Quotes / Kevlard

"Hey lard-fat! Those hard arteries don't stop bullets, do they?"
The Scout, Team Fortress 2

"At times it's hard to swallow scenes like that found in one episode where Conrad, already shot in the knee, no less, is able to elude lithe bad guy Tom Skerritt, who even uses a truck in pursuit of the fat P.I. on foot. And yet, Conrad's weight works in favor of the show in some ways. If the villains can beat up big William Conrad, they really must be something. Indeed, poor Cannon is shot in many episodes and set afire at least once. He is a pretty big target, after all."

"Nice try, but the bullet was absorbed by my spare tire!"
Detective Sergeant Bargearse, Bargearse