Quotes: Lighter and Softer

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    Live-action TV 

"We're gonna fly to school each morning, we're gonna smile the entire time,
We're gonna be more happy, we're gonna finally be fine!
We're gonna get more calm and normal, we're gonna fix our state of mind,
We're gonna be less crazy, we're gonna finally be fine!"


Jay: I liked the cartoon, but I didn't like that they incorporated stuff from that cartoon into the movie. None of the Ghostbusters smoke anymore...
Rich: Well, this movie was made for the kids.
Jay: And I was a kid, and I hated that fact! It drove me nuts!

    Stand-up Comedy 

"I don't wanna hear about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Even Arnold caved in. In Terminator 2, he was all of a sudden Mr. Caring Guy, protecting the kid and hoping the earth wouldn't end. Bullshit. There was even a sequence at the end of the movie where a huge truck full of flammable liquid tears down a highway for about 3 minutes and then doesn't blow up. A sign of the times if ever there was one. Every real man knows the 1 golden rule of macho movie making: if you see a truck on screen, blow it up."

    Web Original 

"'High Velocity Impact Spatter,' by Cannibal Corpse! It’s Christmastime, which means it’s time to check in with Buffalo, New York’s finest purveyors of obscene death metal. And I have to say, I think they may be getting soft in their old age. Take a look at the track listing for 2014’s A Skeletal Domain. Sure, they’ve got their usual fun assortment of titles ('Icepick Lobotomy,' etc.), but not ONE song title referencing child abuse or sexual assault! YOU’VE CHANGED, MAN. If the PC lobby can get to Cannibal Corpse, they can get to anyone."

"'Stevie Richards' is actually the Shawn Michaels of an alternate dimension. In his universe, "Stevie" (nee Michaels) was still a talented worker; but he was also a pleasant, down-to-earth guy. He avoided drugs. He shunned dick moves. He was never "saved/born again" (as he was never forced to seek salvation from addiction).

A fantastic chain of coincidences (too long to be covered here) left him stranded in our world. Stevie was forced to abandon his old identity — but he couldn't abandon his love of wrestling."
Taimapedia, "He'll show you (how to upgrade your phone)!"

"Seriously, Brock Lesnar is next to a dude dressed up in a rabbit suit on wwe.com.

How is this company still in business?"

"As for Henry Winkler...it's difficult to watch how far down the ladder he's taken Fonzie (with the "help" of the lazy writers and all the special interest groups that over time turned the once-dangerous, threatening Fonzie character into some kind of walking/talking embodiment of their social concerns—watch Fonzie eat his veggies, and get a library card, and wear glasses, and cry, and pretend to be weak to really be strong)."

"While Mulder is out thwarting an alien conspiracy to colonise the planet, the Lone Gunmen are busy trying to figure out whether the King (like the truth) is really still out there."
Darren Mooney on The Lone Gunmen, "Maximum Byers"

"It really is a different world with John Doggett. He’s no slacker, that’s for sure and has spent his first weekend on the job getting up to speed on their work on the X-Files by reading every single case in the cabinet. I bet he had a good chuckle at some of it given that they lost most of their records in the fire at the end of season five and considering most of the episodes since then have been light-hearted."
Joe Ford on The X-Files, "Patience"

Chris: As much as the tone shift to cartoony nonsense is weird at time, I do really like Cobra Commander Shredder, crawling out of a pile of garbage and being frustrated that he accidentally made mutant babies. Again: I’m a sucker for that stuff.
Matt: It’s amusing, and the actor who does Shredder’s voice plays it with just the right amount of exasperation.
Chris: He is understandably frustrated that his life has turned into a cartoon.

"Yup, the comic and movie are pretty much identical — as long as you cut out all the "I make this look good"s and "It just be rainin' black people in New York!"s and replace them with a whole bunch of murder."

"Just let that sink in for a minute. They're going to distract what's basically an ambulatory, talking computer (which you'd think would be a pretty damn good multitasker, at the very least) with a sing-along. Is it any wonder the franchise died a slow death?

Incidentally, it becomes painfully clear why they had to resolve the Data crisis in this preposterous way, once you know that Michael Piller was given a mandate to make this film 'lighter' than the generally excellent First Contact. Hey, why have drama and conflict, when instead you can have Picard sing Data into submission?"

"...what De Palma does is completely sever the balls to this satire. The first half of this movie is dedicated to the fact (Tom) Hanks’ character is a nice guy. NO HE’S NOT! That’s the point. He’s a dick and he gets his comeuppance. There is not supposed to be a likable character in this whole affair. Everyone is motivated by greed, fame, and power. It’s a nihilistic work... We even get a 'message' from Morgan Freeman by the end of how we should all just get along. It even has the lines, and I sh*t you not this is what he says, "Be decent! Its what your mamma taught ya!""

"Once you realize Schwarzenegger—who is doing fine work when the screenplay isn’t pulling a drawstring to make him spout his familiar franchise catch-phrases—is ostensibly playing Sarah’s disapproving dad, it especially feels like a bad sitcom ...Arnold makes all of this watchable because his comedic bits are the only ones that land. Among those that don’t: a montage where someone wondered “wouldn’t it be cool if the Terminator were arrested and we played ‘Bad Boys’ over his mugshot?”. Honestly, though, did you ever think you’d live to see the day where Schwarzenegger was too good for 'The Terminator?"

    Web Video 

"No, I'm not shitting you. This isn't some easter egg room. This actually happens. There's a roomful of trolls playing ping-pong...I really hope this is on the Tapestry of Ages. I hope there's a picture of me with a fuckin' paddle. Can we—? I'm losin' my mind. Why don't we go after some dragons with pies. Can we do that? can we throw some pies? Let's get some pies in here.

Welcome to the Pie Factory. First punch the time clock, then light the ovens."

Noah Antwiler on Ultima: Runes of Virtue

Yahtzee: Why don't we just have a Modern Warfare game where you fight aliens from space? And then all the countries get together and be big pals!

"That's always been my problem with modern Nicki, just how readily she's been willing to make pretty pop songs instead of the fire-spitting that made her famous. I wanna make it clear: I dislike her becoming a shallow, pale pop starlet not because that's bad thing to be; it's because she's not very good at it...Her old appeal is that she's angry! And weird! And aggressive! You can always tell she's wasting her talent doing something like this. Even if Michael Jordan did get good enough to go pro at baseball, is that what you want him to be doing? Exactly."
Todd in the Shadows on Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda"

''"How about Crain was the mastermind the whole time? And he turns into this giant evil monster! And he makes all the scary faces! And then all the little Casper ghosts are like "OH, SAVE US! OH, SAVE US! HE'S GONNA KILL US, EVEN THOUGH WE'RE ALREADY DEAD! AAAAAAAHHH!!" Oh, God, there are so many complex issues here. Alright, and then, we're gonna see Eleanor literally—LITERALLY— defeat him with the power of love!"
Nostalgia Critic on the ending of the 1999 remake of The Haunting

    Real Life 

"In an early draft, Novakovich did die after sniffing the alien pollen (I guess that means he would’ve been pushing up the hallucinogenic daisies). It was felt at the time that the death of a crewmember would require time to show Archer and the crew dealing with the loss, and there wasn’t time for such a scene. Personally, I always liked how Kirk shrugged off casualty reports like they were yesterday’s sports scores."
—Writer Mike Sussman on Star Trek: Enterprise, "Strange New World"