History Quotes / LighterAndSofter

[[folder:Fan Fics]]

-->--Author Notes, ''Fanfic/IAmNOTGoingThroughPubertyAgain

->''Some people like [[PeggySue time travel fics]] where everything is drama and angst and overpowered main characters plowing through their enemies.''\\
''Others, including myself, like time travel fics were everything is [[WorldOfSnark snark]] and [[CrackFic crack]]... with overpowered main characters plowing through their enemies.''
-->--Author Notes, ''Fanfic/IAmNOTGoingThroughPubertyAgain''

->"Nothing. Bad. Ever. Happened. EVER."

->"Batman's rich history allows him to be interpreted in a multitude of ways. To be sure, this is a lighter incarnation, but it's certainly no less valid and true to the character's roots as the tortured avenger crying out for mommy and daddy."

[[folder:Live-action TV]]

->''"We're gonna fly to school each morning, we're gonna smile the entire time\\
We're gonna be more happy, we're gonna finally be fine!\\
We're gonna get more calm and normal, we're gonna fix our state of mind\\
We're gonna be less crazy, we're gonna finally be fine!''
-->-- ''Series/{{Community}}'', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nT89wX6_Fig Season 3 opening]]

[[folder:Podcasts]]

->'''Jay:''' I liked [[WesternAnimation/TheRealGhostbusters the cartoon]], but I didn't like that they incorporated stuff from that cartoon into the movie. [[NoSmoking None of the Ghostbusters smoke anymore...]]\\
'''Rich:''' Well, this movie was made for the kids.\\
'''Jay:''' And I ''was'' a kid, and I ''hated'' that fact! It drove me nuts!
-->-- ''WebVideo/HalfInTheBag'' riffs ''Film/GhostbustersII''

[[folder:Stand-up Comedy]]

->"I don't wanna hear about Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger. Even Arnold caved in. In ''[[Film/Terminator2JudgmentDay Terminator 2]]'', he was all of a sudden Mr. Caring Guy, protecting the kid and hoping the earth wouldn't end. Bullshit. There was even a sequence at the end of the movie where a huge truck full of flammable liquid tears down a highway for about 3 minutes and then doesn't blow up. A sign of the times if ever there was one. Every real man knows the 1 golden rule of macho movie making: if you see a truck on screen, [[StuffBlowingUp blow it up.]]"
-->-- '''Creator/DenisLeary'''

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Animation]]

->"Nothing. Bad. Ever. Happened. EVER."
-->-- '''Nora''', ''WebAnimation/RWBYChibi''

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Original]]

->''High Velocity Impact Spatter, by Music/CannibalCorpse! It’s Christmastime, which means it’s time to check in with Buffalo, New York’s finest purveyors of obscene death metal. And I have to say, I think they may be getting soft in their old age. Take a look at the track listing for 2014’s ''A Skeletal Domain''. Sure, they’ve got their usual fun assortment of titles ('Icepick Lobotomy,' etc.), but not ONE song title referencing child abuse or sexual assault! YOU’VE CHANGED, MAN. If the PC lobby can get to Cannibal Corpse, they can get to anyone.''
-->-- '''[[http://deadspin.com/this-has-been-the-worst-season-in-nfl-history-1672165851 Drew Magary]]'''

->''Wrestling/StevieRichards' is actually the Wrestling/ShawnMichaels of an alternate dimension. In his universe, "Stevie" (nee Michaels) was still a talented worker; but he was also a pleasant, down-to-earth guy. He avoided drugs. He shunned dick moves. He was never "saved/born again" (as he was never forced to seek salvation from addiction). A fantastic chain of coincidences (too long to be covered here) left him stranded in our world. Stevie was forced to abandon his old identity -- but he couldn't abandon his love of wrestling.''
-->--'''''Taimapedia''''', "He'll show you ([[StabTheSalad how to upgrade your phone]])!"

