A long time ago, when the gays weren't all in your face about it...
Rebellion. Although the
Death Star has been
destroyed, Imperial troops
have driven the Rebel
forces from their hidden
base and pursued them
across the galaxy. But you
know this story.
What you may not know is
that 20th Century Fox had
so little faith in the "Star
Wars" franchise that they
let George Lucas keep all
the merchandising rights.
Are you listening,
stockholders? How can you
invest in a company that
makes such short-sighted
decisions? I mean, this is
the same company that
canceled "Family Guy" twice.
Who's running that joint?
Monkeys? I mean, if they're
gonna be that foolish with
their money, then I guess
that means we can be
foolish with their money,
too. Like spending a
bunch of it to animate
a computer-generated
cartoon elephant that has
nothing to do with the rest
of the episode
. Did you see that? Know
what that cost? $58,000.
I mean, what a waste. It
wasn't even that funny.
That's $58,000 that could
have gone to curing
leukemia. Or muscular
dystrophy. Or... what does
Michael J. Fox have? That
. Alright, let's watch some
goddamn cartoons.
his home planet of Tatooine in
order to-— okay, you know what,
we don’t care. We were thinking
of not even doing this one. FOX
made us do it. When we did
"Blue Harvest", they said, "Oh,
you guys are crazy." They tried to
talk us out of it, and it ended up
making a ton of money. By then
we were just finishing "Empire",
and we were absolutely exhausted.
But Fox suddenly had dollar signs
in their eyes, and they said,
"Seth, if you don't do 'Jedi', we're
not gonna let you leave to go
direct your movie."
I'm sorry. I took a muscle relaxer
earlier and it's kicking in. I'm
just so stressed because there's
been a car parked in front of my
house for three straight days and
there's a pillow in the back seat.
And I've never seen anyone get in
or out of it, but it moves a couple
feet one way or the other each
day. Wouldn't it be funny if it was
a bunch of raccoons living in
there, moving it? You know, with
their little paws on the steering
wheel? And then another one
working the brake and the gas?
And the steering wheel raccoon
and the pedal raccoon have to
talk back and forth to each other
'cause the brake pedal guy can't
see the road? I'm gonna keep
thinking that, 'cause I know really
it's probably a car bum.
Look, just do me a huge favor and
lower your expectations, okay?
Just this one time. I promise I'll
make it up to you. I mean, "Star
Wars", fine. "Empire" —- still not
bad. But on this one we ran out
of gas. Seriously, we let the
assistant write it. Hell, even the
FedEx guy got a joke in, and he
calls the baby "Steve." Anyway,
here's "Return of the Jedi" starring
Steve as Darth Vader.
