': I want to kill someone, sir!

->'''Gibbs''': Tony, it could have been us every damn day of the week. Sometimes it has been. You want to worry about something, worry about tomorrow.