Redcloak: You... you actually like the taste of it??
Xykon: Hell no, it's the most disgusting sludge I've put in my stomach in years. But you see, nothing really compares to a cup of truly awful coffee.
Right-Eye: Uh, how about a cup of really good coffee?
Xykon: Not the same thing at all. When you drink a cup of really good coffee, you try to immerse yourself in that cup. You focus all your senses on what you're drinking. How it smells, how it tastes, how it feels on your tongue. You savor the experience. But when you drink a cup of absolutely horrid coffee, you do everything possible to NOT immerse yourself in it. You try to shut out your senses from what you're drinking. Inevitably, you try to stave off the assault on your poor innocent tongue by mentally comparing it to all the better coffee you've had in your life, reliving each cup in comparison to the godforsaken sludge you're pouring down your gullet right now. So when you drink a good cup of coffee, you're only drinking that one cup... but when you drink a bad cup of coffee, you remember every good cup you ever drank. And at my advanced age, that's a helluva lot of good coffee.
Xykon: Hell no, it's the most disgusting sludge I've put in my stomach in years. But you see, nothing really compares to a cup of truly awful coffee.
Right-Eye: Uh, how about a cup of really good coffee?
Xykon: Not the same thing at all. When you drink a cup of really good coffee, you try to immerse yourself in that cup. You focus all your senses on what you're drinking. How it smells, how it tastes, how it feels on your tongue. You savor the experience. But when you drink a cup of absolutely horrid coffee, you do everything possible to NOT immerse yourself in it. You try to shut out your senses from what you're drinking. Inevitably, you try to stave off the assault on your poor innocent tongue by mentally comparing it to all the better coffee you've had in your life, reliving each cup in comparison to the godforsaken sludge you're pouring down your gullet right now. So when you drink a good cup of coffee, you're only drinking that one cup... but when you drink a bad cup of coffee, you remember every good cup you ever drank. And at my advanced age, that's a helluva lot of good coffee.
"Yeah, I wouldn't drink the coffee. Always tasted like boiled dirt."
— Cole Cassidy, spawning in the Route 66 diner, Overwatch
"That is not pissing coffee. That is pissing piss, that is."
I'm not sure why - maybe it's just the residual adrenaline in my system, or perhaps my desperate desire to forget my moment of total paralysis - but I take mild offense to this. The MI37 coffee is indeed shitty. It does indeed taste a little like cat urine. But it is our coffee. It is the coffee of brotherhood. Clyde and I have saved the world drinking that coffee.
"I think Tabitha tested it once," Clyde says, "and actually compared to most coffees you'll find that the urine content is actually quite low."
Hannah looks at him like he just dealt her sanity a blow it didn't need to take. "Most coffees?" she says.
"Look," I say, "I'll admit it's not the finest brew, but..."
"It is awful," Clyde agrees. "Which is what makes the urine thing so surprising, I think."
I'm not sure why - maybe it's just the residual adrenaline in my system, or perhaps my desperate desire to forget my moment of total paralysis - but I take mild offense to this. The MI37 coffee is indeed shitty. It does indeed taste a little like cat urine. But it is our coffee. It is the coffee of brotherhood. Clyde and I have saved the world drinking that coffee.
"I think Tabitha tested it once," Clyde says, "and actually compared to most coffees you'll find that the urine content is actually quite low."
Hannah looks at him like he just dealt her sanity a blow it didn't need to take. "Most coffees?" she says.
"Look," I say, "I'll admit it's not the finest brew, but..."
"It is awful," Clyde agrees. "Which is what makes the urine thing so surprising, I think."
— Broken Hero, by Jonathan Wood
Arthur: Here you are, Skip. Nice hot cup of coffee.
Martin: Oh. [takes a sip] Augh! It's cold!
Arthur: Nice cup of coffee.
Martin: It's horrible!
Arthur: Cup of coffee.
Martin: I'm not even sure it is coffee.
Arthur: Cup.
Martin: Oh. [takes a sip] Augh! It's cold!
Arthur: Nice cup of coffee.
Martin: It's horrible!
Arthur: Cup of coffee.
Martin: I'm not even sure it is coffee.
Arthur: Cup.
— Cabin Pressure, "St. Petersburg"
Florence: Coffee?
Winston: Not quite. It's something Dvorak sent over for you. He said it's canine safe. No theobromine. No caffeine.
Florence: [wagging her tail] It smells like a frightened rabbit. [...]
Winston: How's the flavor?
[Florence takes a lap, immediately recoils, and seizes Winston's cup]
Winston: That coffee's hot, and moderately poisonous to canines.
Florence: I'm not drinking it. I'm using it to scald the taste off my tongue. [sets the cup down] The purpose of coffee is to wake you up. After drinking Dvorak's coffee substitute, I am very much awake.
Winston: So... success?
Florence: How can something be so wrong and so right at the same time?
Winston: Not quite. It's something Dvorak sent over for you. He said it's canine safe. No theobromine. No caffeine.
Florence: [wagging her tail] It smells like a frightened rabbit. [...]
Winston: How's the flavor?
[Florence takes a lap, immediately recoils, and seizes Winston's cup]
Winston: That coffee's hot, and moderately poisonous to canines.
Florence: I'm not drinking it. I'm using it to scald the taste off my tongue. [sets the cup down] The purpose of coffee is to wake you up. After drinking Dvorak's coffee substitute, I am very much awake.
Winston: So... success?
Florence: How can something be so wrong and so right at the same time?
— Freefall
