Season 6
"His editor claims that [Boris] Johnson "was the single worst employee he's ever had" and "skipped many work days to hang out with his best friend, Jeffrey Epstein". Which is terrible! It's not true, I made that quote up! But now you can see how easy it is to fabricate them!"
— Episode 18
"Look, I hate to say this to a fellow lifter, but that shit's weak, bro. You did one single rep and there weren't even weights on the bar. Even when I'm tapering, I stack more plate than an omakase. My body's stuck on beast mode and there's no off switch! You want to know how I got these boulder shoulders? By putting in my time at my Fortress of Swolitude! I'm just saying, bro, take notes, cause I burst out of suits like I'm Meghan Markle!"
— Episode 20
Season 8
"Oh, fuck off, Tucker, you relentlessly indignant picket fence!"
— Episode 5
"All it takes is a few superficial labels and style choices to convince people that something with no real substance is actually meaningful and good. Or as it's known in America, the Marvel Cinematic Universe."
— Episode 11
Season 9
"Hope and joy are crucial here; they are the fuel that powers the ongoing fight for equality. And while there is a lot of fear and uncertainty right now, it is worth remembering that progress — while not always linear — is always possible."
— Episode 26
Season 10
"I'm sorry, [that] is just not Data Bitch Behavior, and that it coming from TV's number one Data Bitch! Anyone who collects incontrovertible data would give you a more specific date than "the near future" because Data Bitches, as we all know, are also Calendar Bitches. I know myself!"
— Episode 21
Season 11
"From the beginning, America — like most countries — was built on polite fictions by men who could somehow hold in their heads the idea that all men were created equal at the exact same time that they were drawing up the three-fifths compromise. [...] But polite fictions can only be bent so far before they break. And right now, it feels like the Supreme Court is at a breaking point."
— Episode 1
"If you're funny enough, you can make people forget a lot of things, whether it's common-sense internet safeguards, lessons from previous relationships, or that they've been accidentally learning about financial fraud and human trafficking for the last twenty minutes. We're having fun, aren't we?"
— Episode 4
"[While] there is nothing fundamentally wrong with civility and compromise, it does depend on who you're being civil to and what you're compromising with. 'Cause remember, this is the moment when one of the loudest voices in the Senate campaign against Mangi is also happily encouraging people to "take things into their own hands" when it comes to those they don't agree with. And it's pretty scary to think that, in the name of building bridges, some appear to be perfectly fine finding a middle ground with those willing to throw protestors off them."
— Episode 9
Miscellaneous
"Like clockwork, at some point during a story, I go into Tim [Carvell]'s office, who I... run the show with, and we'll say 'Burn it down. Just burn everything to the ground.' 'Cause it feels like things are so bad in a story, only flames are going to purify the hell that we've built for ourselves. But you do then work through that, much like this shitty hot sauce, to realizing that, in lieu of— even as you're waiting for major change that you think might not come, incremental change is possible, and valuable."
— John Oliver, describing an average work week at Last Week Tonight on Hot Ones
