Quotes: Lighter and Softer

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    Podcasts 

Jay: I liked the cartoon, but I didn't like that they incorporated stuff from that cartoon into the movie. None of the Ghostbusters smoke anymore...
Rich: Well, this movie was made for the kids.
Jay: And I was a kid, and I hated that fact! It drove me nuts!

    Stand-up Comedy 

"I don't wanna hear about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Even Arnold caved in. In Terminator 2, he was all of a sudden Mr. Caring Guy, protecting the kid and hoping the earth wouldn't end. Bullshit. There was even a sequence at the end of the movie where a huge truck full of flammable liquid tears down a highway for about 3 minutes and then doesn't blow up. A sign of the times if ever there was one. Every real man knows the 1 golden rule of macho movie making: if you see a truck on screen, blow it up."

    Web Original 

"'High Velocity Impact Spatter,' by Cannibal Corpse! It’s Christmastime, which means it’s time to check in with Buffalo, New York’s finest purveyors of obscene death metal. And I have to say, I think they may be getting soft in their old age. Take a look at the track listing for 2014’s A Skeletal Domain. Sure, they’ve got their usual fun assortment of titles ('Icepick Lobotomy,' etc.), but not ONE song title referencing child abuse or sexual assault! YOU’VE CHANGED, MAN. If the PC lobby can get to Cannibal Corpse, they can get to anyone."

"The Isolus is a unique creation, a benevolent being that is attacking people because it has empathy for a lost and lonely little girl — but because it is snatching them away in as painless a way as possible and proves to be rather airy fairy in reality, it fails to capture the imagination or generate any tension. It might just be the most vanilla Doctor Who alien of all time, lacking personality or excitement. The less said about the beacon of hope and love that is traveling the streets of London to set the world aflame at the commencement of the Olympic ceremony the better. Doctor Who would revel in tweeness after this episode, but there are few times when I want to actively hurl something at my precious television just to make the injection of pure syrup stop. The Doctor lighting the Olympic flame might just be the worst moment of the Russell T Davies era and one that is masquerading as one of the best. Oh the irony."

""Stevie Richards" is actually the Shawn Michaels of an alternate dimension. In his universe, "Stevie" (nee Michaels) was still a talented worker; but he was also a pleasant, down-to-earth guy. He avoided drugs. He shunned dick moves. He was never "saved/born again" (as he was never forced to seek salvation from addiction).

A fantastic chain of coincidences (too long to be covered here) left him stranded in our world. Stevie was forced to abandon his old identity — but he couldn't abandon his love of wrestling."
Taimapedia, "He'll show you (how to upgrade your phone)!"

"Seriously, Brock Lesnar is next to a dude dressed up in a rabbit suit on wwe.com.

How is this company still in business?"

Chris: As much as the tone shift to cartoony nonsense is weird at time, I do really like Cobra Commander Shredder, crawling out of a pile of garbage and being frustrated that he accidentally made mutant babies. Again: I’m a sucker for that stuff.
Matt: It’s amusing, and the actor who does Shredder’s voice plays it with just the right amount of exasperation.
Chris: He is understandably frustrated that his life has turned into a cartoon.

"Yup, the comic and movie are pretty much identical — as long as you cut out all the "I make this look good"s and "It just be rainin' black people in New York!"s and replace them with a whole bunch of murder. The whole point of the comic is that the Men in Black — like the modern urban folklore that they take their name from — are the brutal enforcers of a secret fascist state that controls every detail of modern life. I seriously cannot impress upon you what massive dicks they are. Remember the "neurolyzer" device that Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) uses to convince a housewife that the alien she saw was swamp gas refracting off of Venus, and then Will Smith gets to be charming and convince her to hire an interior decorator because damn? In the comics, they still have neurolyzers, only K uses them to convince teenagers to kill themselves."

"Data was rehearsing a production of their play H.M.S. Pinafore before he left. Apparently, [Picard's] big plan is to distract Data... with a sing-along.