->''Seriously, Wrestling/BrockLesnar is next to a dude [[GoofySuit dressed up in a rabbit suit]] on wwe.com. How is this company still in business?''
-->--'''''Website/{{Wrestlecrap}}''''', [[http://www.wrestlecrap.com/inductions/induction-vince-mcmahon-and-the-brass-rings-2014-gooker-award-co-winner/ Vince McMahon and the BRASS RINGS – 2014 Gooker Award Co-Winner"]]

->''While Mulder is out thwarting an alien conspiracy to colonise the planet, the Lone Gunmen are busy trying to figure out whether [[ElvisLives the King (like the truth) is really still out there.]]''
-->--'''[[http://them0vieblog.com/2015/11/18/the-lone-gunmen-maximum-byers-review/ Darren Mooney]]''' on ''Series/TheLoneGunmen'', "Maximum Byers"

->'''Joe''': The Daleks are back so that is another element that was set up earlier in the season –\\
'''Simon''': No, no, no! You can’t say that was an introduction to the Daleks with all that [[CareBearStare sunlight on my face]] bollocks!\\
'''Joe''': It did introduce a new generation of kids to the Daleks though.\\
'''Simon''': No, it introduced them to the new pansy Daleks!\\
'''Joe''': It introduced the concept then...\\
'''Simon''': Nope, he was a pansy! He went around shooting everyone and then felt guilty and then had the sunlight on his face and then died. Pansy-ass Dalek. A ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'' Dalek!\\
'''Joe''': Can you at least admit that that episode introduced a Dalek-shaped creature?\\
'''Simon''': It introduced a Dalek-shaped creature, yes.
-->-- Joe Ford [[https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2012/07/the-fella-series-one.html on]] ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS27E6Dalek}} "Dalek"]]

->'''Chris''': As much as the tone shift to cartoony nonsense is weird at time, I do really like [[WesternAnimation/GIJoe Cobra Commander]] Shredder, crawling out of a pile of garbage and being frustrated that he accidentally made mutant babies. Again: I’m a sucker for that stuff.\\
'''Matt''': It’s amusing, and the actor who does Shredder’s voice plays it with just the right amount of exasperation.\\
'''Chris''': He is understandably frustrated that his life has turned into a cartoon.
-->-- Chris Sims and Matt Wilson [[http://comicsalliance.com/comicsalliance-reviews-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-ii-2/ on]] ''Film/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtlesIITheSecretOfTheOoze''

->''Yup, [[Comicbook/MenInBlack the comic]] and movie are pretty much identical -- as long as you cut out all the [[Film/MenInBlack "I make this look good"s and "It just be rainin' black people in New York!"]]s and replace them with a whole bunch of murder.''
-->-- '''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-movies-that-got-source-materials-point-exactly-wrong/#ixzz30P6hR45A "4 Movies That Got the Source Material Exactly Wrong"]]

->''Hey, why have drama and conflict, when instead you can have Picard ''[[ThePowerOfRock sing]]'' Data into submission?"''
-->-- '''''Website/TheAgonyBooth''''' on ''Film/StarTrekInsurrection''

->''The first half of this movie is dedicated to the fact that [[Creator/TomHanks (Tom) Hanks]]’ character is a nice guy. '''''[[AdaptationDecay NO HE’S NOT!]]''''' That’s the point. He’s a dick and he gets his comeuppance. There is not supposed to be a likable character in this whole affair. Everyone is motivated by greed, fame, and power. It’s a nihilistic work... We even get a 'message' from Creator/MorganFreeman by the end of how we should all just get along. It even has the lines, and I sh*t you not this is what he says, "[[{{Anvilicious}} Be decent! Its what your mamma taught ya!]]"''
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2010/02/10/bonfire-of-the-vanities-1990-brian-de-palma/ on]] ''Literature/TheBonfireOfTheVanities'' (1990)

->''Once you realize Schwarzenegger--who is doing fine work when the screenplay isn’t pulling a drawstring to make him spout his familiar franchise catch-phrases--is ostensibly playing Sarah’s disapproving dad, it especially feels like a bad sitcom ...Honestly, though, did you ever think you’d live to see the day where [[ClassicallyTrainedExtra Schwarzenegger was too good for]] '''The Terminator''?"''
-->--'''[[http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=27057&reviewer=429 Brett Gallman]]''' on ''Film/TerminatorGenisys''

