"I don’t know if you grew up going to church and now you don’t, but it can be a weird existence. Because I like to make fun of it all day long, but then if someone like Bill Maher says, 'Who would believe in a man up in the sky?' I'm like, 'My mommy, so shut the fuck up! Stop calling my mommy dumb!'"
— John Mulaney, Kid Gorgeous
Peter: Yeah, I'm looking for toilet training books.
Employee: Oh, yes. We can help you there. [hands him a book] Everybody Poops is still the standard, of course. [hands him another book] We've also got the less popular Nobody Poops But You.
Peter: Huh. Well, you see, we're Catholic, so...
Employee: [hands him a third book] Then you want You're a Naughty Child and That's Concentrated Evil Coming Out the Back of You.
Peter: Perfect!
Employee: Oh, yes. We can help you there. [hands him a book] Everybody Poops is still the standard, of course. [hands him another book] We've also got the less popular Nobody Poops But You.
Peter: Huh. Well, you see, we're Catholic, so...
Employee: [hands him a third book] Then you want You're a Naughty Child and That's Concentrated Evil Coming Out the Back of You.
Peter: Perfect!
[My wife] said, "Okay, I don't get this shit because I wasn't raised Catholic and I'm fucking glad I wasn't and it's a fucked-up organization." I said, "No, we all know that."
— John Mulaney, Kid Gorgeous
As I grew older, there were certain things about the way I thought, reacted, behaved. I came to ruefully and bemusedly understand that once you’re a Catholic, you’re always a Catholic. So I stopped kidding myself. I don’t often participate in my religion but I know somewhere... deep inside... I’m still on the team.
—Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run
“When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ‘Yes, but is it the Catholic God or Protestant God in whom you don’t believe?'”
