"Alright, motherfuckers. In times like this, religion is often forgotten, so I'm gonna remind you of how awesome Jesus is. First off, his power level is fucking 9,001. THAT IS OVER 9 THOUSAND! Show some respect for that. He'd kick all your asses. Second, he dares to have a Mexican name despite the fact that he is not Mexican. Only the greats do that. Third, he could conjure water and self-rez when his group wiped for the fifth fucking time that night so no one had to run back. That's a fucking time-saver right there! And finally, he is a great supporter of cannibalism. So much so that he actually ENCOURAGES people to eat his flesh and drink his blood. Any questions?"

—taken from a Gaia Online roleplay post

"Action Jesus! Manger sold separately."

''"Kung-Fu Action Jesus! He's fighting the bad guys and making them pay, with Magic Kung Fu, he'll save the day! It's Kung Fu Action Jesus!"

"Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C. 4.0 Beta, bitch!"

"I have conquered the world."

[Being held up by two Iraqi soldiers]

"My children, you should know something.

...I'm packing."

"This summer, let he who is without sin...kick the first ass."

SUPER JESUS: Where is your Satan now!?"

"Jesus Christ... Superstar... burning 'round the corner on a Yamaha"

You can't do what Jesus can do (Jesus shits all over you)

There are three of him, and there's only one of you (and Jesus can fly)

He can cure a blind man, you can't cure the flu

He's a zombie wizard, who also knows kung fu

Jesus is coming, and he is pissed!