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Video]]

->"No, I'm not shitting you. This isn't some {{easter egg}} room. This actually happens. There's a roomful of trolls playing ping-pong...I really hope this is on the [[http://ultima.wikia.com/wiki/Tapestry_of_Ages Tapestry of Ages.]] I hope there's [[GoKartingWithBowser a picture of me with a fuckin' paddle]]. Can we--? I'm losin' my mind. Why don't we go after some dragons [[PieInTheFace with pies.]] Can we do that? can we throw some pies? Let's get some ''pies'' in here."\\\
''[[AC:[[LevelAte Welcome to the Pie Factory. First punch the time clock, then light the ovens]].]]''\\
"--'''''OH, COME ON!!'''''"
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' on ''VideoGame/{{Ultima}}: Runes of Virtue''

->"I remember when I was a kid, the [[WesternAnimation/XMen X-Men cartoon series]] was my first exposure to the ''X-Men.'' And I was like, 'Why do they keep ''that'' guy around? He obviously can't use the knives.'"
-->-- '''[[Creator/BenCroshaw Yahtzee Croshaw]]''' on ComicBook/{{Wolverine}}, LetsPlay/LetsDrownOut ''(VideoGame/TheXFilesResistOrServe'')

->'''{{Creator/Brad|Jones}}''': ''[watching]'' Now, which Bond would he be the nephew of? [[Creator/SeanConnery Connery]]? [[Creator/TimothyDalton Dalton]]? [[Creator/PierceBrosnan Brosnan]]?\\
'''James''': Pity they missed their flight! These Sunday drivers!\\
'''Brad''': Definitely Creator/RogerMoore's nephew.
-->--''DVR-Hell'' on ''WesternAnimation/JamesBondJr''

->"That's always been my problem with modern Nicki, just how readily she's been willing to make pretty pop songs instead of [[RatedGForGangsta the fire-spitting that made her famous.]] I wanna make it clear: I dislike her becoming a shallow, pale pop starlet not because that's bad thing to be; it's because she's not very good at it...Her old appeal is that she's ''angry!'' And ''weird!'' And ''aggressive!'' You can always tell she's wasting her talent doing something like this. Even '''''if''''' UsefulNotes/MichaelJordan did get good enough to go pro at baseball, is ''that'' what you want him to be doing? Exactly."
-->--'''WebVideo/ToddInTheShadows''' on Music/NickiMinaj's "Anaconda"

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Western Animation]]
->"Batman's rich history allows him to be interpreted in a multitude of ways. To be sure, this is a lighter incarnation, but it's certainly no less valid and true to the character's roots as the tortured avenger crying out for mommy and daddy."
-->-- '''ComicBook/BatMite''', ''WesternAnimation/BatmanTheBraveAndTheBold''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Other]]

->"My Bond was a lover and a giggler."
-->-- '''Creator/RogerMoore'''

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Real Life]]

->''"How about Crain was the mastermind the whole time? And he turns into this giant evil monster! And he makes all the scary faces! And then all the little Casper ghosts are like "OH, SAVE US! OH, SAVE US! HE'S GONNA KILL US, EVEN THOUGH WE'RE ALREADY DEAD! AAAAAAAHHH!!" Oh, God, there are so many complex issues here. Alright, and then, we're gonna see Eleanor literally—LITERALLY— defeat him with the power of love!"
-->-- '''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic''' on the ending of ''Film/TheHaunting1999''

->''"Nothing. Bad. Ever. Happened. EVER."''
-->-- '''Nora''', ''WebAnimation/RWBYChibi''

->"It was felt at the time that the death of a crewmember would require time to show Archer and the crew dealing with the loss, and there wasn’t time for such a scene. Personally, I always liked how Kirk [[RedshirtArmy shrugged off casualty reports]] like they were yesterday’s sports scores."
-->-- Writer '''Mike Sussman''' on ''Series/StarTrekEnterprise'', "Strange New World"

''[[AC:[[LevelAte Welcome to the Pie Factory. First punch the time clock, then light the ovens]].]]''\\\

