"One reason I didn't like football was the boredom of putting on and taking off all that gear. Even so, at an early school, I made what I thought was an unusually brilliant touchdown against what proved to be, upon closer inspection, my own team."
—Gore Vidal, Palimpsest
"There are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game. The object of the game is to move a ball past the other team's goal line. This counts as six points. No points are given for lacerations, contusions, or abrasions, but then no points are deducted, either. Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball, occasionally."
"This is a sport that has featured rampant drug use, gambling, player hazing, sex scandals, domestic violence issues, wayward accounting, and taxpayer abuse. And that's just the Cowboys."
—Drew Magary, Gregg Easterbrook is a Haughty Dipshit
"I know plenty of normal, highly successful, otherwise level headed people that if Jeremy Maclin drops a pass or DeMeco Ryans misses a tackle, will fly into an apoplectic rage as if someone had just killed their mother while simultaneously strangling 7 puppies right in front of them. It is almost Pavlovian. The second there is a bad call, a missed block, a muffed kick, anything, it's like a switch flips and then the entire city turns into Joe Pesci after Billy Bats tells him to get his shine box. It's not pretty. "
"In football, the object is for the Quarterback, otherwise known as the 'Field General', to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense and hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy, in spite of the Blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing his aerial assault with a sustained ground attack which punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line."
"Ground acquisition. And that's what football is, football's a ground acquisition game. You knock the crap out of eleven guys and take their land away from them. Of course, we only do it ten yards at a time. That's the way we did it with the Indians: we won it little by little. First down in Ohio—Midwest to go!"
"Football...is violence punctuated by committee meetings."
—Political writer and baseball devotee George F. Will