Just let that sink in for a minute. They're going to distract what's basically an ambulatory, talking computer (which you'd think would be a pretty damn good multitasker, at the very least) with a sing-along. Is it any wonder the franchise died a slow death?


Incidentally, it becomes painfully clear why they had to resolve the Data crisis in this preposterous way, once you know that Michael Piller was given a mandate to make this film 'lighter' than the generally excellent First Contact. Hey, why have drama and conflict, when instead you can have Picard sing Data into submission?""''

"...what De Palma does is completely sever the balls to this satire. The first half of this movie is dedicated to the fact (Tom) Hanks’ character is a nice guy. NO HE’S NOT! That’s the point. He’s a dick and he gets his comeuppance. There is not supposed to be a likable character in this whole affair. Everyone is motivated by greed, fame, and power. It’s a nihilistic work... We even get a 'message' from Morgan Freeman by the end of how we should all just get along. It even has the lines, and I sh*t you not this is what he says, "Be decent! Its what your mamma taught ya!""

    Web Video 

"No, I'm not shitting you. This isn't some easter egg room. This actually happens. There's a roomful of trolls playing ping-pong...I really hope this is on the Tapestry of Ages. I hope there's a picture of me with a fuckin' paddle. Can we—? I'm losin' my mind. Why don't we go after some dragons with pies. Can we do that? can we throw some pies? Let's get some pies in here.

"
Welcome to the Pie Factory. First punch the time clock, then light the ovens."

OH, COME ON!! A pie factory! And just guess where this is. Wild guess. It's in the Stygian Abyss. There's a fucking pie factory in the Stygian—WHY is there a pie factory in the fucking Abyss? I've been down here like six goddamn times. I think I'd remember if I saw a fucking PIE FACTORY! Did the Black Knight build it?"
Noah Antwiler on Ultima: Runes of Virtue

Yahtzee: Why don't we just have a Modern Warfare game where you fight aliens from space? And then all the countries get together and be big pals!

"That's always been my problem with modern Nicki, just how readily she's been willing to make pretty pop songs instead of the fire-spitting that made her famous. I wanna make it clear: I dislike her becoming a shallow, pale pop starlet not because that's bad thing to be; it's because she's not very good at it...Her old appeal is that she's angry! And weird! And aggressive! You can always tell she's wasting her talent doing something like this. Even if Michael Jordan did get good enough to go pro at baseball, is that what you want him to be doing? Exactly."
Todd in the Shadows on Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda"

Jay: Fucking SyFy execs, obviously pushing for a legitimate Scooby-Doo live-action wrestling show, with booking by somebody who obviously who has no idea about/no respect for wrestling. Do you remember WCW and the return of RoboCop, Capital Combat 1990? It's like, "Wrasslin' fans, you'll accept any ol' shit! Robocop's fuckin' real, and he lives in the same universe as WCW!"
OOC: You can tell that the crowd aren't big ECW fans 'cause Sandman comes down, he's sprayin' the beer, and people are kinda gettin' outta the way. They're like, "Ewwww!"
Steve: If there's any wrestler's germs you don't want on ya, it's the Sandman's.
OOC: It's true, but when he does the can thing, and there's blood on the can, people are like, "..eyeeeehhh, not havin' that."
Jay: He Singapore Canes The Zombie — WHACK WHACK WHACK — and wins with a pin in 17 sec and celebrates. Did you know The Zombie was actually Plan B? WWE originally wanted Sandman to beat up a Martian, but SyFy refused to allow an alien — their bread and butter — to be beaten up on their network. So they went with a zombie instead.
OSW Review, on ECW on Sci-Fi

    Real Life 

"In an early draft, Novakovich did die after sniffing the alien pollen (I guess that means he would’ve been pushing up the hallucinogenic daisies). It was felt at the time that the death of a crewmember would require time to show Archer and the crew dealing with the loss, and there wasn’t time for such a scene. Personally, I always liked how Kirk shrugged off casualty reports like they were yesterday’s sports scores."
—Writer Mike Sussman on Star Trek: Enterprise, "Strange New World"