-->-- '''[[Creator/BenCroshaw Yahtzee Croshaw]]''' on [[ComicBook/{{Wolverine}}, LetsPlay/LetsDrownOut ''(VideoGame/TheXFilesResistOrServe'')

->'''[[Creator/BenCroshaw Yahtzee]]:''' Why don't we just have a ''VideoGame/ModernWarfare'' game where you fight aliens from space? And then all the countries get together and be big pals!
-->-- ''LetsPlay/LetsDrownOut VideoGame/JustCause2''

->''As for Henry Winkler...it's difficult to watch how far down the ladder he's taken Fonzie (with the "help" of the lazy writers and all the [[MediaWatchdog special interest groups]] that over time turned the once-dangerous, threatening Fonzie character into some kind of [[AndKnowingIsHalfTheBattle walking/talking embodiment of their social concerns]]--watch Fonzie eat his veggies, and get a library card, and wear glasses, and cry, and pretend to be weak to [[{{Glurge}} really be strong]]).''
-->--'''[[http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/66103/happy-days-season-6/ Paul Mavis]]''' on ''Series/HappyDays''

'''Joe''': I did introduce a new generation of kids to the Daleks though.\\

'''Simon''': Nope, he was a pansy! He went around shooting everyone and then felt guilty and then had the sunlight on his face and then died. Pansy-ass Dalek. A ''Series/StarTrekNextGeneration'' Dalek!\\

-->-- Joe Ford [[https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2012/07/the-fella-series-one.html on]] ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Recap/DoctorWhoS27E6Dalek?from=Recap.DoctorWhoNSS1E6Dalek}} Dalek"]]

->''As for Henry Winkler...it's difficult to watch how far down the ladder he's taken Fonzie (with the "help" of the lazy writers and all the [[MediaWatchdog special interest groups]] that over time turned the once-dangerous, threatening Fonzie character into some kind of [[AndKnowingIsHalfTheBattle walking/talking embodiment] of their social concerns]]--watch Fonzie eat his veggies, and get a library card, and wear glasses, and cry, and pretend to be weak to [[{{Glurge}} really be strong]]).''

->''Seriously, Wrestling/BrockLesnar is next to a dude [[AGoofySuit dressed up in a rabbit suit]] on wwe.com. How is this company still in business?''

->"No, I'm not shitting you. This isn't some {{easter egg}} room. This actually happens. There's a roomful of trolls playing ping-pong...I really hope this is on the [[http://ultima.wikia.com/wiki/Tapestry_of_Ages Tapestry of Ages.]] I hope there's a picture of me with a fuckin' paddle. Can we--? I'm losin' my mind. Why don't we go after some dragons [[PieInTheFace with pies.]] Can we do that? can we throw some pies? Let's get some ''pies'' in here."\\\

"--''''OH, COME ON!!'''''"

--"''''--OH, COME ON!!'''''"

->''"We're gonna fly to school each morning, we're gonna smile the entire time,''
->''We're gonna be more happy, we're gonna finally be fine!''
->''We're gonna get more calm and normal, we're gonna fix our state of mind,''
->''We're gonna be less crazy, we're gonna finally be fine!"''

->''"I don't wanna hear about Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger. Even Arnold caved in. In ''[[Film/Terminator2JudgmentDay Terminator 2]]'', he was all of a sudden Mr. Caring Guy, protecting the kid and hoping the earth wouldn't end. Bullshit. There was even a sequence at the end of the movie where a huge truck full of flammable liquid tears down a highway for about 3 minutes and then doesn't blow up. A sign of the times if ever there was one. Every real man knows the 1 golden rule of macho movie making: if you see a truck on screen, [[StuffBlowingUp blow it up.]]"''

->''"'High Velocity Impact Spatter,' by Music/CannibalCorpse! It’s Christmastime, which means it’s time to check in with Buffalo, New York’s finest purveyors of obscene death metal. And I have to say, I think they may be getting soft in their old age. Take a look at the track listing for 2014’s ''A Skeletal Domain''. Sure, they’ve got their usual fun assortment of titles ('Icepick Lobotomy,' etc.), but not ONE song title referencing child abuse or sexual assault! YOU’VE CHANGED, MAN. If the PC lobby can get to Cannibal Corpse, they can get to anyone."''

