Quotes: Back-Alley Doctor

I told him I got water on the knee
He gave me a sponge and raised his fee
Rodney Dangerfield, "Rappin' Rodney"

(Shake is being operated on by a convicted criminal)
Meatwad: He does do some good work, don't he?
Carl: Yeah, mostly he does hot rods. Sometimes faces.

You were lucky enough to have a friend who didn't mind getting her hands dirty on account of your best interest. A friend with a chainsaw.

"Vait, it gets better! Vhen ze patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and ze doctor vas never heard from again! *laughs* [beat] Anyvay, zat's how I lost my medical license."

"Who needs a real doctor when you've got my machines and their scary needles?"
Dr. Zed, Borderlands

"Please insert any donated organs into the receptacle below."
Zed's Meds vending machine, Borderlands 2

"The dead ones don't sue you."
Barazo Mankanshoku, Kill la Kill