Quotes / Dick Dastardly Stops to Cheat

"Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat."
Bobby Heenan

"Its not enough for Nixon to win. Hes going to have to put some people in jail.
Lyndon Johnson, 1969

I'll win this race fair and square, even if I have to cheat to do it!

I must use strategy...I will cheat!
Brutus, from the 1961 Popeye cartoon "Ski Jump Chump"

So the Soviets were from the New England Patriots school of cheating, which says that even if you're vastly superior to your opponent, you cheat anyway. Just for the pure hell of it.

"After what seemed like an eternity of toying around with his opponent and not even attempting to win the match, Cena was taken by surprise when Laurinaitis tried to bail out of the arena and the match instead of taking his never-ending abuse like a man. Fortunately, the recently fired Big Show was on the scene to throw Johnny right back in. Instead of helping John Cena grind Laurinaitis into dust, though, Show knocked out Cena with one punch, allowing Johnny to pick up the win and keep his job. It was all an ingenious plot by the wily GM, albeit one that could only work if Cena bullied him for seventeen minutes rather than just pinning him at the earliest opportunity.

When you think about it, this whole match was a heavy-handed morality play as clear-cut as any of Aesops fables, except at least the hare never knocked the tortoise onto his shell and made it looked like hed pissed himself."

"...there's a bloke with a goatee, shifty eyes and an army of robots who starts off ostensibly as an ally, but is so arse-wipingly obviously the villain that the game absentmindedly forgets to establish that he is. After they complete their mission together, he just goes "Bored now!" and kidnaps someone for literally no reason and to nobody's surprise.

Well, the reason he gives is that he wanted the heroes to come to his house and look at some stuff he's working on. Fucking ring them up! Or just ask them, they're right there! Offer them a lift on your getaway vehicle! It's like he only knows how to get things done in an evil way. All he wants is to work with the scientist to open an ancient ruin, something the scientist seems quite willing to do, but not after he's been helicoptered to a Dracula castle in a fucking cage! This guy needs an intervention!"

C. Montgomery Burns: Tell me, Simpson. If an opportunity arose for taking a small shortcut, you wouldn't be adverse to taking it, would you?
Homer Simpson: Uhh, not as such.
Burns: Neither would I. I've always felt that there's far too much hysteria these days about so-called cheating.
Homer: Yes, a lot of — hysteria.
Burns: If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race always be to the swift or the jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well, I say cheating is the gift man gives himself!
Homer: Mr. Burns, I insist that we cheat.
Burns: Excellent.
The Simpsons, "Mountain of Madness"

Megatron: Hmm, I suppose, given my imminent godhood, these primitives should really be beneath my intention. Ah, still, no score is too small to settle, I always say.
Dinobot II (suddenly overcome with Dinobot I's spirit): You would turn the full fury of this mighty warship on a lone anthropoid?! Tell me, Megatron, where's the honor in that?!
Megatron: You dare use the h-word to me?!
Dinobot II: I... I apologize. I merely felt our power should be conserved for... the larger battle.
Megatron: Duly noted... and ignored!
Beast Wars, "Nemesis Part 2"