Quotes: Hypercompetent Sidekick

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    Literature 

Your job, Jurgen, is to know my needs before I do.
Commissar Ciaphas Cain

Collot d'Herbois, incredulous, half-contemptuous, did not altogether approve of these schemes, which seemed to him wild and uncanny; he liked the direct simplicity of a summary trial, of the guillotine, or of his own well stage-managed "Noyades." He did not feel that any ridicule or dishonour would necessarily paralyze a man in his efforts at intrigue, and would have liked to set Chauvelin's authority aside, to behead the woman upstairs and then to take his chance of capturing the man later on.
The Elusive Pimpernel, Chapter 24

    Live-action TV 

Crow: So, the hero is really... this guy.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode Puma Man about the titular hero's sidekick Vadinho.

Tom Paris (as "Captain Proton"): You're Constance Goodheart; you're my secretary.
Seven of Nine: Secretary.
Tom: Yeah! You tag along on all the missions. Now, I want you to keep the robot occupied while I save Earth. Computer, run program!
Robot: citizen of earth! surrender! do no resist!
Seven: I am Borg. (jams hand into the robot's chest, yanking out cables) The robot has been neutralized. May I leave now?
Star Trek: Voyager, "Night"

Al is my assistant. He assists me.
— A less-than-honest Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, Home Improvement

    Video Games 

A good roadie knows that it's his job to make someone else look good, keep someone else safe, help someone else do what they were put here to do. A good roadie stays out of the spotlight; if he's doing his job right, you don't even know he was there. Once in a while, they might step on stage to fix a problem, to set something right, but then before you realize why he was there, or what he did, he's gone.
Eddie Riggs, Brutal Legend

    Webcomics 

Balthazar: Opal, this is just one of the reasons why you'd make a much better general than me.
Opal: I'm fine where I am. My hands are already full keeping you on a leash!

    Web Original 

Tenchi is more like whomever Madonna marries. Just dragged along for the ride... He's the Charlie Brown of anime.

'Stone Cold' Steve Austin: Former 6-time WWF World Champion. 3-time Royal Rumble winner. King of the Ring. Pro Wrestling Illustrated’s #1 wrestler twice. WWE Hall of Famer. 'Sheriff' of Raw. Podcast host. Arguably one of the most popular wrestlers of all time. Star of movies such as The Condemned, Hunt To Kill, and some other movies you’ve probably never seen. All-around badass.

Steven Seagal: Martial artist. Akido instructor. 'Actor'. 'Producer'. 'Screen writer'. 'Musician'. Star of Steven Seagal: Lawman. Reincarnated Buddhist. Energy Drink sponsor. BFF with Vladimir Putin. Star of movies such as Under Siege, Above the Law, and over 25 direct-to-DVD movies. All-around ass.

Henry (Vinnie Jones): Cody's right hand man, and a hell of a lot more heroic than the purported main character. At the very least, he looks like he can run from one side of a room to the other without his heart exploding.
The Agony Booth on Submerged (2005)

Realistically, he could fly over everything in the game, go straight to Robotnik and smash him into oblivion with his invincibility. The only way Sonic could do any of this is if Tails carried him around, so who's the sidekick here?

It should be a great story for the Doctor as portrayed by anybody, because he gets to enjoy a reunion with the Brigadier (Nicholas Courtney can usually develop chemistry with any actor in the titular role) and face a moral dilemma that any actor worth his salt would get his teeth into. In both of these instances, Davison lets the side down; his reaction to the Brigadier’s amnesia is one of mild annoyance where some passion might have knocked the memories back into him, and he emotes the end of episode three (‘It would mean the end of me as a Time Lord!‘) like he is telling a kid what is on the menu tonight (replace with ‘it would mean fingers and chips for tea tonight‘ and you’ll see what I mean)...I wanted to see a man with the weight of his future lives about to stolen from him, not an actor wondering when the coffee break is going to be. Davison was not happy with the scripts for season 20 and these are the moments when it shows. Compared with the complexities that Nicholas Courtney is working into his performance, Davison's is sadly deficient.

David: Lois’s hypeman speech once Clark saves her was a) stolen from Pulp Fiction and b) totally against the idea of Superman. AND SUPERMAN WILL STRIKE DOWN UPON THEE WITH GREAT VENGEANCE AND FURIOUS ANGER!
Chris: That was one of the few parts of the episode I actually liked. Lois is totally the kind of girl who would quote Pulp Fiction at the only people who wouldn’t know the reference just to play on their fear of the Bible. I can’t believe I’m defending this, but I do kind of like the idea that Smallville Clark just totally lets Lois do whatever she wants once she gets going.
David: That just seems to me a side effect of the fact that Clark basically lets anybody do whatever they want once they get going.
Chris: Touche.
—Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Smallville ("Harvest")

    Web Video 

He comes home from saving charges all day to Piper's shrill, nagging voice, and still fixes the house afterwards. And really, Leo is the only reason they're alive. He's their favorite deus ex machina: he heals them from near-death, like, every episode; gets information from the Elders; and orbs people wherever they want to go. They literally do not know what to do without him. How are these women the most powerful witches in the universe? HOW?
Allison Pregler on Charmed's Leo Wyatt

    Western Animation 

Mayor Manx: That ghost means to kill me!
Callie: Yes. And you're the only one who can stop him!
Mayor Manx: MEEE?!! Then we're doomed. DOOMED I tell you!''
SWAT Kats, "The Ghost Kat"