->''"'Wrestling/StevieRichards' is actually the Wrestling/ShawnMichaels of an alternate dimension. In his universe, "Stevie" (nee Michaels) was still a talented worker; but he was also a pleasant, down-to-earth guy. He avoided drugs. He shunned dick moves. He was never "saved/born again" (as he was never forced to seek salvation from addiction). A fantastic chain of coincidences (too long to be covered here) left him stranded in our world. Stevie was forced to abandon his old identity -- but he couldn't abandon his love of wrestling."''

->''"Seriously, Wrestling/BrockLesnar is next to a dude dressed up in a rabbit suit on wwe.com. How is this company still in business?"''

->''"As for Henry Winkler...it's difficult to watch how far down the ladder he's taken Fonzie (with the "help" of the lazy writers and all the [[MediaWatchdog special interest groups]] that over time turned the once-dangerous, threatening Fonzie character into some kind of [[AndKnowingIsHalfTheBattle walking/talking embodiment]] of their social concerns--watch Fonzie eat his veggies, and get a library card, and wear glasses, and cry, and pretend to be weak to [[{{Glurge}} really be strong]])."''

->''"While Mulder is out thwarting an alien conspiracy to colonise the planet, the Lone Gunmen are busy trying to figure out whether [[ElvisLives the King]] (like the truth) is really still out there."''

'''Joe''': It introduced the concept then…\\
'''Simon''': Nope, he was a pansy! He went around shooting everyone and then felt guilty and then had the sunlight on his face and then died. Pansy-ass Dalek. A ''Star Trek: Next Generation'' Dalek!\\

-->-- Joe Ford on ''Series/DoctorWho'', "Dalek"

->'''Chris''': As much as the tone shift to cartoony nonsense is weird at time, I do really like [[WesternAnimation/GIJoe Cobra Commander Shredder,]] crawling out of a pile of garbage and being frustrated that he accidentally made mutant babies. Again: I’m a sucker for that stuff.\\

->''"Yup, [[Comicbook/MenInBlack the comic]] and movie are pretty much identical -- as long as you cut out all the [[Film/MenInBlack "I make this look good"s and "It just be rainin' black people in New York!"]]s and replace them with a whole bunch of murder."''

->''"The first half of this movie is dedicated to the fact that [[Creator/TomHanks (Tom) Hanks]]’ character is a nice guy. '''''[[AdaptationDecay NO HE’S NOT!]]''''' That’s the point. He’s a dick and he gets his comeuppance. There is not supposed to be a likable character in this whole affair. Everyone is motivated by greed, fame, and power. It’s a nihilistic work... We even get a 'message' from Creator/MorganFreeman by the end of how we should all just get along. It even has the lines, and I sh*t you not this is what he says, "[[{{Anvilicious}} Be decent! Its what your mamma taught ya!]]""''

->''"Once you realize Schwarzenegger--who is doing fine work when the screenplay isn’t pulling a drawstring to make him spout his familiar franchise catch-phrases--is ostensibly playing Sarah’s disapproving dad, it especially feels like a bad sitcom ...Arnold makes all of this watchable because his comedic bits are the only ones that land. Among those that don’t: a montage where someone wondered ''“wouldn’t it be cool if the Terminator were arrested and we played ‘[[{{Series/Cops}} Bad Boys]]’ over his mugshot?”''. Honestly, though, did you ever think you’d live to see the day where [[EpicFail Schwarzenegger was too good]] for '''The Terminator''?"''

