It is an old story,
But for me, new.
Two have the same beloved —
"It's the old, old story: Droid meets Droid, Droid becomes Chameleon, Droid loses Chameleon, Chameleon turns into Blob, Droid gets Blob back again, Blob meets Blob, Blob goes off with Blob, and Droid loses Blob, Chameleon, and Droid. How many times have we seen that story?"
—Kryten, Red Dwarf
Torn between two lovers
Feeling like a fool
Loving both of you is breaking all the rules
—Mary McGregor, "Torn Between Two Lovers"
Angela: "My worst breakup was actually two breakups. Two different men. I was in love with both of them and when things went bad they had a duel over me."
Oscar: "Yeah, Dwight and Andy. We were here."
Angela: "No, this was years ago when I was living in Ohio. John Mark and John David."
Oscar: "Angela, you had two sets of different men actually duel over you?"
A one-woman man's what I wanna be
Stay by her side so faithfully
I would if I could
But it's just no good
'Cause there's two perfect girls for me!
— Brock, "Two Perfect Girls", from the album Totally Pokémon
Abed: Mariah, my name is Abed Nadir. My associate, Troy Barnes.
Troy: Charmed, I'm sure.
Mariah: Are you the guys that keep staring at me and intermittently yelling out 'books!'?
Troy: The very same. We're both interested in taking you to the Valentines dance — but, we are also best friends with each other.
Abed: It is of utmost importance we protect that friendship from the stresses of courting you, so we're trying to be as direct and above-board about this as possible.
Troy: Will you go to the dance with one of us — and if so, which one? [Abed gestures in a 'your move' fashion to Mariah]
Mariah: ... We need to get something straight here. This is the cutest thing that's ever happened to me. [Troy and Abed high five] But — I don't know either one of you.
Abed: Give us a moment. [Troy and Abed turn away from her and discuss amongst themselves briefly] New proposal — get to know us at the dance and decide which of us you'd like to see again.
Mariah: Okay. Deal.
You know the trouble with you lot? You're in love with the wrong people!
Mrs Patmore, to Daisy, Alfred, and Ivy, Downton Abbey
Ran & Shizuki: We'd like to leave the decision to you, mother! Which one of is suitable as Tamaryu's life partner?
Seren: Hm? But when I heard your story, isn't there something off about your reasoning? The fox wants to be Tamaryu's wife. And Ran-tan wants Tamaryu as a wife.
Ran & Shizuki: Yes! ...Huh?
Seren: I knew it. Then it's settled. Fox becomes Tamaryu's wife, and Ran-tan receives Tamaryu as a wife.
Shizuki: T-Then if I receive Ran-chan as a wife, it's all fair.
Ran: Please make me happy...
Tamaryu: Let's think about this calmly! Can we all realize this story is getting even crazier!? And where's my say!?
Rakurakutei Ramen's Karin-dou 4koma (2011-05-02)
"... [T]he oldest story in the world: Two men. One woman. Trouble."
Dana Scully, The X-Files