I do note with interest that old women in my books become young women on the covers... this is discrimination against the chronologically gifted.

Featuring: No Scene Even Remotely Like This Inside!

The Monster in the Darkness: Wait— The scene on the cover didn't happen that way.
Demon-roach: Welcome to show business, kid.

"Maybe it isn't entirely forthright, putting a crusader badass the cover of your medieval allegory — but I don't care. In fact, I support this kind of thing wholeheartedly: fact is, sometimes you got to lie to a motherfucker. If showing a dude holding a giant spine with an aftermarket scythe affixed is what it takes to get young men to read a single page of the classics, than so be it. I hope these shenanigans work like gangbusters. We've got your backs on this thing."