Quotes: Dick Dastardly Stops to Cheat

Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat.
Bobby Heenan

I'll win this race fair and square, even if I have to cheat to do it!

I must use strategy...I will cheat!
Brutus, from the 1961 Popeye cartoon "Ski Jump Chump"

So the Soviets were from the New England Patriots school of cheating, which says that even if you're vastly superior to your opponent, you cheat anyway. Just for the pure hell of it.

"After what seemed like an eternity of toying around with his opponent and not even attempting to win the match, Cena was taken by surprise when Laurinaitis tried to bail out of the arena and the match instead of taking his never-ending abuse like a man. Fortunately, the recently fired Big Show was on the scene to throw Johnny right back in. Instead of helping John Cena grind Laurinaitis into dust, though, Show knocked out Cena with one punch, allowing Johnny to pick up the win and keep his job. It was all an ingenious plot by the wily GM, albeit one that could only work if Cena bullied him for seventeen minutes rather than just pinning him at the earliest opportunity.

When you think about it, this whole match was a heavy-handed morality play as clear-cut as any of Aesop’s fables, except at least the hare never knocked the tortoise onto his shell and made it looked like he’d pissed himself."

C. Montgomery Burns: Tell me, Simpson. If an opportunity arose for taking a small shortcut, you wouldn't be adverse to taking it, would you?
Homer Simpson: Uhh, not as such.
Burns: Neither would I. I've always felt that there's far too much hysteria these days about so-called cheating.
Homer: Yes, a lot of — hysteria.
Burns: If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race always be to the swift or the jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well, I say cheating is the gift man gives himself!
Homer: Mr. Burns, I insist that we cheat.
Burns: Excellent.
The Simpsons, "Mountain of Madness"