->''"No, I'm not shitting you. This isn't some {{easter egg}} room. This actually happens. There's a roomful of trolls playing ping-pong...I really hope this is on the [[http://ultima.wikia.com/wiki/Tapestry_of_Ages Tapestry of Ages.]] I hope there's a picture of me with a fuckin' paddle. Can we--? I'm losin' my mind. Why don't we go after some dragons [[PieInTheFace with pies.]] Can we do that? can we throw some pies? Let's get some ''pies'' in here.\\\
"''[[AC:[[LevelAte Welcome to the Pie Factory. First punch the time clock, then light the ovens]].]]''"\\\
--'''''OH, COME ON!!''''' "''

->''"That's always been my problem with modern Nicki, just how readily she's been willing to make pretty pop songs instead of [[RatedGForGangsta the fire-spitting that made her famous.]] I wanna make it clear: I dislike her becoming a shallow, pale pop starlet not because that's bad thing to be; it's because she's not very good at it...Her old appeal is that she's ''angry!'' And ''weird!'' And ''aggressive!'' You can always tell she's wasting her talent doing something like this. Even '''''if''''' UsefulNotes/MichaelJordan did get good enough to go pro at baseball, is ''that'' what you want him to be doing? Exactly."''

->''"Batman's rich history allows him to be interpreted in a multitude of ways. To be sure, this is a lighter incarnation, but it's certainly no less valid and true to the character's roots as the tortured avenger crying out for mommy and daddy."''

->''"My Bond was a lover and a giggler."''

->''"In an early draft, Novakovich did die after sniffing the alien pollen (I guess that means he would’ve been pushing up the hallucinogenic daisies). It was felt at the time that the death of a crewmember would require time to show Archer and the crew dealing with the loss, and there wasn’t time for such a scene. Personally, I always liked how Kirk [[RedshirtArmy shrugged off casualty reports]] like they were yesterday’s sports scores."''

->'"The first half of this movie is dedicated to the fact [[Creator/TomHanks (Tom) Hanks]]’ character is a nice guy. '''''[[AdaptationDecay NO HE’S NOT!]]''''' That’s the point. He’s a dick and he gets his comeuppance. There is not supposed to be a likable character in this whole affair. Everyone is motivated by greed, fame, and power. It’s a nihilistic work... We even get a 'message' from Creator/MorganFreeman by the end of how we should all just get along. It even has the lines, and I sh*t you not this is what he says, "[[{{Anvilicious}} Be decent! Its what your mamma taught ya!]]""''

->''"'Wrestling/StevieRichards' is actually the Wrestling/ShawnMichaels of an alternate dimension. In his universe, "Stevie" (nee Michaels) was still a talented worker; but he was also a pleasant, down-to-earth guy. He avoided drugs. He shunned dick moves. He was never "saved/born again" (as he was never forced to seek salvation from addiction).\\\
A fantastic chain of coincidences (too long to be covered here) left him stranded in our world. Stevie was forced to abandon his old identity -- but he couldn't abandon his love of wrestling."''

->''"Seriously, Wrestling/BrockLesnar is next to a dude dressed up in a rabbit suit on wwe.com.\\\
How is this company still in business?"''

->''"Just let that sink in for a minute. They're going to distract what's basically an ambulatory, talking computer (which you'd think would be a pretty damn good multitasker, at the very least) [[ThePowerOfRock with a sing-along.]] Is it any wonder the franchise died a slow death?''\\\
''Incidentally, it becomes painfully clear why they had to resolve the Data crisis in this preposterous way, once you know that Michael Piller was [[ExecutiveMeddling given a mandate]] to make this film 'lighter' than the generally excellent ''[[Film/StarTrekFirstContact First Contact]]''. Hey, why have drama and conflict, when instead you can have Picard ''sing'' Data into submission?"''

->''"...what [[Creator/BrianDePalma De Palma]] does is completely sever the balls to this satire. The first half of this movie is dedicated to the fact [[Creator/TomHanks (Tom) Hanks]]’ character is a nice guy. '''''[[AdaptationDecay NO HE’S NOT!]]''''' That’s the point. He’s a dick and he gets his comeuppance. There is not supposed to be a likable character in this whole affair. Everyone is motivated by greed, fame, and power. It’s a nihilistic work... We even get a 'message' from Creator/MorganFreeman by the end of how [[CaptainObviousAesop we should all just get along]]. It even has the lines, and I sh*t you not this is what he says, "[[{{Anvilicious}} Be decent! Its what your mamma taught ya!]]""''