Oh booze, sweet booze. The sweet nectar can be a delicious and wonderful thing, but sometimes it leads you down a dark, destructive path where you wake up with half of your face burned off because the booze screwed with your decision-making skills and you thought it would be a really good idea to eat out Parasite Hilton.
"If I hadn't been drinking Ripple, I would've never had you. Ripple's your real Daddy!"
—Dr. Hibbert's father, The Simpsons
"In a few hours, I'm gonna look like a good idea!"
— Lewis, The Drew Carey Show
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host. "
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host. "
— Attributed to Dorothy Parker
It's Cold Gin time again
You know it always wins!
Cold Gin time again
You know it's the only thing
That keeps us together!
You know it always wins!
Cold Gin time again
You know it's the only thing
That keeps us together!
— KISS, "Cold Gin"
Chandler: How drunk are you?
Monica: Drunk enough that I wanna do this. Not so drunk you should feel guilty for taking advantage.
Chandler: [beat] Well that's the perfect amount!
— Friends
Zii (on texting a breakup to her boyfriend with the express intent of begging forgiveness the next morning so jumping the half-naked girl next to her would not be cheating):'Shonya... it might be the alllcohol talkin', but that is one brilliant idea!
— 'Ménage à 3
"Everybody moved to new hot spots- the Jockey Club, the Coconut Grove, the Bombay, and later the Cricket Club, the disco in the Quayside Towers. People called the Quayside Towers the "Quaalude Towers". Quaaludes were the other great drug that people were taking along with coke. Quaaludes were more underground when Andy and I snuck them into the punch in our New York discos. In Miami you'd go out for drinks with a broad, and she'd bring her own Quaaludes. It wasn't like today, where a guy will sneak roofies into some poor broad's drinks so he could have his way with her. Back then broads would knock themselves out on purpose."
—American Desperado by Jon Roberts and Evan Wright,
Now wait a minute
Things don't look too familiar
Who is the cowboy who's sleepin' beside me
Well he's awful cute
But how do I get his shirt on
I had too much tequila last night
Things don't look too familiar
Who is the cowboy who's sleepin' beside me
Well he's awful cute
But how do I get his shirt on
I had too much tequila last night
"Quaaludes were very popular in Miami in the early 1970s and Bauer, a connoisseur of illicit substances, nominates the Rorer 714 Quaalude as the world's best drug and Quaaludes as the world's best drug and Quaaludes in general as a fine aphrodisiac. A number of airlines had stewardess training programs in Miami at that time, so the apartment complexes were flooded with attractive, adventurous young women, much to the budding drug dealer's delight. The Quaaludes were so effective at disarming those women that the men nicknamed the drug "instant pussy"."
—Jackpot: High Times, High Seas and the Sting That Launched the War on Drugs
"We'll do some drinkin'
We'll tell some jokes
We'll spend some money
And tell some lies
And make us look good in our new neighborhood
Make us look good in our new neighborhood
Make us look good in our new neighborhood"
We'll tell some jokes
We'll spend some money
And tell some lies
And make us look good in our new neighborhood
Make us look good in our new neighborhood
Make us look good in our new neighborhood"
"We'll feel some muscles
We'll tell some jokes
We'll write the wrong phone numbers on their shirts
'Cause I'm not lookin' to fall in love
You know I'm not lookin' to fall in love"
We'll tell some jokes
We'll write the wrong phone numbers on their shirts
'Cause I'm not lookin' to fall in love
You know I'm not lookin' to fall in love"
Gumball: Can kids buy potions?
Carrie: What do you mean?
Gumball: You know, some kind of Love Potion that tricks you into thinking everyone is beautiful.
Carrie: That sounds more like a mistake potion, and we need a fake I.D. to buy one.
Carrie: What do you mean?
Gumball: You know, some kind of Love Potion that tricks you into thinking everyone is beautiful.
Carrie: That sounds more like a mistake potion, and we need a fake I.D. to buy one.
— The Amazing World of Gumball, "The Matchmaker"
Vila: I'm going to be thrilled one way or another. [Furtive glances at Dayna] Have a drink, Dayna.
Dayna: Do you know your most attractive quality, Vila?
Vila: [Eagerly] No. What?
Dayna: Your subtlety.
He had slyly inveigled her up to his flat
To view his collection of stamps;
And he said as he hastened to put out the cat
The wine, his cigar, and the lamps:
"Have some madeira, m'dear..."
...
Unaware of the wiles of the snake in the grass
Of the fate of the maiden who topes
She lowered her standards by raising her glass
Her courage, her eyes, and his hopes
She sipped it, she drank it
She drained it, she did
And he quietly refilled it again
And he said as he secretly carved one more notch
On the butt of his gold-handled cane...
"Have some madeira, m'dear..."
...
Then there flashed through her mind what her mother had said
With her ante-penultimate breath:
"Oh my child should you look on the wine when 'tis red
Be prepared for a fate worse than death!"
To view his collection of stamps;
And he said as he hastened to put out the cat
The wine, his cigar, and the lamps:
"Have some madeira, m'dear..."
...
Unaware of the wiles of the snake in the grass
Of the fate of the maiden who topes
She lowered her standards by raising her glass
Her courage, her eyes, and his hopes
She sipped it, she drank it
She drained it, she did
And he quietly refilled it again
And he said as he secretly carved one more notch
On the butt of his gold-handled cane...
"Have some madeira, m'dear..."
...
Then there flashed through her mind what her mother had said
With her ante-penultimate breath:
"Oh my child should you look on the wine when 'tis red
Be prepared for a fate worse than death!"
— Flanders and Swann, "Madeira M'Dear"
